This is the thread where you advise me on how to get rid of outdoor spiders

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The ONLY thing I don't like about our new house is that the entire outside is covered in huge spiders. They cling to the siding. They're unlike any I've seen before - like big, fat daddylonglegs - but RED in color.

I know spiders are harmless, but I hate them, and I'm worried that they'll get in the house as soon as we have food, stuff, etc.

I used to be very humane about getting rid of insects, but this time, I mean business. Should I get a bug bomb and just bomb the house? Call an exterminator? Buy a six pack of Raid and go on a killing spree? Any handy household humanitarian tricks? (I remember that cinnamon - I think it was cinnomon - spread across a doorway repelled ants - or is that salt repelling vampires?)

Whaddya think?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:28 (twenty-one years ago)

no, these spiders are good.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i like spiders. they cut down on flies and other bugs.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:33 (twenty-one years ago)

NO spiders are good. They're like Quakers and Pygmies - ultimately, inarguably disposable.

just kidding about the Quakers and the Pygmies. I knew a really nice Quaker girl once.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Richard Nixon was a Quaker!

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

You know what spiders do with all that energy from eating other bugs? Lay egg! They don't get rid of bugs at all, just increase the percentage of bugs that are spiders.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Spiders are not bugs, they're arachnids.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

THANK you, Kevin. i didn't know that. Now they REALLY gotta go.

OK, spider defenders - ever wake up with one in your mouth??

Fuck spiders.

Come to think of it, I'll take all the bees, wasps, mosquitos and hornets you can throw at me, but it's the haremless bugs - the millipedes, centipedes, moths, potato bugs, and spiders - that I cannot stand.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm worried that they'll get in the house as soon as we have food

are spiders attracted to food and stuff? isn't that more likely to attract cockroaches?

where do you live? are the spiders actually dangerous?

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

when i said "flies and other bugs" i meant a class of creatures including flies, not spiders

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:37 (twenty-one years ago)

gem - not sure about any of that. Don't know if they're dangerous but I'm quite sure they'll bite. I'll EAT a cockroach before I wake up next to a spider.

Come on, guys, I'm sure you've gotten rid of vermin before. What's the most efficient way?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:39 (twenty-one years ago)

spiders aren't vermin either.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post hstencil

Spiders are bugs - 'bug' isn't like a classification, it's slang. Like 'creepy-crawlies'.

x-post again - gem.

Well then I guess a spiders utility only matters if you prefer spiders to insects. Ladybirds deplete the numbers of aphids, but that's not an argument in their favour (being pretty, however, is)

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, but you know what I mean.

(btw what qualifies as vermin?)

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:41 (twenty-one years ago)

the best way to get rid of animal populations is to destroy their habitat. in this case, your house.
i have the biggest spiders i've ever seen (apart from dead in glass cases w/ pins thru em) in my back yard...prob'ly told you this before....theyre scary looking but i feel an affection for them...prob'ly feel different if they started hanging out in the house tho.

― duane, Monday, 23 August 2004 03:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Also: John Goodman. He'll get rid of them for you.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:43 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost kevin - i live in a city where blowflies are a bit of a pest in summer - and more spiders = less flies. plus i just like them. i also like lady birds!

for some reason i don't think of spiders as bugs - maybe because i like them? although i like plenty of things i classify as bugs too.... hmmmmm never thought about this before

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:43 (twenty-one years ago)

(btw what qualifies as vermin?)

people

― duane, Monday, 23 August 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i mentioned on this board before - i have a spider that lives in behind one of my rear view mirrors in my car - he's like my friend, we have chats when i'm stuck in traffic, and he probably gets pretty annoyed when i destroy his web every couple of days, but he forgives me...

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It's bad luck to kill a spider. EVERYONE knows THAT.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

insects can be vermin, I think.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:45 (twenty-one years ago)

i think of feral imported animals as vermin, like rabbits and foxes

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post Gem, I first of all read your post as being "Butterflies are a bit off a pest in the summer". I was wondering what kind of evil person is bothered by butterflies. Nevermind.

Also, the stepping on a spider thing - when I was young it was beetles (meant it would rain) - apparently versions exist for loads of different bugs.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

so do I but I think insects can qualify.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

How can anyone like spiders?

If it's bad luck to kill a spider, I've got a lifetime's worth of bad luck coming my way

Maybe roxymuxzak knows a good exterminator in Tennessee

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:47 (twenty-one years ago)

our rabbits and foxes are Made in the USA.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I like spiders.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't step on any bugs. the only ones i really dislike are cockroaches, but even then i would spray them rather than stepping on them.

our rabbits and foxes are made in the UK i think. i live in western australia, home of the rabbit proof fence (it didn't work).

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

um, cause spiders are cool? cause webs are fascinating? cause they get rid of flying pests?

xxpost

― oops (Oops), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

webs are awesome. especially first thing on a winter's morning with dew and the sun shining on them.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Unless you walk into one, lips first

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:51 (twenty-one years ago)

you must have big lips.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:52 (twenty-one years ago)

yes and it's hilarious watching someone else walk into one lips-first and then wave their arms around frantically trying to remove something no one else can see. although hstencil is right! how big is your pucker? why are you walking around lips first anyway? do you have some kind of beak?

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, no, I'm quite striking, actually.

I just mean that when my FACE hits a web, the first place I feel it is on my goddamm mouth

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:57 (twenty-one years ago)

hehe sorry, i knew what you meant, i was being facetious. maybe you could wear a mask when you're venturing out into your backyard?

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Will it really come to that?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

no i think you and the spiders can live together in perfect harmony roger. make your peace with the spiders!

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 03:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

on a serious note,you could try surface spray around your doors and windows etc

please note: i don't believe this would actually be particularly effective unless you could somehow seal up your entire house including the roof and foundations, but it might give you some peace of mind

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you take a picture of the spiders for us?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I will. Or try to find a photo on the web that comes close. Gimme a few minutes

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Use a hose with a spray nozzle. It's fun! Any survivors are sure to be squeaky clean. Borax soap arould the base of your house makes them move over to the neighbors.

― jim wentworth (wench), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Borax soap? Really?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I read that in one of those helpful-type of columns. I haven't tried it.

― jim wentworth (wench), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:20 (twenty-one years ago)

holy shit guys kinda off-topic but i went by this yard sale in an alleyway the other day (i guess it was an alley sale) and this guy had a whole table of amateurly-pinned scary monsters!! he had like at least a dozen scorpions in these handmade glass cases and HUGE tarantulas! there was this one jar that i picked up and there was a BABY COBRA'S HEAD in it! i almost screamed and dropped it!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:36 (twenty-one years ago)

the cobra head was floating in whatchamacallit, that preserving liquid too, making it even creepier

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:36 (twenty-one years ago)

formaldehyde? where it leaches out the colour making it like a weird sepia-toned critter suspended in cloudy liquid? ew

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:39 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, that's the word i was looking for. how fucked up is that shit though?! like just all these demonic creatures on a table in my back alleyway!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:39 (twenty-one years ago)

people are weird/tops

― gem (trisk), Monday, 23 August 2004 04:44 (twenty-one years ago)

HaHa Ha Ha!!!Roger moves to the South and wants to his world of spiders. Go back North you dumb-ass Yankeee Rebublican. The South ain't no place for you.

― Cletus, Monday, 23 August 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know where to begin.

First of all, the LEAST you could do is use your real name. At my most "republican," "yankee" or spider-hatin,' i lay my name on the line. This is because when I'm making a point I stand behind it, and if I'm ridiculing somebody's ideas / opinions / likes and dislikes (as we love to do here on ILM), I never see any reason to hide from anyone. The truth is, I have at least a modicum of respect for ALL of you, for various reasons.

Your post is missing a word (I'm assuming that word is 'rid') and uses the word 'ain't' without a trace of irony. I'm currently in 'the North' and thus cannot 'go back' anywhere. Calling me 'dumb-ass' (which is different than being called a dumbass, at least to these ears) is preposterous - I don't know you, but I'll bet both of my eyes I'm smarter than you. And I'd bet those same two eyes that you'd never call me 'dumb-ass' in person.

I'm not scared of spiders - i'm not scared of ANYthing - I just don't like the fuckers. So I kill them. Northern spiders, Southern spiders...it doesn't matter.

And I'm getting tired of having to explain that I'm not a Republican. I don't even vote.

A Republican would lend you his lawnmower. A Republican might let you go ahead of him in line at the supermarket. A Republican might cozy up next to you while you're watching Sleepless in Seattle.

I'm just plain old, simple Roger Adultery. From New York City. And I'll punch you in your face.

G'nite.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 23 August 2004 06:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it was cinnomon
My name IS Cletus and you sir, are a pompous ass.
i'm not scared of ANYthing ...And I'll punch you in your face
or cover me with cinnomon?
Why don't you just coat yourself with plastic so that no part of your offensive environment can penetrate your high-horse NY ass. I read many of your rants and I see a blind fool lashing out at all that frightens. KILL KILL MOMMY, SPIDER EVIL, ROGER DON'T LIKE!
Irony, by the way, is only a property of New Yorkers. Us Southerners are far too stupid to be subtle. We too busy screwing our cousins.
Just to put things into perspective, my mom was just released from the hospital after being bit by a brown recluse. But for God's sake Roger, it was just an innocent creature acting out in fear.
And I did think you were in Tennesee. My fault.
As to your intelligence, you have said little to prove your point. But if you think that violent threats equal high IQ then, sure you are a brilliant mouse.
I do consider it a bit low of me to insult your spelling skills, but what the hell, you started it.

― Cletus, Monday, 23 August 2004 08:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Before you attack me, the italics tag wouldn't close.

― Cletus, Monday, 23 August 2004 08:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Aerosol can + selotape + stick + zippo lighter.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Monday, 23 August 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"the haremless bugs"

I'm just going to take a moment to revel in the glory of this typo right here. Then I'm going to shout: BUG HAREM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:04 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.biggerhammer.net/mgshoot/kcrfall2k/flamethrower_upward.jpg

― 57 7th (calstars), Monday, 23 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

DAMN fucking right.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Monday, 23 August 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

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