do you send thank you notes?

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i was just wondering if i'm the only person that does this. was invited to sunday lunch at a friend's parents' cottage, they entertained us and made me a special veggie meal. my mom would be horrified if she knew i accepted that without sending a thank you note. but i don't think any of the rest of my friends do this.

do you send thank you notes? just to 'older people' or to your peers as well? (i'll send an email thanks for gifts from friends, normally)

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i was raised to do it, so i don't. generally i'd rather thank someone in person (when possible) or over the phone.

(truth be told, there's some little bit of my soul that writhes and gnashes and generally makes me feel bad about not sending them. milk and cookies usually quiets it right down.)

― el sabor de gene (yournullfame), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes. I try to always send thank you notes. My mom forced me to when I was little and I hated it, but now I see the point. A simple note goes a long way, plus receiving thank you notes is good feelings all around.

― mcd (mcd), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

my girlfriend sends thank you notes to everyone and i have to say, i like it. when i send a note it makes me feel like im not just some greedy bastard eating someone's food or taking their present which they were thoughtful enough to get me.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean, im obviously still totally selfish bcause i want the food/present without and guiltish feelings.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

i do it sometimes when i stay at somebody's place. and say if i had to leave before they wake the next day or something.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

(i mean as in like, crashing at somebody's, not like you know sleeping with someone)

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, it's nice to get them. but why do i send them to people my parents' age and older, but not my friends?

wonder if this is something that will die with our generation?

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

and i'd normally send text msgs to acknowledge my thanks for gifts etc.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i do it sometimes when i stay at somebody's place. and say if i had to leave before they wake the next day or something.

yeah, that's the only time i leave notes for friends. and try to leave candy for them as well.

um, also not when you're sleeping with someone. just for clarification.

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't do it at all. I am a very ingracious person. My mother's cousin has refused to send me and my brother any more birthday or christmas presents because we never sent thank you notes. I found his honesty refreshing.

― alix (alix), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"fank u 4 teh fuXXoring, was g00d!

luv

ken c"

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

it was supposed to be for your eyes only, sick :(

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

No. Next question!

― SRH (Skrik), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

r u all gay?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I like to send thank you notes if someone has helped me or something, but I prefer to phone & say thanks for b/day presents & the like.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

David Grey vs Dido.

― Starry (hello chickens), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I do it -- nobody else I know does it but I would feel horrible if I didn't. My mother treated offenses like not writing thank you cards as crimes equivalent to murder when I was growing up so even now I would feel very guilty if I didn't write them.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a really nice thing to do. I love getting them but don't send them nearly enough.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 26 August 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

i send thank you notes a lot. since i've been in my mid-twenties, i find i'm only recently starting to send them to my peers . . . and often, it's just an email thanks rather than a mailed card (i.e. i had fun at your party the other night). i was raised to do it...but since people have started thanking me--by note or email or whatever--i find i appreciate it more than i ever expected to. it's just a thoughtful guesture.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 26 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm still amazed that people don't call the day after a dinner party to thank me for having them. this is something i have noticed since i was in my 20s and it hasn't really improved over time. i used to call people the day after to thank them but don't do it now as it seems nobody expects it.

email is great for low-key thank you notes - i can get a message off to thank the host. no guilty feelings for taking without thanking and i don't actually have to get into a long conversation with them about weather etc that i don't really want to have anyway.

― Anthony (Plato Guy), Thursday, 26 August 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I always send them - but more to my parent's friends than my own.. though I do that sometimes, too.

Speaking of which, I owe a couple.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

two years pass...

How bothered would you be if you didn't receive a thank-you note for a wedding gift? I got the bulk of them done in reasonable time, and then there was a second, much later wave of gifts that I wasn't as good about keeping track of. A few I lost the names for - some were really nice gifts too and I feel terrible.

― Hurting 2, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:32 (nineteen years ago)

If it were me, I wouldn't care.

If it were my parents, and you were a niece or nephew, they'd bitch about it for years every time a member of your family did something stupid.

― milo z, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:34 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I wouldn't care either but I feel pretty guilty about it. I felt especially guilty as we enjoyed a whole branzino roast in our beautiful new roasting pan last night.

― Hurting 2, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:44 (nineteen years ago)

Sending thank you notes for wedding presents is de rigeur. Sending thank you notes for a dinner is a tad needy and pathetic. Email is better.

― Beth Parker, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:50 (nineteen years ago)

i send them:
a) when peoples' parents and more old-type people treat me graciously, like when those folks put me up in their Pros Park brownstone for a few days last summer
b) when people send me gifts out of the blue, but this is rare
c) at x-mas time

― the table is the table, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:57 (nineteen years ago)

I definitely appreciate that it's required for weddings, I'm just not sure what to do about the ones whose information I can't find and am trying to assuage my guilt.

― Hurting 2, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:04 (nineteen years ago)

My mother can still go mental over any gift she has given/sent that is not acknowledged. She enjoys emailing the parents of cousins who don't write thank-you notes. She also likes to say things like "having never received an acknowledgement for the gift I sent, I have contacted the post office to make sure it was delivered."
You should all always thank my mother!
i have tried to explain to her that not EVERY gift is going to be acknowledged - people are busy, especially when they have babies! But she is definitely the big dictator about thank-you notes.
I have been in a bit of a row with my Scottish auntie who sends Christmas cards - with money orders - but has somehow managed to send them to an adress that is not mine. The fact that she doesn't put a return address on the envelope does not seem to exonerate me from failing to thank her for something I didn't receive.
I am getting a headache just thinking about this.

― aimurchie, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:12 (nineteen years ago)

If I didn't get a note I would just think "maybe they misplaced their list - they're a new couple and probably have a lot to think about." But I know some of my parents friends won't think that way.

― Hurting 2, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:15 (nineteen years ago)

Do you have the guest list still? Send out non-specific (in terms of gift) cards to everyone who came. Thank them for sharing the big day with you or whatever.

― milo z, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:19 (nineteen years ago)

Also, my sister -in-law has been described as someone who writes a thank you note to a thank you note. Which is true.She's very good at thanking me for showing up at her house, drinking all the wine and eating all the food.
I'm never sure how I should respond - thank you for thanking me for your generosity? Thanks for the turkey and zinfandel? Thanks for having excellent babies?
She does not get along with my mom, but they do send copious amounts of thank you notes to each other.

― aimurchie, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:23 (nineteen years ago)

We attended the wedding of a colleague's daughter a few years ago (which was done in highest auld Ren Faire - chain mail and swords and bridesmaids with fairy wings - but that's another story). I'm less irritated about never receiving a thank you than I am about the quarterly email I get from their photographer, shilling more and more photos of the lovely couple and now their offspring and no way to unsubscribe. Yes, their guest book had a space for email, and I was stupid to use a real one.

― Jaq, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:25 (nineteen years ago)

The lost names were non-invitees/non-attendees - they were parents' friends who just sent a gift anyway, which is simultaneously really nice and really weird since I don't even know some of them.

― Hurting 2, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:29 (nineteen years ago)

yes, Hurting - send cards! can your parents help with the addresses? Even a nice postcard would assuage your sense of guilt, and please the gifters.
Beware relatives like my mother, who will hunt you down for a thank-you!
x post

― aimurchie, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:30 (nineteen years ago)

Hurting, this happened to me and Mister Monkey as well. Friends of his parents' sent us gifts even though we didn't have a wedding and didn't ask anyone for presents. Then *I* (not him, her son) got the guilt trip for not responding to the presents with gushing cards. I do not know these people! I didn't ask for the crappy picture frame they sent me!

I know I'm only being defensive because I am in the wrong.

― accentmonkey, Monday, 23 April 2007 14:52 (nineteen years ago)

But honestly, it's a year and a half ago and she still bugs me about it whenever she talks to this woman. Christ.

― accentmonkey, Monday, 23 April 2007 14:53 (nineteen years ago)

I was raised to say "please" and "thank you". When someone does something nice for me, or gives me a gift, I always thank them, not just graciously, but enthsiastically. However, this habit rarely, if ever, extends itself to sending little written notecards that have a flowery-scripted Thank You printed on the front, wherein I write "Thank you ever so much for the lovely (gift item/occasion). I will treasure (it/its memory) always. Yours in perpetual gratitude, Aimless."

I do not do this because it seems redundant - because I have already expressed my thanks in almost every case directly, personally, sincerely and in a timely manner at the time I got the gift or spent time with the person. My attitude is, why gild the fucking lilly?

― Aimless, Monday, 23 April 2007 18:42 (nineteen years ago)

The deal is you don't send thank you notes if you have personally thanked someone for a gift, only if, due to the circumstances, you were unable to do so.

― Jaq, Monday, 23 April 2007 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

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