DRUG TEST HELP!!!!!!!!!!

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ok, so I have drug test coming up for a job. Oddly, by dumb luck or by sheer negligence, I've never failed a job-mandated drug test. Is this because they are looking for specific things?

I don't smoke weed, and the last time I passed a drug test I had smoked opium a week before. But I have a drug test TOMORROW and I had me a little blow night before last.

Will this show up? And if so - what's your favorite method for beating the test? Drink a cup of vinegar? I won't have anyone 'pee for me' because they've been getting very strict about searching you lately. Help!

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess you need to find out how long coke lasts in your system. I have no idea, but just an idle guess would say not nearly as long as THC (which is like 30 days).

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Marijuana clears from your system in under 24 hours if you are an infrequent smoker (contrary to the 1-month rumours you always hear). If you are a very heavy, frequent smoker it can linger for up to 3weeks I think...

― Craig Gilchrist, Friday, 10 September 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

But I'm showing my lack of hip-ness. Is Blow marijuana or something else?

― Craig Gilchrist, Friday, 10 September 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

blow = cocaine.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, Rite.

― Craig Gilchrist, Friday, 10 September 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

in the UK, blow = marijuana, fwiw, stence.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Get thee to a head shop, roger.

xpost ???????????????

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

oops sorry. Regional Lost-In-Transalation Moment of the Day brought to you by: DRUGS -- The Handy Housewife Helper.

i've read everything from staying as long as four days to as many as 12. I didn't do much - a few bumps. Maybe the equivalent of one good line.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i have heard the vinegar thing works with flushing out coke. drinking a whole cup of it just sounds wretched.

― brock (brock), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

whoa, I had no idea about that UK slang term. Strange.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

That's why I was confused, I'm in the UK. The film "Blow" sounds a little less tame now I know it's not just about weed!

― Craig Gilchrist, Friday, 10 September 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

You know I really don't care to be giving this advice but if you rip some pubic hairs out and throw them in the bottle while producing your smaple, you will effectively invalidate the sample and either they'll just toss it or they'll ask you for another one.

Simple enough, don't do drugs when you're going to be on the spot for it. Cocaine and E are notoriously short-lived in the system which is one of the reasons the USAF started making people come in on weekends for short-notice urine testing, to bust the Friday night club kids.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 10 September 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm guessing roger didn't know he'd be on the spot for it, seeing as he just moved to a new town and all.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm, it seems like a tough choice between ripping our pubes and drinking a glass of vinegar...

― Craig Gilchrist, Friday, 10 September 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha "smaple", it's like Snapple but made with WEE

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

New job = drug test, do people seriously not expect this nowadays?

― TOMBOT, Friday, 10 September 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Instead of peeing in the cup, you should totally SKEET in it.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I rip out pubes all the time. That's goooooooooooooood chewin'

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I would never want to even interview for a job where a drug test was expected.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

and I never have been asked to deliver one, either.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

ditto

― Ed (dali), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never had to do a drug test for a job!

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

are drug tests a common thing? don't think they do this in my country.

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

IS it just an american thing, as I'm sure we don't have it as a rule over here.
x-post

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I had on once, cos I was working for British Rail, because they needed to test the drivers they made it a rule to test all staff.

― Vicky (Vicky), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

its shows up in tests for minimum 72 hours i'm pretty sure... i'd postpone if i were you

― Jay G (jaybob79), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think drug tests are very common in america if you aren't working in a security related field. I had to do one when I worked for a credit card company so I assume banks might do this as well.

fwiw, I don't actually know anyone who has failed a drug test, even my moderate drug-taking friends. they usually flushed their systems out with those drinks. I did know a driver who was a massive speed addict and he never failed. I'm not sure if that was just because his bossess decided not to nail him, or they only actually checked a sample of the people tested and he just got lucky.

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this might help you out.

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I never had to do one when I worked a bank, but then again my position had nothing to do with money or anything security-wise (then again we all had to take compliance tests post-9/11, which was fine with me).

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, outside of the jobs I had with the university and the one guy in the middle of nowhere who hired me to drive out and design his magazine for him, everything I've ever applied for required drug testing, from simple retail positions on up. It's just funny to me, before and after nobody really cares what you do as long as you mostly show up on time and aren't a total waste, one simple test prior to starting shouldn't be too fucking difficult.

For my current job, they required me to go to a clinic and produce a urine sample even though I was STILL IN THE MILITARY at the time. Then again knowing some of the people I know that would probably be a wise precaution.

In principle and in practice urine testing for private sector employment is pretty idiotic; honestly, though, it seems really quite simple to, y'know, not do anything expressly prohibited by law for ONE WHOLE WEEK just to pass ONE TEST. Getting a job is a game, know the rules and play by them, as much as I favor drug legalization I'm not going to make that an ethical sticking point that prevents me from paying the goddamn rent.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 10 September 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been drug tested for a job, either. I don't think it's really as common as you think it is, Tom. Maybe you just had bad luck.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Me neither (though I work for my folks and they know that's not my bag, man. I do have a certificate saying I've not committed any crimes, though.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 10 September 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Best Buy didn't make you take one?

― TOMBOT, Friday, 10 September 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this is much more common in the US than say, the UK, as others have said. I don't know anyone here who's ever had to have a drug test for work.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I've gotten tested by my last three employers. Currently I work at a hopsital so this makes sense. The one before involved operating heavy machinery so obviously I needed to be on drugs for that one... the other was totally unnecessary as it was retail. So testing in the US seems pretty common to me.

― adam (adam), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

No shit, people, I've had four jobs in six days, and three of them (including Wal Mart and Chilis) made me take a drug test. So did the temp agency! And now the cable company wants my sweet apple juice for a job with them.

When can I start my militia?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Well geez, at this point you should just tell them you're all pissed out. It's not like you're made of urine.

The second time I looked at that sentence I re-read it as "hemp agency," and I wondered why you were surprised.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 10 September 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Although if you're all like "I've had four jobs in six days" I don't think you should be surprised when they test you for drugs.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 10 September 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Further to the pubic hair Snapple idea, it also defeats the test objective to create a coconut Snapple too, if you grasp my meaning.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Friday, 10 September 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been tested, as have my friends, for nearly every job. Printer, auto parts delivery driver, ordinary office clerk, you name it.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 September 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm just about to start a two week temp job and I'm surprised they're NOT testing. (Mainly because they mentioned they're attorneys getting involved in the situation, otherwise it's pretty inefficient cost-wise to screen temps)

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 September 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

their attorneys not they're

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 September 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't believe Chili's made you pee, I've never heard of a restaurant testing.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

It seems like almost any large, national company will screen.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I am now fearful of the fact that I have a second job interview next wednesday and last night I got stoned. Doom! Fear!

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it depends on what kind of industry you work in. I get the impression alot of white collar jobs dont drug test much. I work for a law firm and they dont drug test anybody. I think that has to do with the fact that if they start a drug testing policy, they'd have to test everyone, and theres probably some higher ups who enjoy their drugs every now and again.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously, coconut smaples are the way to go.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Bill, I gave a urine sample when I started here, but I think that was just for fun. (xp)

― dean? (deangulberry), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure I would hire anyone who came in a urine sample, colin. Actually I think that might be my only criterion.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 10 September 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 21 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Colin, the popcorn trick runs like this: when at the local cinematheque, cut a hole in the bottom of your popcorn bucket, and using the natural darkness of the cinema as a cover for your activities, stick your naked pecker through the hole, and up into the popcorn. So much more romantic than touching hands with your date in the popcorn bucket.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

You can see my confusion over the pizza variation.

― Alba (Alba), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I know, it's heresy really.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:37 (twenty-one years ago)

coke is out of your system in hours. some of the chemicals from pot are stored in yr fat cells, so any change in weight should reflect the fact that you've smoked recently. in general you shouldn't try and fuck with your physiology wrt drug testing, bcz they look for evidence of stuff having been tampered with as much as they look for traces of narcotics. also that shit doesnt work anyway dawg!!

― \(^o^)/ (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a drug test one time and I drank two gallons of water the day before and 20 goldenseal tablets and I was clean, even though I'd smoked two days before. This was the job where one of the other cashiers confidentially told me that her nickname was Thumper, because she "fucked like a rabbit." I didn't know what to say.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I know what to say:

mazeltov!!!

― \(^o^)/ (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:50 (twenty-one years ago)

you should have told her its dirty pool to pass a writer's cleverness off as your own

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

also if she lived on her own

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 11 September 2004 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

is that from a book? that actually raises my estimation of her.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Saturday, 11 September 2004 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

a book or a movie maybe

or a tv show

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 11 September 2004 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm good with vague outlines

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 11 September 2004 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, if they had drug tested at my work we'd have no sales team. And no helpdesk for that matter.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 11 September 2004 02:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Kinkos?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Saturday, 11 September 2004 02:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Nah I work for a multinational Australian Telco I am not going to mention (and no its not Telstra). They've just made me redundant after 5 years anyhoo and I'm glad to be going. If I hear "going forward" or "sweat the infrastructure" one more time I'll pop someone.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 11 September 2004 02:57 (twenty-one years ago)

let's not open that can of worms!

― kyle (akmonday), Saturday, 11 September 2004 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Me to straw/camel thread!

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 11 September 2004 03:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Trayce, you'll like this one. In a job I once had, the manager said to a hysterically tearful client who was too distraught to leave the office, 'We'll, we will have to leave the room now, as we can't really value-add to the conversation at this point'.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 11 September 2004 05:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to try that popcorn trick. So romantic!

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 11 September 2004 05:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I've always heard that the amount of time it takes maruhjawanna to clear out of your system is dependent on how regularly you smoke. So if you just smoked a bowl or two at a party but didn't smoke for a month before that, it should only take a few days for your peepee to pass the test.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 11 September 2004 05:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahahah Col thats the best(worst) thing ever.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 11 September 2004 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

(When did Jess turn into the narrator from "Cemetry Gates"?)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Saturday, 11 September 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

someone posted a picture of the pizza trick on the noise board, recently.

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 11 September 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

not safe for work: OMGWTFLOL

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 11 September 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

you probably don't need to click that.

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 11 September 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

When did Jess turn into the narrator from "Cemetry Gates"?

Besides, I thought I was the Wilde fan around here.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 11 September 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Hey, random curiosity (ok not that random) how did this go? I've got to pass a drug early wednesday morning and did a couple of lines saturday night. Make me feel better about this. :(

― log doubt, Monday, 7 February 2005 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

You won't get busted. I would regard you as less of an idiot had you known this beforehand instead of going ahead, doing it and then getting a case of the uhohs.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 7 February 2005 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't know! I mean, I knew it was coming up but didn't think it would be so soon. Thanks though.

― log doubt, Monday, 7 February 2005 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha I just clicked on Cozen's link to teh noiss bo3rd (NSFW!!! NSFW!!) Oh man, that egg-box!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 7 February 2005 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

OK I've now laughed so much at that penis eggbox picture that I've given myself a headache.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 7 February 2005 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh.. "head-ache".

Sorry.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 7 February 2005 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

Such tests are sometimes even requested for employment reasons, whereby a certain organization seeks to avoid hiring people using certain drugs, either for safety reasons (as in the case when a person is employed to operate dangerous machinery) or for legal and public relations reasons, as several common types of drug use are officially forbidden in much of the world. This controversial practice is not always legal and an employer can legally not discriminate against someone solely on the basis that he refuses a drug test.

really??

― oops (Oops), Friday, 24 February 2006 03:58 (twenty years ago)

Even if that is the case, they can still discriminate against employing someone because they "weren't the best candidate".

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Saturday, 25 February 2006 00:10 (twenty years ago)

right but what about this: I had been temping at a place for a few months, then they asked if I'd like to be become a perm employee. I agreed, and they said the next morning I should report to the HR dept. Yadda yadda yadda, they had me consent to a drug screening. (which I could either take right away, or since it was Friday, on Monday. hmm what to do, what to do). Thanks to my local head shop, I passed...but what if I had refused the screening?

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 25 February 2006 00:20 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Co-worker just refused lucrative new job (company just acquired) because of ethical issues with drug testing. Oh, also, he's a deadhead.

― libcrypt, Monday, 24 December 2007 19:21 (eighteen years ago)

FOOLISH!

― Abbott, Monday, 24 December 2007 19:53 (eighteen years ago)

racist test help!!!!!!!!

― and what, Monday, 24 December 2007 19:54 (eighteen years ago)

My pee-pee hates on the brown pee-pee – help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Abbott, Monday, 24 December 2007 19:56 (eighteen years ago)

help!!!!!!!!!!!

― El Tomboto, Monday, 24 December 2007 20:12 (eighteen years ago)

beatles remix/tribute album by all your favorite indie disco williamsburg transplants

― El Tomboto, Monday, 24 December 2007 20:13 (eighteen years ago)

how do i pass drug test

― jergïns, Monday, 24 December 2007 20:21 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

been doing a little research. apparently, as of 2006 at least, a) the thirty-day assumption is a myth propagated by the detox industry to prey on gullible, paranoid, and often-times desperate stoners, and b) drug officials aren't very happy about the widespread currency of this myth
http://www.ndci.org/sites/default/files/ndci/THC_Detection_Window_0.pdf
Based upon recent scientific evidence, at the 50 ng/mL cutoff concentration for the detection of cannabinoids in urine (using the currently available laboratory-based screening methods) it would be unlikely for a chronic user to produce a positive urine drug test result for longer than 10 days after the last smoking episode. Although there are no scientific cannabinoid elimination studies on chronic users using non-instrumented testing devices, one would assume that if the on-site devices are properly calibrated at the 50 ng/mL cutoff level the detection guidance would be the same. At the 20 ng/mL cutoff concentration for the detection of cannabinoids in urine (using the currently available laboratory-based screening methods) it would be uncommon for a chronic marijuana smoker to produce a positive urine drug test result longer than 21 days after the last smoking episode.
. . . unless that's what they want you to think. . . .

― kamerad, Wednesday, 28 July 2010 11:45 (fifteen years ago)

How do we know you're not one of ... THEM?

― kkvgz, Wednesday, 28 July 2010 11:57 (fifteen years ago)

. unless that's what they want you to think. .

weed paranoia, kids- just say no

― "It's far from 'lol' you were reared, boy" (darraghmac), Wednesday, 28 July 2010 11:59 (fifteen years ago)

I am so glad I have a job where occasional marijuana use is practically mandatory.

― Shut Up. Kenny G. Etc. (u s steel), Wednesday, 28 July 2010 12:27 (fifteen years ago)

I have a super uptight employer who claims to do random testing, and will also test you within 24 hours of any accident requiring medical attention that you have on the job. Ew.

― Lexaprotend (Stevie D), Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:07 (fifteen years ago)

I laugh whenever I see jobs advertised at the Minneapolis Star and Tribune because WTF at piss-testing journalists? They do.

― stoic newington (suzy), Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:18 (fifteen years ago)

Only a matter of time before they introduce it into all major record deals, and then we're fucked.

― "It's far from 'lol' you were reared, boy" (darraghmac), Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:21 (fifteen years ago)

I have a super uptight employer who claims to do random testing, and will also test you within 24 hours of any accident requiring medical attention that you have on the job. Ew.

Isn't the latter pretty much the usual thing for large corporations?

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:27 (fifteen years ago)

OTOH last week I was told about a Condé Nasty who fell afoul of her office drinks cabinet - only to be found passed out in some bushes around the block from Vogue House. They sent her to six months' rehab without blinking - or firing her.

― stoic newington (suzy), Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:38 (fifteen years ago)

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