HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIALHere, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe:
1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl.
2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space.
3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET.
4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals.
5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels.
6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs.
7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased.
8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet.
9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor.
10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.
Published on: 09/02/2004
ok, #10 made me laugh out lolly.
― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Monday, 20 September 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)