Advice wanted on the best way to hide a dead body...

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There are a few lying under the house and they are starting to stink up the floorboards. Where else can I hide them?

Thanks in advance

Harry
XX

― Homicidal Harry, Monday, 27 September 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

see Snatch.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 27 September 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Or maybe Weekend at Bernie's.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 September 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, he wishes he could :)

(xpost, bah)

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 27 September 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Donate them to a medical university, and the students will cut them up and dispose of them for you!

(This is what they are discussing in my office this afternoon.)

― Danger Whore (kate), Monday, 27 September 2004 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

smoothie machine

― cutty (mcutt), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Make a perfect human from the parts like Wierd Science. Kinda.

― Craig Gilchrist, Monday, 27 September 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

tate modern

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Chop them up, puree them, and can them.

Alternately, dump the body down an abandoned mineshaft.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

My friend Big says to hack them up, boil the flesh off their bones, puree it and flush it, saving the teeth and bones to be dissolved in lye.

I advise you never to piss him off.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Stick Fake Christmas tree branches on it with duct tape and hang tinsel from the fingers.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

feed them to the ducks.

― cis (cis), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Stuff it in certain ILXors' towel laundry basket. Judging by how rarely some of 'em look in there, it will at least buy you some time.

The smell should not present a problem (although the stiff might object)

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

You're assuming that the towels ever *reach* the laundry basket...

― Danger Whore (kate), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

More room for the stiff, so.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey! I wash my clothes twice a week!

― Danger Whore (kate), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Just spay Febreeze over the floorboards and ignore them.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

But beware of the beating of his hideous heart!

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread = Exhibit A

― cutty (mcutt), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

In the wars of Pepin with Italy, the French always brought large kettles with them in order to be able to take their killed compadres' bones back home (after boiling off the flesh).

― Bnad, Monday, 27 September 2004 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

That's frankly barbaric.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 27 September 2004 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Luna, did you just see a certain film?

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 27 September 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Monday, 27 September 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

as Penn & Teller suggested in an Onion interview a few years back, chop up the body, then get those big orange bags they use for highway trash.

that should work.

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you not going to fuck the dead bodies first?

― Necro Nathan (nickalicious), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

and you were regretting the cheerleader carwash post?!

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

(sssssh nobody knows it's me)

― the fast paced nation of hasbro birth-control and you (nickalicious), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know what film you mean, jaymc, so um, no?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Alternately, dump the body down an abandoned mineshaft.

I wouldn't want to spoil it, but I just saw a (recent) film with this plot.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahhh - no, this has been the method of choice for my friend Gr*g for many many years.

Not that he's done it.

That I'm aware of.

Just an 'if I had to, I would _______."

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

That doesn't sound at all incriminating, does it? If the FBI show up at my house soon, I'm gonna be really pissed.

I wonder if I should post a note on my door? 'Dear Feds: I know I wrote things on ILe that might be considered to be aiding and abetting a murderer, or at least make it seem like I know stuff, but really, I don't know anything at all. Ask anyone. Love, Luna'

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

anyone know how likely it would be to avoid the notice of the law if you asked your family/friends/loved ones to just bury you in the back yard?

― firstworldman (firstworldman), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

your friend "Big"???

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

bet he's got a teeny weenie

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is it always about size with you?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

You're all dirty.

― Ain't That Peculiar (kenan), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

We call him Big because he's 6'7" and weighs about 375 - all muscle. Mostly we're afraid of him.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

gee I wonder why

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought you were talking about Bigger in Native Son, that's how he gets rid of the woman he kills. Only he made the mistake of putting the teeth in the furnace, where they were found.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

(Also, I am talking to one of his ex girlfriends on the phone right now and since you wanted to know about the size of his penis, I asked her. She said, and I quote, 'darlin, if you know that a dollar bill is about 6 inches long, then Biggie has about $1.75 to spend.')

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

um, i never said i wanted to know.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

does your friend watch ricki lake a lot or som'n?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You know what? You're an asshole.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

You gots to chillllllllllll.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah. *I* need to.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll chill if you think about what you're saying before you say it. I know you're sitting there thinking that people think you're an asshole because I call you an asshole sometimes, but actually, it's because you say whatever pops into your head without thinking about what you're saying or how it could be taken, and then expect people to react to it as 'part of your ilx persona' - but that only works when people know you, and they don't.

So yeah, chill.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

wtf are you talking about?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I do not understand what is happening here.

― Ain't That Peculiar (kenan), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone?

xpost yeah

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm talking about the messages you always send me after I've told you on Ile that you're a dick that say that part of the reason people think you're a jerk is because I say you're one - and how it isn't true, and it's just a part you play, people should know that by now, goddammit. Is none of this ringing a bell?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

and you bring this up now because...?? take this off-board, dude.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

No, fuck that noise.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

advice wanted on best way to hide a dead thread

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Is this all about the Ricki Lake crack? It wasn't even very funny, much less offensive. I still don't understand what happened there.

― Ain't That Peculiar (kenan), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Nope, you wouldn't. Nevermind. I'm a bitch, didn't you know?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

The concrete under the end zone of Giants Stadium (purportedly) seems to have worked out for folks who offed Jimmy Hoffa. Course I think you gotta know a Teamster or something to get in on that action.

― Formerly Lee G (Formerly Lee G), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

(((You really should go offboard if you're not going to let us in on the juicy bits anyway. I wanted to know more about the big penis, and it was all interrupted.)))

― Ain't That Peculiar (kenan), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

WORLD'S LARGEST HAMBURGER

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 September 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Forget it oops, I was being unneccessarily bitchy, and I apologize.

― lunasnothere, Monday, 27 September 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

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