Girls who wear virtually nothing, pick up some guy, get dumped the next morning and then whine and moan about how all men are bastards... they deserve it though don't they?

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Cos at the end of the day, it's there own fault. Dress nicer, don't shag about and hold out for meeting a nicer person. Not so hard is it you silly bint? Ha ha. Controversial Colin is always right.

― Controversial Colin., Monday, 27 September 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

you're just jealous cos they get more sex than you do.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that's right, she deserves it.

You cunt.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

move along, nothing to see here

― teh pow! (blueski), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Please clarify "virtually nothing"

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that like those t-shirts that have breasts printed on the front paired with the skirt with the ass printed on the back?

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 27 September 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that's right, she deserves it.
You cunt.

-- luna (luna_cee...), September 27th, 2004.

Hey, you can always keep your legs closed honey. Controversial Colin does not charge for this advice by the way...

― Controversial Colin., Monday, 27 September 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

And you can always keep your dick in your pants. Failing that, cram your head up your ass.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Controversial Colin does not believe in exploiting poor, drunken girlies with half a brain. Other men are not so kind though...

Hint: Stay clean unless you can control yourself. Any guy who wants to shag you right after meeting you probably isn't gonna want to take you out for lunch the next day. Alright then?

― Controversial Colin., Monday, 27 September 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Can I please kick your face off?

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

PLEASE

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Controversial Colin does not believe in exploiting poor, drunken girlies with half a brain.

Not getting any Cal?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Keep masturbating, Calum, people are going to start ignoring you again REAL soon.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

My name is Colin and I live in Surrey.

As for kicking my face off - Controversial Colin does not choose to resort to violence.

― Controversial Colin., Monday, 27 September 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It's okay, you can just sit still.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.sarpy.com/ema/moulage/shock.jpg

― Jimmy Mod, Los Sexx Yanqui (ModJ), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

The great thing about us kicking faces off is requires no change in opinion from the kickee.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

i love the "and I live in Surrey" bit.

Hint: Stay clean unless you can control yourself. Any guy who wants to shag you right after meeting you probably isn't gonna want to take you out for lunch the next day. Alright then?

that isn't true. i want to shag a lot of girls right after meeting them, and also would love to take them out for lunch the next day.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmm lunch.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm pretty good value for money really. come have lunch with me and you even get a shag to go with it.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

oh wait that doesn't sound right...

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Hear that girls Ken C's cheap, AND you'll get lunch.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

The funniest thing about these Calum alter egos is that he actually seems to think we don't know it's him.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

There's nothing alter about these egos.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, like we get lots of people this dumb and misogynist with the same IP address!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm pretty good value for money really. come have lunch with me and you even get a shag to go with it.

Even if you can get seated at a decent banquette I've found that shagging tends to be off-putting for the other patrons and leads to slower and more erratic service from the servers. So, nowadays, lunch then shagging or shagging (pour l'appétit) then lunch but no more 'lunch with a shag'.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha Martin.

Calum, this is piss-weak stuff. Really, quite pathetic and pitiful.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

you're all still replying to it, which is what he clearly wants

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

So why are you wasting time replying to it then?

― Pashmina Needs a Life, Monday, 27 September 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

He seems to have stopped actually pretending to participate otherwise, though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

How brave of you to post your statement anonymously (btw I'm at work, so you know, fuck you, you cowardly sack of shit?)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 27 September 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this just reconfirms my opinion that people who refer to themselves in the third person, even on the internet are more often than not Tommy Tankers.

― fractal (fractal), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.jordansplace.net/scrapbook/flambe/flambe2003/flambe2003/birdwoman.jpg

ControColin's dream bird.

― Ornothologeeohmyohmy!, Monday, 27 September 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Under that bird suit, that woman looks rather pretty, actually.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

No lunch until she changes clothes, though.

― Ain't That Peculiar (kenan), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

minus the chicken feet and she's from Battle of the Planets.

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Hypnotic, that.

― Ain't That Peculiar (kenan), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

(Um, how come I can see those even though I have images turned off? That's actually kinda bad, considering I'm posting from work.)

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 27 September 2004 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

n/a.. that isn't an image.. it's your brain.

your brain on PLURKITTIES!

― Ornothologeeohmyohmy!, Monday, 27 September 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/ccc.jpg

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Monday, 27 September 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, the one on the left is a fat bastard, but the other two look badass. What's your fucking problem? Three times the Calum means three times the action- I bet this guy could eat a fucking tank, or kick any of your Cunts in.

And who's to say that Calum is Controversial Colin? I bet three of this guy could kick Colins ass, and save all you whining bitches from receiving a verbal bitch-slapping from Colins love-udder.

― Dale Da Big Bone, Monday, 27 September 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, we know you're jerking off to that picture as we speak.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 27 September 2004 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah man, dick in hand, I salute you all.

Listen, if this Controversial Colin chap and that C-Man chap keep you from going out and mercilessly treating some beautiful but vacant hunny like shit (and all she wanted was another baby), and kept you stud-muffins in front of a monitor instead of laying some dumb bimbo up the dirt pipe, then fucking hell, they've done their jobs.

Especially the dude who went to all that photoshop trouble to duplicate the C-Man (I suppose it took him away from morphing Bin Laden's head on to Roesanne Barr's body- a service to humankind if ever there was one).

I think they should get the nobel prize for keeping all you potential rapists indoors.

― Dale Da Big Bone, Monday, 27 September 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh go to bed. I've got a valid excuse for staring at a computer screen at two in the morning, I'm still working. But I think you might be a tiny bit of a hypocrite when you say others need to get out more.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 27 September 2004 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, like what- living in LA? Anna, dear, if your a fucking student you should have planned your time better. I should get out more. Surely some fowl wench out there would harbour my ugly seed, and allow me to bring forth the man-muck.

― Dale Da Big Bone, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 00:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I doubt you're in LA, but hey ho. I'm a journalist, not a student.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

fowl wench = a chicken?

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, what is with people actually responding?

― teh pow! (blueski), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

To be fair, ~~Calum~~ Colin is entirely right though, I mean, isn't he? Yes yes yes. Never shag on the first night unless it's with ~~Calum~~ Colin, and even then don't be surprised if he kicks you in the cunt. It's no wonder he's married several times over, is it?

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 22 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Controversial Colin:
http://homepages.tesco.net/~acp/badnews/mbn04.jpg

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Jon Bon Jovi beats Rik Mayall to death with his own shoes. Film at 11.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

two years pass...

http://tigernet.princeton.edu/~cl1999/images/PAW/cn106_13_smiley_thumb.jpg http://tigernet.princeton.edu/~cl1999/images/PAW/cn106_13_smiley_thumb.jpg http://tigernet.princeton.edu/~cl1999/images/PAW/cn106_13_smiley_thumb.jpg

― ☪, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:41 (eighteen years ago)

controversial colin otm

― and what, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:42 (eighteen years ago)

I half expected it to say Started by Controversial Colin. (calum), last updated 5 minutes ago

― aldo, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:49 (eighteen years ago)

he really hated girls, didn't he?

― stevie, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:57 (eighteen years ago)

it's amazing how tame he seems now

― electricsound, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:58 (eighteen years ago)

I liked the thread (might not have been on here, might have been on Two Weeks) where he told me I should go and piss on an electricity pylon. "All my friends in the pub agree with me on this." (Pub = his head)

― aldo, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:01 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, when a new breed of more aggressive trolls rolled in, I remember thinking about how tame and predictable Calum was compared to them. Like a household poltergeist who at times might steal your cookies, but you're so used to him being around it feels sorta cozy.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:02 (eighteen years ago)

(x-post)

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:02 (eighteen years ago)

He was always tame!! He was just really effective at pressing the mods' buttons (as a mod for part of his tenure I can vouch for this - he did that thing the best/worst trolls do of making you feel really annoyed at yrself for responding but still doing it).

In fact he's still doing it - this is my first post on ILE for weeks!

― Groke, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:08 (eighteen years ago)

controversial colin otm

-- and what, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:42

"controversial ethan"

― Frogman Henry, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:15 (eighteen years ago)

solid revive

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:18 (eighteen years ago)

it's amazing how tame he seems now

-- electricsound, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 12:58 (4 minutes ago)

Indeed. Depressing too.

Ha ha Tom. You are of course absolutely correct.

― Pashmina, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:19 (eighteen years ago)

Didn't Momus argue that he made Ilx feel specially uncomfortable or something? That he played on ilx's collective "weakpoints"? Anyway I think, from what i can gather from thread revives it was liking second rate britpop made him an "outsider" from the off.

― acrobat, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:23 (eighteen years ago)

The other classic troll tactic he was rly good at was escalating things really subtly across half a dozen threads so that if you were a mod or one of his targets you felt really besieged BUT if you were just another user the cumulative effect was lost and so any action the mods took looked even heavier-handed.

― Groke, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:24 (eighteen years ago)

I thought the most irritating part of him was how he time from time pretended he had reformed and posted normally, but after a while, when gullible people like myself had bought it, he always reverted back to trolling.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:27 (eighteen years ago)

he was no doompatrol :(

― DG, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 13:29 (eighteen years ago)

he was friends with fewer music industry hasbeens for a start

― electricsound, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 23:47 (eighteen years ago)

For the most part, I just thought his "controversial" posts were stupid.

I like periodically reviving I love having my dog lick peanut butter off my balls because I find it insanely funny that THAT is the thread where the Ned/Doompatrol feud officially ended.

― HI DERE, Thursday, 27 September 2007 00:26 (eighteen years ago)

Calum on Calum:

"Calum Wdl has an easy writing style that makes this a pleasure to read"

http://www.amazon.com/Minds-Fear-Calum-Waddell/dp/1887664572

― Eyeball Kicks, Thursday, 27 September 2007 00:30 (eighteen years ago)

"Ha ha. Controversial Colin is always right."

What a way to end a sentence.

― m bison, Thursday, 27 September 2007 02:50 (eighteen years ago)

i loved doompatrol.

― estela, Thursday, 27 September 2007 02:56 (eighteen years ago)

I always thought Calum was so over the top obvious on purpose, yanking everyone's chains, I never understood why it pissed people off.

― Trayce, Thursday, 27 September 2007 02:58 (eighteen years ago)

I mean apart from being tiresome, but wtf, he wasnt genuine, he was pissing on ILX.

― Trayce, Thursday, 27 September 2007 02:58 (eighteen years ago)

Now K3rry on the other hand - there's yer genuine fuckuppery.

― Trayce, Thursday, 27 September 2007 02:58 (eighteen years ago)

But that's the the exact definition of a troll, isn't it? Intentionally yanking everyone's chains, instead of being genuinely mentally disturbed, like Kerry was. I don't think too many people took him seriously anymore by the time he'd morphed into Controversial Colin/Nutty Nigel/etc though, just look at the answers this thread originally got.

― Tuomas, Thursday, 27 September 2007 05:48 (eighteen years ago)

he wasn't benign, tuomas. twice his bullshit took on weird and IRL consequences for me.

― remy bean, Thursday, 27 September 2007 06:22 (eighteen years ago)

http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/c1/00/e1a4225b9da01b6745824110.L.jpg
Coming soon!

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 27 September 2007 07:13 (eighteen years ago)

OMGWTFLOL

nb: doompatrol is the worst poster this board has ever had.

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Thursday, 27 September 2007 08:25 (eighteen years ago)

Ha, good luck to him.

He often reminded me of a 'not very good' stand-up comedian, who went totally off it if anyone heckled. Short-fuse guy.

― Mark G, Thursday, 27 September 2007 08:55 (eighteen years ago)

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,807,785 in Books

How many books do Amazon sell?

― onimo, Thursday, 27 September 2007 11:09 (eighteen years ago)

2,807,787

― HI DERE, Thursday, 27 September 2007 11:10 (eighteen years ago)

Someone's got it in for him...

The same though sadly cannot be said of his protégé Calum, who pops up elsewhere in the magazine with an interview with screenplay writer Joe Stefano. The problem here is not with the quality of the article, the responses from Stefano are fascinating and entertaining, what generally always taints Calum's work is the obvious fact that he really knows little about (or even bothers to research) the genre he is so desperate to get his name attached to. What we have here is a young man who would probably sell his mothers soul to get his name in lights in any publishing or industry by-line, but being in the right place with the right people does not an informed critic or journalist make.

[ADMIN: broke link to s.g.m. site. Don't want these creeps coming here]

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 27 September 2007 13:52 (eighteen years ago)

Did LJ write that?

― Mark C, Thursday, 27 September 2007 13:53 (eighteen years ago)

right, so an interview that gets interesting and entertaining responses from the subject is a bad thing?

― Mark G, Thursday, 27 September 2007 13:55 (eighteen years ago)

It just seems very personal - whoever it is (and the list of...ahem...SexGoreMutants, is here)...

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 27 September 2007 14:02 (eighteen years ago)

I read that review page and all the air around me began to taste of Doritos, it was weird

― DJ Mencap, Thursday, 27 September 2007 14:21 (eighteen years ago)

nb: doompatrol is the worst poster this board has ever had.

Oh bollocks, doompatrol was/is great. Worst was Orson, that crepey " the new album by (band/artist) has leaked, it's up on my server, you can come and get it but only if I invite you" dude.

― Pashmina, Thursday, 27 September 2007 15:37 (eighteen years ago)

Doompatrol wasn't all that great in my memory, pash :)

― Mark C, Thursday, 27 September 2007 15:53 (eighteen years ago)

didn't people meet him for real and he was really nice?

― DG, Thursday, 27 September 2007 15:55 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/books/everythingthatrisesimages/chamberlain345.jpg

― Ned Trifle II, Friday, 28 September 2007 11:32 (eighteen years ago)

Not that doompatrol is like Hitler, I hasten to add...

― Ned Trifle II, Friday, 28 September 2007 11:33 (eighteen years ago)

What books does Hi Dere imagine are outranked by Calum's opus??

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 28 September 2007 11:35 (eighteen years ago)

K's Choice: The Untold Story
The Making Of "When A Man Loves A Woman"

― HI DERE, Friday, 28 September 2007 11:38 (eighteen years ago)

Doompatrol wasn't all that great in my memory, pash :)

Fair enough!

― Pashmina, Friday, 28 September 2007 12:02 (eighteen years ago)

Also omg @ cman's BOOK!

― Pashmina, Friday, 28 September 2007 12:03 (eighteen years ago)

Jesus Dan! Now there's tea all over the keyboard.

― accentmonkey, Friday, 28 September 2007 12:03 (eighteen years ago)

(hee hee)

― HI DERE, Friday, 28 September 2007 12:10 (eighteen years ago)

cman's TWO books Pash!

(although they may well be half the same book)

― energy flash gordon, Friday, 28 September 2007 13:51 (eighteen years ago)

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