A close shave with popular star celebrated of yore alas

And d’you know that Hendricks Jimmy he came into hospital grounds into territory of said hospital wheeled in ambulance positioned spreadeagled I said oh golly gosh that’s somewhat inappropriate but White Van Ambulance Man told me to shut it or else. So I elsed goodness gracious me and shut it by it I presumed ambulance door only Hendricks not wheeled out by that stage so shut it on poor Jimmy foot oh what a palaver anyway wheeled him in started taking details but not much coming out of him bar sputum the colour was green obviously overate too many WeekEnd chocolate boxes I always said to Pepe young man you must watch not to dose over on tasty chocolate treats. And before I could obtain addresses what do you know he was dead decease. So had to deal with newly late guitar player Mr Hendricks corpse of deceased and I tell you what he was in a right royal state must clean him up prior to internment under the grounds and he had this cross of thorns it were thorn of crowns and many blood slashes over throat and neck as was cross and obviously metal thus very sharp indeed and shirt which looked like it had sick all over it it was multicoloured rainbowed by sick so I said to warden bursar this shall never do must clean up and his skin was right filthy as though he had smeared himself with nigger brown boot polish so decided to clear up mess but very difficult would not come off on damp cloth ergo attempted to scrape said shoe cleaner off skin with turps very good quality mind you got it from ironmongers Stratford Villas W8 but that was a right bloody scrape and ooh I was embarrassed. So second item on corpse disposal agenda was to make Hendricks Jimmy Guitars more presentable for family et cetera. Could not bury him in sick-covered shirt and panty hose so rang up Abbot Lodge by coincidence Herbert Driver had passed away the previous eve very nice gentleman fought Boers but never bore HE HE HE HE HE so adopted his suit very clean on still warm too and dressed young Hendrick in smart three-piece pinstripe suit with Victorian gentleman’s waistcoat very personable it was too and finally decided to insert cotton bud excerpt segments into corners of mouth to give nice minstrel grin for burying him in as is very important to look good and give right impression to family and the friends of said. That having been quoted mind you I was never a great fan of the Jimmy ooh Bert Weedon and Vick Flick they were professional master craftsmen and very personable gentlemen too you know Hendricks never gave old books to us for League of Friends Xmas Raffle but Weedon did very nice man live next door to Hatty Jack always cut the ribbon on Psychogeriatric Sports Day.