Lying Thread Pt. 2 - Outrageous Lies of Childhood

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At 11 I told my friends that a girl at school was part of an exclusive sex club to which I, also, belonged. I told them that a limousine cruised around town late at night picking up the members of the club and bringing them to an orgy temple. I wasn't sure exactly what one did at this temple, but I lied and told them that we peed on each other and shaved our pubic hair off. My friend J03 stayed up until 3 one night trying to catch a glimpse of the limo, and didn't see it, so he found out and didn't talk to me until LAST YEAR.

I told a playground aide that my father was building a rollercoaster in the water tunnels underneath the town and that I was able to ride it to school whenever I wanted.

I told my teacher I'd take her to Las Vegas for her birthday, and I gave her a blue rubber balloon ring and told her it was made of 'ground up diamonds'

At 13 I told a girl named KR (JON WILLIAMS WHERE ARE YOU?) that I had little bits of dinosaur bones in my basement, and that I kept them hidden in fimo clay, and that I was going to clone dinosaurs. She claimed she had the equipment to clone, that it was 'easy' and that if I brought them in she'd give me half credit and a baby stegasaurus. I knew she was lying, but she was lying in response to my lie, so I brought in the dinosaur bone (just white modelling clay), incited a fight with her, and proceeded to eat the bone to spite her. I pooped it out about an hour later.

I told my sister I could fly if I had the equipment to connect to the brain of one of our ducks.

I heard our shetland pony talk - it said it didn't like my sister.

If I left 13 pumpkin seeds and 13 pennies on my window sill, I was visited by a silver-faced apparition called "Silver Man" whom I think was loosely modelled after Silver Surfer. He was benign.

I once saw my dead uncle in the bathroom when I was taking a bath, shortly after his death. My dad seemed upset and almost believed me, but it was total BS.

I was visited by a phantom cat at night that slept on my bed, but nobody else ever saw it because I let it out at 4 am.

Etc, etc. All bullshit.

Anyway, like I said, I lied alot to my sisters. I told my younger sister that I went to this place called Secret Friend Land sometimes. In Secret Friend Land, we each have an identical twin, but they have their own personalities and usually have a British accent. When I would be away in Secret Friend Land, my secret friend would come to our house in my place, but we could never be together. Actually, we had been together just a couple of times, but those were very rare and it was dangerous and could only happen in SFL, not here. I can't remember what mine was named - Ashley I think? Anyway, I would get there through the closet. So, I'd say goodbye to my sister, go in the closet, change clothes and come back out with the alternate personality and swear up and down I wasn't Sarah. And I told her (as the Secret Friend)that I was a big rockstar in Secret Friend land and really famous.

When I got a little older, I told her the truth, but made her promise she'd spread the lie with me to our youngest sister. So then we were in it together and were able to do trickier things, like help the other run, hide, change clothes, and reappear somewhere else as the secret friend.

The other story is just that the middle sister and I put a tape in the youngest sister's Cricket doll, so she thought the doll was actually talking to her. Instead of teaching her how to count, it would say, "Hi, L3slie, I'm Cricket. I can really talk, and only you know, so don't tell anyone."

OK one of the wedding consultants I spoke to to book a venue for the upcoming nuptuals was, indeed, named Maryland. She works at the Str4thm0r3.

First, I told everyone that my middle name was Hermione (it's Ann). (This was after the infants, where I called myself Ebony, wrote it on all my books and refused to answer to my real name.)

Then, we had to keep diaries in primary school and all of mine was a work of imaginative genius tissue of lies. In one entry I mentioned going to my great-grandmother's 111th birthday party. The teacher seemed a little suspicious so in the next entry I killed her off.

I also wrote that my class teacher Miss Sm1th was having a torrid affair with Mr P4ge. (It turned out that she actually was, though, so really I wasn't lying. Just psychic and in a heap of trouble.)

I once made a lead coin using lost wax casting and told my friend's parents (whose house I was at) that it was a real Roman coin I'd found in the school grounds. Since her dad was an archaeologist this was really pretty stupid.

Finally, I stubbornly refused to admit to tying a boy's shoelaces together although the whole class was being kept behind 'until the culprit confesses'. Nobody ever found out it was me. UNTIL NOW.

Oh and I told my sister that it was illegal to read 'Just 17' unless you were 17, and she would be arrested if she read it (as would I but I laughed in the face of danger.)