How to Turn into a Donut

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Old-school Krispy Kremes where you can watch the donuts being made radicool. On the conveyor belts. And they have so much glaze they are so yummy I want to run in the back of the store and ride on the conveyor belt and smear pastry all over my body and get quickie fried enough to where a donut shell is my second skin. Then I would dip self in glaze and be a hot Donut Batter Man!

Then I could run down the street and police would chase me. Probably because they would want to eat me! Then they would shoot me thru the upper torso and I would be a Donut too! The blood could be the jelly. Then I could have something to eat in the ambulance ride.

They might say, who the hell is this walkin', talkin' Gingerbread Mang. They I'd tell them alas I was no Gingerbread, but the Donut Christ. They'd say I was crazy. I'd say "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares!" But, the quarter would have a hole innit and they'd say, "Hey, what's big idea! There's a hole in the quarter!"

"Well, there's a hole in this Donut too!"

Then I would steal an Uzi and escape to the next Krispy Kreme or donut shop with a conveyer belt. What dreams may come.

― Donniewalder Donuts Go There, Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:08 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.amgmedia.com/freephotos/apples.jpg

http://www.maria-brazil.org/newimages/bananas.jpg

http://www.wegmans.com/kitchen/ingredients/produce/fruit/images/watermelon.jpg

http://www.maria-brazil.org/newimages/mangoes.jpg

http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/veggies/images/corn.jpg

http://www.hort.purdue.edu/ext/senior/vegetabl/images/large/broccoli.jpg

― Kenan (kenan), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i like that story a whole lot.

― [email protected], Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(sorry, that was more for me than anyone else. A talisman against the all-powerful donut.)

― Kenan (kenan), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I do too. I would make it into a major motion picture starring a cast of exciting young people.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Until the last couple, I thought those pictures were stills from the battle scenes in the all-fruit version of "Spartacus".

― Pangolino (ricki spaghetti), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:26 (twenty-one years ago)

If Christ had dunked doughnuts, Communion sure would be a lot funner.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Christopher Walken seeks the Donut Christ:

http://www.atlanticdvd.com.au/product_images/large/communion.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

in period costume:

http://giganticmag.com/images/18398_w.jpg

― Kenan (kenan), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

What a glorious day this has been.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm back...

from the fryer.

― donut christ (donut), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 07:02 (twenty-one years ago)

haha, from the frying pan into the friar's pan.

(wait.. ew)

― donut christ (donut), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 07:03 (twenty-one years ago)

are you holey as well?

― Kenan (kenan), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 07:03 (twenty-one years ago)

im the mashped potato mushkin.

― [email protected], Wednesday, 17 November 2004 07:05 (twenty-one years ago)

please write more mister donut. dont give upped. write more of that story with the donuts. its time to make the donuts. go ahead mister donut im enjoying that story. go ahead and write more. add more to that story. add a whole lot more. its time to make the donuts.

― [email protected], Wednesday, 17 November 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Donuts?

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:42 (twenty-one years ago)

ROD ROOTER'S ESTATE
Things you can usually do at Rod Rooter's Estate:

Click on the gate
Climb the tree
Look into Donut's room
Explore for up to one minute. If you don't interact with a character,
you will get the Hour Warning.
Click forward (cursor is a steering wheel) to go back to Spudmobile OR
Arrive in the next Hour at Rod Rooter's house.

HOUR 01
1. Watch Donut Rooter writhe in her sleep
2. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 02
1. Listen to Donut talk to Daddy-0 on her phone
2. Watch Donut leave the room to take a shower
3. Listen to the song
4. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 03
1. Click on the monitor to see Whip It and collect a Devo Rule
2. Listen to Donut talk to Sun Wang Pin
3. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 04
1. Listen to Donut talk to Sun Wang Pin and then Eva
2. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 05
1. Watch Donut looking at Turkey Monkey outside her window
OR
2 Click on Donut and be attacked by Turkey Monkey
3 Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 06
1. Watch Booji Boy and General Boy save Donut
2. Watch Sun Wang Pin steal Turkey Monkey
3. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 07
1. Listen to the Song
2. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 08
1. Watch Donut and Eva on the bed
2. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 09
1. Watch Hope cry pitifully on the bed
2. Be attacked by Turkey Monkey

HOUR 10
1. Listen to Hope's phone conversation with Rev. Vince Gassale
2. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 11
1. Enjoy the exchange between Rod Rooter and his wife Hope
2. Receive the Hour Warning

HOUR 12
1. Watch Rod sleeping on the Bed
2. Watch Donut enter and recoil in horror
3. Receive the Hour Warning

― hockey family (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

InterILE Memo: Donut wit

In re: the recent posting on ILE of "How to Turn into a Donut", wherein can be found the following:

...the quarter would have a hole innit and they'd say, "Hey, what's big idea! There's a hole in the quarter!"

"Well, there's a hole in this Donut too!"

I would like to point out that in July, 1965, during a very protracted trip by automobile from Oregon to Wisconsin, my father taught me and my siblings a song, lyrics of which are reproduced below. A cursory perusal of said lyrics is suffeicient to establish that the 'hole in the quarter(sic)' witticism retailed as original by the ILXor known as Donniewalder Donuts Go There is, so far from being the result of personal wit, instead a plagarism. J'accuse, Donniwalder, j'accuse!

Eagle River Donut Song (To the tune of: Turkey in the Straw)

Oh, I went to Eagle River and I walked around the block.
I walked right into a bakery shop.
I hooked me a donut right out of the grease.
The lady there said they was five cents apiece.

So, I gave her a nickel and she says to me,
"This gosh darned nickel's no good to me.
"There's a hole in the middle and it's all the way through."
I said, "There's a hole in your donut, too!"

Q.E.D.

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

To use my boy TT's lines:

Call somebody who'll listen,
And might give a DAMN!
And listen to all your
Sordid affairs...

But don'tchya come round here,
Usin' all uv them lines.
HERE'S A QUARTER (with a hole innit)
CALL SOMEONE WHO CARES!!!

YEAH!YYYE-YEAH YEAH! YEAH!

― Donniewalder Donuts Go There, Thursday, 18 November 2004 08:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Quarter's no good. Lend me your cell phone, willya?

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have one.
If you want to use the teledonut you can.

― Donniewalder Donuts Go There, Friday, 19 November 2004 03:28 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

I'm little poofball of glaze and do do
Cartoon of cutties like a dozen toy toy
Don't put me in that big brown bag.
O joy sugar sprinkle dinkle led.
Don't bite me I go no chocky fo head.

Cuz I'm Hull, the little Donut hole!

― Hull, Son of Donniewalder, Saturday, 5 March 2005 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0002TX4G6.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Saturday, 5 March 2005 09:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry but I dont get the krispy-love. Doughnuts are meant to be just that - doughy, bready, nyom. I dont wanna eat a mouthfull of sugary air. Blerugh.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 5 March 2005 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

one of my favorite threads, for some reason.

― Michael F Gill, Wednesday, 14 May 2008 02:45 (eighteen years ago)

Donuts are kind of gross.

― libcrypt, Wednesday, 14 May 2008 02:47 (eighteen years ago)

Trayce is absolutely otm in this thread.

― Autumn Almanac, Wednesday, 14 May 2008 02:52 (eighteen years ago)

i like that story a whole lot.

-- T✧✧@K✧✧.E✧✧, Tuesday, November 16, 2004 10:19 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Link

haha i thought of tim when i read it ;-)

― Doraemon, Wednesday, 14 May 2008 06:12 (eighteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.