how often do you blow people off?

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such as, not returning calls or e-mails.

― ela, Saturday, 20 November 2004 05:28 (twenty-one years ago)

SEVERAL TIMES A DAY

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 20 November 2004 05:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Forcibly instilled guilt from fourteen years of Catholic education usually prevents me from such things. But I've done it on occaission.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 20 November 2004 05:38 (twenty-one years ago)

every fucking day. in a nice way. i seem to have accumulated these people who drop by and want to chat about the banalist shit and i blow them off to get back to ilx.

o, wait...

― bulbs (bulbs), Saturday, 20 November 2004 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Very rarely, but people do it to me constantly.

― god made dirt and dirt bust ass (papa november), Saturday, 20 November 2004 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't do it a lot, but when I do it feels so damn good.

― jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 20 November 2004 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

almost never, but i very rarely ever have reason to do so

― kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 20 November 2004 06:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyday, as I walk out of the Tube, past a vagrant.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 20 November 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

take the "off" out of the thread title and the answers above still make perfect sense

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 20 November 2004 08:57 (twenty-one years ago)

well, since it's my main source of income right now, about 20 times a night.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 20 November 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 20 November 2004 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Nice one.

― Every country has their stupid (AaronHz), Saturday, 20 November 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

i rarely if ever do it when it's emails: i usually keep on replying until the other stops. i just realized i might appear annoying. shit. i never realized this before.

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Saturday, 20 November 2004 10:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I've started to feel a lot less bad about blowing people off. I freaking hate it when it's done to me. So I start to view it as karmic payback when I do it to other people now. Maybe this is petty. I don't know.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Saturday, 20 November 2004 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate it so I avoid doing it other people. Weird.

― god made dirt and dirt bust ass (papa november), Saturday, 20 November 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

That is how I used to feel. I really did.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Saturday, 20 November 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

What changed?

― god made dirt and dirt bust ass (papa november), Saturday, 20 November 2004 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait -- you're supposed to return calls and e-mails?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Saturday, 20 November 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'M WAITING MARIA.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 20 November 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

very rarely when I'm supposed to meet someone, occasionally with email, but with phone calls quite a lot actually.

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 20 November 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I never do this. But dammit yesterday I was blown off three times and it pisses me off. Should i just assume excuses like 'Oh, im sorry i was busy' are genuine and not meant to just over up the fact that people genuinely don't give a second thought about calling me?

― Adam Bruneau (oliver8bit), Saturday, 20 November 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I always return email and calls within a reasonable amount of time. It's just common courtesy, and I expect the same from other people.

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 20 November 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm bad with returning emails, but not phone calls, usually. what qualifies as blowing someone off via email? i guess i figure that people understand...i just go through phases where i don't feel like emailing much at all, and i hope people don't take it personally.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Saturday, 20 November 2004 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

i sometimes don't call people back. i sometimes don't e-mail back, but it's kind of an accident.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Most people call or email because they want something from me, and it's fairly common for me to avoid emailing or calling someone back until I'm able to address their needs.

― Pangolino (ricki spaghetti), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I frequently postpone replying to a text message for what I think is a minute or two, as I imagine people would be unnerved by receiving a reply 20 seconds after they sent the message, but then the next thing I know it's a week later.

I think text messages are probably really unhealthy.

― M1chael Ph1lip Ph1lip Ph1lip Ph1lip Ph1lip Ann0yman (Ferg), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

They're good for your spelling if you use predictive.

― Wooden (Wooden), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahaha. I just blew off someone i was supposed to meet a week ago five minutes ago (phone rang, looked at caller id, "ungh", did not pick up and will not call back)

― mouse (mouse), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

And there is nothing morally wrong with doing so, dammit!

― mouse (mouse), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Predictive typing's a bit bad for accidentally saying completely the wrong word and not noticing it. I would imagine the chances of it causing you to accidentally blow someone off are relatively slim (if you know anbody called Maxi be wary of calling them a Nazi).

― M1chael Ph1lip Ph1lip Ph1lip Ph1lip Ph1lip Ann0yman (Ferg), Saturday, 20 November 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I've had people flake out on me in the past and I give them a couple of extra chances, but if they flake out more than a couple of times, I sort of shrug and delete 'em from my cell. I don't take it personally, but life's too short to waste on some people.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 21 November 2004 09:13 (twenty-one years ago)

OTM

― don't blame me, i voted for buford pusser (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 21 November 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know what changed. I guess it was a kind of "straw that broke the camel's back" type situation where I got so continually sick of people blowing me off, that one day I just decided to bow to peer pressure or something. I wish I were a nicer person, but I'm just not.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Sunday, 21 November 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, you're plenty nice. Don't fret.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 21 November 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not fretting. I'm just in a very odd place right now.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Sunday, 21 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm just in a very odd place right now.

Web cafes aren't usually *that* odd

;-)

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 21 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate, maybe I haven't been posting around here long enough to ask such a question, but what the fuck: do you feel like it drains you to be a nicer person, i.e. you're saving all your TLC for yourself?

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 21 November 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Almost never, unless I'm seriously distracted or have an urgent matter to deal with.

― k3rry (dymaxia), Sunday, 21 November 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

HEY GUYS I DON'T HAVE TO RESPOND TO THIS BYE

― Does John Coltrane Dream of a Merry-go-round? (ex machina), Sunday, 21 November 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I have just committed one week to going on holiday with two different people (my sister and my bf) and have to cancel one of them. I don't know how to do this, I hate this when it happens to me. I think they are both equally deserving of time and attention but there is only so much time and attention to give.

I should never have made plans without checking my work and my home calendars but oh fuck. Maybe everyone will hate me after this and then it won't be a problem anymore.

― isadora (isadora), Sunday, 21 November 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd choose the boyfriend in your situation, as you are more likely to get sex.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 21 November 2004 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Rereading, I see the "what the fuck" is likely to be misread: it was short for "but what the fuck, I'll ask it anyway".

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 21 November 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Thankyou for this perspective. I actually feel more relaxed now.

― isadora (isadora), Monday, 22 November 2004 01:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought this was a c-man thread

(xpost with gear)

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 22 November 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

also, I have friends who will flake out in ways that are not rude but just sort of annoying. One friend of mine will bail on coffee about 1/4th of the time we're supposed to meet up, but that doesn't bother me. Actually it bothers me more when we meet up for beer and she drags along her trio of "fanboys": one guy who talks about nothing but James Bond films and the Simpsons, another who can't stop talking about Annie Lennox, and a third who I think is psychotic and liable to shoot up the video gaming company he works at (tech support dept). but that's another story.

I guess I really only throw up my hands and write people off when their blowoffs are rude.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 22 November 2004 08:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have any TLC for myself at the moment. How can one be nice to other people, and expect other people to be nice to you, when your own head is a whirling cyclone of self loathing?

Other people start to avoid you when you get like that. And that leads you to avoid other people in reaction.

It drains me at the moment to be anywhere except in bed, alternately reading apocalyptic poetry and pr0n.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 22 November 2004 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

The problem is, when one starts talking like this, and trying to be honest instead of buoying oneself up in a flurry of smuttalk and silliness, then one gets accused of self pity, which only increases the self loathing.

It's a vicious cycle. Hating oneself makes it hard to be around a person. So people avoid one. And then that justifies the sense of righteous indignation that leads one to blow others off.

Anyway...

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 22 November 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

God, why do I *DO* this? Saying this shit on the internet doesn't make me feel any better, in fact, it only makes me feel guilty about spewing as well as how badly I'm blowing off my friends at the moment.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 22 November 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't feel bad about spewing, Kate. Everybody has to at some time or another, and this is as good a place to do it as anywhere.

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 22 November 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

seven months pass...

what bugs me more than anything else (and i'm going through this now) is when i've made vague plans with someone and i leave messages trying to get them to call back and work out the specifics with me, and i say very plainly "call me back and let me know," and they keep blowing me off because to actually make a plan for anything would be the ultimate in style-crampage and besides who can be bothered now that we've got cell phones. you know what though? i don't like surprises. i'm not really a "whatever, whenever, maybe, maybe not, my life's just one ongoing party and feel free to segue in and out as you please" kind of person. am i weird for being this way? i've had this problem with other friends, and they're not friends anymore.

― plan 9 from outer mongolia, Thursday, 14 July 2005 04:48 (twenty years ago)

i never do, but i probably should.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 14 July 2005 05:18 (twenty years ago)

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