Shroedinger's Crush

Obviously, I went for the latter, and was rebuffed, but in the nicest possible way. In retrospect, considering my recent emotional experiences and states, this was actually the healthiest and best option that could have happened.

However, the last time I was in a serious crush, (I'm not counting the C6 obsessions, they were Courtly Love) it really was a Girl Afraid situation. I never asked the boy flat out, for fear of scaring him off. It wasn't until years later, when it was way too late to act on it, that I discovered the crush had been totally mutual, and he chastised me for never telling him.

So you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

I want to say that I've not been troubled by a serious one for a good while now, and it's true, but I feel vaguely as if a terrible jinx would strike if I did. A crushaholic is always recovering, never cured, after all.

(tho i suppose one = not-aholic but poss one- off bender?)

My general crush rule has been to not tell, for fear of rejection and either pity or scorn. In this specific case I didn't tell That Man because 1) we had a working relationship to preserve and 2) he appears to be among the more extremely introverted sorts.

If I were to offer my advice, it would be to approach one's crush-object only stealthily, to see if you're getting any go signals. (That Man wasn't giving any when I tried to make friendly with him.) However, that just my advice, and as such isn't even worth what you've paid for it.

Is that the difference between crush and love? The crush is all about yourself, and wanting yourself to be happy and/or fulfilled, while love is actually about the other person as much as yourself? But by that criteria, I'm not sure this was entirely just a crush, but the point is moot now.

Yeah, I guess crushes are bad and selfish, then. That doesn't stop me having them, as I am an oxytocin addict.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having crushes while in a committed relationship, so long as you don't lose sight of the fact that they are merely crushes, and not to be acted upon. A good flush of oxytocin to the brain can actually stimulate the romantic relationship you are already in. So long as you don't compare your partner unfavourably to the crush, it's good for you. Doesn't matter where you get an appetite, so long as you come home to eat.

My problem is always when I develop crushes on *friends*. Of course then there are LOADS of go signals, but unfortunately they are signals for friendship, not necessarily flirtation.

Maybe flirtatious friendships are even better than crushes yet. You know that there's no intent, yet it's fun and ego-bostering to pretend. Unless there is crush behind it, and that hurts.

Oh, I am analysing too much.

Crushes are great even when you can't do anything about the situation, can't imagine life without them.

One day I plan to go for the route of horrible rejection.

Oh, okay. That seems slightly more frightening.

In an abrupt change of subject, my most recent crush has been on one of those "most extremely introverted" sorts, or shy, or something like that. So he acts normal around me and then goes and says things about me to one of my best friends (e.g. "She's too [ ]. Girls should be more like Maria." "Oh, you want to go to such- and-such-place? Can Maria come?") and we (best friend and I) do not know how to take this at all. I do the exact same thing but that doesn't mean the motivations are the same. And it is true that Mormons are not to supposed date until after their missions? I have heard this from a source of indefinite reliability and do not know whether it is true.

Unattainability (i.e. in the box) is the quality that brought along the crush. So I would let it in the box. Think of swans instead of cats and Grace Kelly in the eponymous film. If the swan is out of the lake, it becomes so graceless than it does not resemble a swan anymore...

the general gist of it is:

you have a sealed box with a cat inside of it. the cat was alive when it was initially placed in the box.

in the box there is a tiny number of radioactive atoms. if one of these atoms decays, the cat dies.

at any subsequent time, the cat may or may not be alive, depending on whether the atom has decayed. each possible state (state 0 = cat is dead, state 1 = cat is alive) has a non-zero probability. there is no way of saying whether the cat is in state 0 or state 1 without opening the box.

when you open the box and determine if the cat is dead or alive, you collapse this uncertainty, and the cat has a definite state. you can now say whether the cat is dead or alive.

originally some people proposed that until you open the box the cat is a linear combination of the dead and alive states, and that opening the box (i.e. measuring the system) kills the cat (since you can not say it is dead or alive before opening the box). this was regarded as making no sense, hence a paradox.

the paradox was resolved by proposing that it is the decay of the atom which "makes the measurement": when the quantum mechanical microscopic atom interacts with the classical macroscopic cat a permanent record is made.

check out the appendix in David Griffths' book "Introduction to Quantum Mechanics".

*running to Amazon*

Especially because I really enjoyed Kate's metaphore in first place.

Which as you know is a quote from 'Iron Man' by Black Sabbath. This is true.

mmm, hamiltonians

j.lu, sometimes those "now or never" moments are the way to go. If you never have to see him again, then what do you risk by confession? But perhaps crushes like that are better left as diversions. Takes your time during the day when they are there, and makes the day more enjoyable to have one, but out of sight out of mind.

Thank you for the advice.

However, this is not the first workplace crush I've had. In my experience the crush quickly decays into bitter resentment, making the day all the more horrid. Also, I'm hoping to still do some freelance work at this place; That Man couldn't veto assignments other people might want to give me but further layers of weirdness won't help matters. (Also, if the budget -- its current dire state is the official reason I'm being let go -- were to improve, TM might be in a position to give me work.)

For the first time in ages I don't have any proper crushes, just 2 girls I kind of like (one of which the only time I've really spoken to her was to discuss how fantastic the lyrics to Boycrush Pusher are (eek, but cos it's my fave song more than anything) while I was waiting for the bus to their gig). I'm liking it.

Especially, thank you, Paul B, for elegant description of Shroedinger's Cat. I know I should be a scientist. I was a scientist until I was about 17. (Not 22, that was Jane, but Chris stole the line.)

Graham and Ned, you make me blush, but it is because Boycrush Pusher is all TRUE, it all really happened, so I am glad that BOYS find it believable, because it means boys really do have the same emotions girls have, and are not weird inexplicable alien beings.

I have thought long and hard about what Tom said about crushes being search for what you believe that you are missing in your own life, and I can't quite make it work. However, I do believe that crushes are all about the subject, and barely about the object at all. It is selfish, but I guess for me it's part of the creative process rather than anything else. The Crush, as such, has served its purpose, and I've got the song out of it (our Xmas song, "(You Could Make An) Angel Sigh") so it all turned out alright in the end.

(BTW, for any people who like Lollies but are not on our mailing list, we are trying to start a CD-burning tree to distribute copies of this song for those who are unable to obtain the compilation it's destined for due to being in the wrong country, so please write if you'd like to participate.)

Right, back to the studio today.

now at this point i would have italicised a quote form di's post about the thrill of the chase. you know, i just can't get on with chasing. i mean that i'm incapable of doing it. as i said, i sort of ambled up to the situation with the last two people i had a thing for. i'm just absolutely petrified!

it is a shame, for me at any rate, i can't comment on the benefits for the human race per se, but i really wish i had a bit more.. well. confidence maybe? i don't know, at the same time i am glad that for the most part i have avoided getting too hurt. well, for a while anyway.

at the moment crushes are things of a strictly passive nature, and after some thought i suppose i concur with the notion that they are purely self serving (or self punishing at times). i don't like the implications, but you've got to open to change haven't you.

it's late and i'm battered, if none of that makes sense. lol.

I say I'm in a horrible situation at the moment but I guess it could be so much worse. I've got together with the girl I really like twice but she had latent fear of committing to going out with someone in her class. Obviously I understand this, I mean seeing each other every day is a big commitment to get into, especially at this early stage of College, but still, it almost sucks as much to have someone for a few hours and feel fantastic and then have a horrible, often drunken comedown where it's like "ha you thought you were happy, how wrong were you". The agonising part is that we both kind of know we shouldn't be going out, and so we keep saying how we're best friends, which we are as cliched as it sounds, but we both know we're too good friends to be just friends, if that makes sense.

I'm coping, and I'm coping amazingly well considering how pissed off I was, say 2 weeks ago, or 3 weeks ago, but the reason I'm coping is because I guess I see it happening somewhere down the line. It's a weird kind of limbo I'm in, and I sometimes wish I'd never met her so I could be living the normal college life. Which I can't do at the moment, everyone is compared to her and fails.

Ok I'll stop now, I don't want to sound unreasonably obsessed or anything, if I haven't crossed that line already. I'm sure you see where I'm coming from.

Yeah, I'm the same. Except you can probably replace 'weeks' with 'years'.

That's how you can tell the difference between a crush and actual unrequited love. A crush will be replaced by the next one. Unrequited love takes years to get over.

But everyone needs a hobby, right? ;)

Some of mine do go on for years too, which surprises me sometimes, but I think those ones are based on a real affection and are usually on a very unique type of person - the kind whose influence you can't just replace. It has been a long while since a serious one tho. Which is fine by me as I can ill afford the distraction right now.

I find it's healthier to keep at least three mini-crushes going simultaneously then have a single major one.