The Hollyoaks Thread!

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because it rules and clearly merits more discussion.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

i think that zara should be beaten with sticks. steph, too, but not quite as viciously.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, Steph should be burned at the stake. But, like I said on the other thread, I find Zara worthwhile purely for comedy value. She is just so quintessentially every overly PC student type ever. Plus, when she fights with Bella, it's fantastic.

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

The last time I saw Hollyoaks some guy's mum had died and he was keeping her decomposing body in her bed because he couldn't come to terms with it or something. See? PROPER soap storyline there.

Can I safely assume that the giant cast-culling soap catastrophe as predicted in Hollyoaks Deaths: Search and Destroy never actually happened?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Bella: Classic or Uber-Classic? She was annoying when she started but now I think she's hillarious.

The last time I saw Hollyoaks some guy's mum and died and he was keeping her decomposing body in her bed because he couldn't come to terms with it or something.

THAT'S BOMBHEAD!!! THAT'S MY SECRET CRUSH OF SHAME!!! ::swoons::

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

that's bombhead, matt. kate has a crush on him.

there was one spectacular death recently. dan got blown up when his racecar EXPLODED on xmas day, right before he was going to propose to debbie.

xpost

bella rules. but when do we learn her deep dark secret?

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm glad that Dan got blown up, he was an idiot anyway, dumping Debbie and going out with the evil Steph. Gah. Good riddance.

Bella's deep dark secret is that her family have sent her off to Chester to get rid of her, and she never really goes on all the fun holidays she talks about, she just mopes about the flat all the time, wearing black and having her birthday forgotten.

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I love Hollyoaks because it doesn't require you to ever watch it to keep up with it, or vice versa. I used to loathe the Zara but now agree with Kate; Lisa, on the other hand, is so wet that I don't think beating with sticks would achieve the desired effect.

I fancy Ben obviously, but Dan is (one of) my crush(es) of shame. Not Bombhead, no, he looks 12.

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

WHAT DAN GOT BLOWN UP OMG I MISSED THAT

:( :(

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Not Bombhead, no, he looks 12.

You know this is the appeal for me... ;-)

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

yes I have gathered this by now! did you fancy Gareth Gates as well?

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

God, no, I only fancy 12 year olds if they're blond.

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:34 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, dan is totally dead and his family is in a shambles. debbie is now off working as a singer on ferries.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

AARON CARTER!

(xpost)

that is so Debbie's right and proper fate. a silver lining.

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

and what of new girl in school, paula? she's obviously a liar and a troublemaker and all-around bad apple. how long will it take for candy to realize this?

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

who was the token gay in hollyoaks? He was bloody annoying.

God, I don't know who either of the new girls are. Is Chloe still a heifer?

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Paula!!! But she was at the same Troubled Teen camp that reformed Justin! Except clearly it didn't work on Paula because she's still up to her old tricks. Or maybe she's pining for Bad Boy Justin.

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i think she's pining for him, yes, but making mischief in the meantime. candy and nicole are thick as pigshit, though, so i'm not sure how she's going to get found out unless justin rats on her for making up stories about her past.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

is it wrong to fancy candy's cute mate? she must be at least 21 in real life.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

THAT'S BOMBHEAD!!! THAT'S MY SECRET CRUSH OF SHAME!!! ::swoons::

He's actually quite an attractive boy. Boy, notably, but there's nothing wrong in that. I'd be willing to spare him some time.

I'm sure there's someone I really fancy in this series (apart from Ben, obv.) but I can't remember who it is. Let's face it, any of them would do.

― hobart paving (hobart paving), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

is it the new, evil short-haired one or the long-haired one, ronan? it's wrong in both cases, you kiddie fiddler, but i'm curious.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Why were all the girls inexplicably attracted to Darren? I mean really.

I watch this sometimes, but when you've already seen them and you wake up on Sunday morning and this is on for like TEN HOURS I feel like gouging out my own eyeballs and playing ping pong with them. While on fire.

Luckily, I have resisted.

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

sp: bomb'ead.

― cozen (Cozen), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

paula & bella are awesome.

― cozen (Cozen), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

dreadful

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I like how if you see one of the male cast wearing a t-shirt you like you can go into TopMan the next day and just buy it.
Never done it myself yet, but it's nice to know I could should I desire to.

― David Merryweather (DavidM), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

lauren: the long haired posh one!

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Bella is so close to Dani in character that you can forgive me for being confused.

Hollyoaks is fast becoming the Brit Home and Away with its tendency to concentrate on the youngest members of the cast and have so many storylines centred on the school. All we need is a caravan park and the Aussie TV co. can start legal proceedings.

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

the long haired posh one!

― Mooro (Mooro), Thursday, 20 January 2005 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't care if he's cute HE WAS KEEPING HIS MOTHER'S DECOMPOSING CORPSE UPSTAIRS IN HIS HOUSE!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 January 2005 09:31 (twenty-one years ago)

that's not a very good picture Mooro!

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

it's exam time for me, very stressful, poor decisions may be made.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Who is the dark-haired posh uber-bitch girl who can't act? I like her. That said the quality of Hollyoaks ladies has gone downhill a bit recently. Perhaps they got bored of only casting women who look exactly the same as one another.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 January 2005 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

she is a real Matt DC girl

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah Hollyoaks. I can only watch it when hungover.

I have met some of the cast, they were surprisingly nice.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 20 January 2005 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I watch Hollyoaks religiously, but I simultaneously hate it. Not so much the actors or characters, but the WRITERS. The way they attempt to pastiche obvious points in popular culture is just so fucking horrible and yet watchable for this fact.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 10:39 (twenty-one years ago)

One of the last episodes of Neighbours I ever watched had would-be DJs Tad and Paul talking about Mogwai. I had to turn over it was so cringeworthy, and I even sat through the infamous Hannah Martin "puberty blues" episode.

A friend of mine used to live next door to a girl who was in Hollyoaks a year or so ago. He claims when they were small children they used to run naked through sprinklers together. Until she told him they couldn't do that any more. I must find out what her name was.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 January 2005 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

He claims when they were small children they used to run naked through sprinklers together. Until she told him they couldn't do that any more. I must find out what her name was.

Haha I have a mate in Sydney who says pretty much exactly the same thing about one of the Home & Away girls, who I coincidentally had something of a soft spot for around the time I met him. What was her name..? Got it:

http://homeandaway.com.au/images/meetthecast/brodie_128.jpg

Susie Rugg. He always said he'd introduce us, but she was always "away" - never "home". DO YOU SEE?

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I know the guy who played the original Max in Hollyoaks, years ago. He's at Exeter doing a film MA.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Who remembers the anal-rape incident? Fucking awesome. Hollyoaks was great when I was at uni.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, Hollyoaks: FEWER HORRIBLE IRRITATING BLONDES PLEASE! God, do they do it on purpose? Can't *anyone* look, y'know, normal? Bring back the Christian GOFFS, I say.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, the Hollyoaks girls are famously interchangeable (as are the boys), but still, Lisa and Zara?... Yeah!

― David Merryweather (DavidM), Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Hollyoaks is a concept by which we measure our pain

― Frogman Henry, Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Is Lisa the one who used to self-harm? She's the only genuinely attractive one. is Zara the ugly one with the foul-mouth? She's minging.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 20 January 2005 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't *anyone* look, y'know, normal?

See, this is why I don't watch EastEnders.

If I wanted to see 'normal' looking people on my TV I would turn it off and lok at my FUCKING REFLECTION.
No, keep the blandly attractive, blonde young things coming, H'Oaks. Introduce a mad scientist filling Cheshire with his Stepford Wives-style clones subplot or something. Anything.

― David Merryweather (DavidM), Thursday, 20 January 2005 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Is Becca still in it? She was my favourite.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 January 2005 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

One of the last episodes of Neighbours I ever watched had would-be DJs Tad and Paul talking about Mogwai

Yes, but.....

TAD and PAUL....

now do you see it??

― hobart paving (hobart paving), Thursday, 20 January 2005 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, I missed it last night because I was down the pub. I'm upset about this, now I will have to stay in on Sunday to catch up.

Becca's boyfriend is currently having an affair with Lisa (the self harm girl? possibly?). And Tony has left Mandy! oh no! I really like Tony, he's just such an amusing indie bastard, he hates Christmas and everything. I hope they don't write him out of the story permanently. :-( In fact they should bring back his mum, as well. And Finn. ::drools:: Finn was well hott, liked older women, and it's not like the actor is having a career post-Hollyoaks. Humph.

I don't care if he's cute HE WAS KEEPING HIS MOTHER'S DECOMPOSING CORPSE UPSTAIRS IN HIS HOUSE!

He sets off my psychomagnet, as well as being cute! He's a total nutjob! Of course I fancy him!

Yeah, I remember the anal rape incident. That was when I first started watching it. Charlie No. Four got me hooked on it, curse him.

And although this new spate of non-blonde girls is worrying, I like the non-blondes they've brought in. Paula and Bella are both massive improvements on the Stepford Villagers.

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Thursday, 20 January 2005 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

(And don't EVER tell The Spy this, but I reckon Bombhead actually looks a bit like him.)

ihttp://www.hollyoaks.com/backstage/cast.asp?id=9#content

See? Dead hott!

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Thursday, 20 January 2005 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

That's not the best picture, is it?

― hobart paving (hobart paving), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

No, but it's better than the other one they had on there.

But he is lying down. Hunh hunh hunh.

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

He looks even younger in this photo:

http://www.hollyoakstribute.cwc.net/images/Bombhead.jpg

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

And oh dear, look what Bombhead is poster child for on Channel Four:

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/H/hollyoaks_teenagers/

His hair has got a lot better since then, but you can see what an adorable smile he has:

http://www.channel4.com/media/health/H/hollyoaks_teenageboys/bombhead_196x260_15july.jpg

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I remember the anal rape incident. That was when I first started watching it. Charlie No. Four got me hooked on it, curse him.

There is not necessarily any connection between these statements...

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you remember the other late night one when Lewis fucked, um, Ruth?- under the viaduct or something, and you could see his white arse pumping into her like a ferret attacking an orange? Or the footballing gangbang! Jesus, who wrote these fucking specials?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, but Neighbours is like a popculture haven! Did anybody see the Ghost World storyline? I'm not even kidding.

There's a lesbian storyline going on right now, and the hyperactive kid with the weird name (I forget, it's Stingray or something) dressed up like a camp superhero and said "Up, up and I'm a gay!" to annoy all the homophobes at school. I have to love that.

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Thursday, 20 January 2005 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember watching very early episode (1995 or so) which had some truly immortal, hitting-youth-culture-bang-on-the-pulse dialogue, in the form of one character saying to another: "Have you heard the new Bon Jovi single? It's well wicked."

Do they still drop comedy bombs like that these days?

― M Carty (mj_c), Thursday, 20 January 2005 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I think every episode is a comedy bomb. I actually think Neighbours might secretly be one of the most overlooked comedies ever.

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Thursday, 20 January 2005 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

There are loads of threads on Neighbours - my favourite for pure comedy gold is TS: Home and Away v Neighbours

Cursed rocks! Horny housewives dressing up as schoolgirls! Dads on mushrooms! Dogs dreaming!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 January 2005 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the way Neighbours reincarnates the same characters over and over.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, wait, wait, wait. I have an amendment to make. Previously I implied that Lisa and Zara are a bit easy on the eye.
Erm , FUCKING ZARA? No no, Nicole! Obviously I meant Nicole! For pity's sake, I meant Nicole. Oh my good gawd.
Anyway, that Jake: he's got both Lisa and Becca on the go (Becca's alright, she can be a bit simpering but... lovely breasts) and three Layzee Boy chairs, all this despite a hideous growth on his top lip. Spawny get!

― David Merryweather (DavidM), Thursday, 20 January 2005 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicole is hot.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldnt mind being jake! them two girls are hottest in Hollyoaks easy.

― Dazza, Sunday, 23 January 2005 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Becca is lovely, but I don't share the Lisa love.

anyway, what happened to the Scottish girl, Jack the landlord's niece? I miss her.

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 23 January 2005 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

OB was in the club last night, looking reet pissed off due to not getting served quick enough at the bar.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Sunday, 23 January 2005 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Another "you thought that was Mel but it was really Sophie" storyline tonite! Twins, eh? The saviours of lazy scriptwriters everwhere!

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 24 January 2005 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

OHMIGOD, BELLA'S SECRET, OH MY GOD!!!

She's not from Islington, she's a Scally chav whose mum can't spell!

― Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

steph making fun of bella's chav background last night was hilarious, considering that she spends most of her time in pastel velour tracksuits and has a mother who wears bra tops and pleather lace-up hiphuggers.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 11:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Poor Bella, she's from Carlisle - ouch!

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow. Bella's secret, not to say au courant ("chav"!), shame, and the twins crazy mix-up storyline: both completely preposterous. I love it.

― David Merryweather (DavidM), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

it all led me to think - is opening other ppl's mail illegal?

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

She's not from Islington, she's a Scally chav whose mum can't spell!

This + brunette hair + fake snobbery + (tech) wardrobe full of black clothes = I may be in lust.

― Captain GRRRios' Giggletits (Barima), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Love triangle between Jake, Becca and Lisa "comes to explosive head on Valentine's Day". Now I really envy Jake

― Captain GRRRios' Giggletits (Barima), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

coo. i think someone just got killeded.

― stevie (stevie), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Was he actually killed? Come on, it's too soon for another death. Now that Darlene is all better and having plastic surgery, they need someone else in dire medical straits for the hospital aaaaannnnngst!!!

― The Phantom of the Operating System (kate), Thursday, 27 January 2005 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)

what happended? Who was nearly killed?

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 27 January 2005 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know his name. He's not one of the characters I pay attention to.

― The Phantom of the Operating System (kate), Thursday, 27 January 2005 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

it was muscleman stuart's flatmate. he's pretty banged up, but not dead.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 27 January 2005 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Mugged I think is the word. He's annoying but I'm not sure he deserved that. He's kinda Student Everybloke.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

Oh. My. God. Can I just say SEMI-NUDE BOMBHEAD IN COMPROMISING METROSEXUAL MOMENT WITH HIS ANNOYING HOUSEMATE?!?!? thank you, god.

I'm glad that some of my freakish sexual fantasies are coming true, at least on the telly.

― Kate Kept Me Alive! (kate), Thursday, 17 February 2005 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

One problem with Hollyoaks is that too many of the characters look like other characters when they're not related. Like Lee (Metrosexual Moment Man above) and O.B., for example. Or Cameron and Craig.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 17 February 2005 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

it means you have to be on the ball when you watch it. It's taxing, I'm telling ya.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 17 February 2005 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

Why is late night Hollyoaks so often disappointing? I'm sure they've done the having outside thing before, with the same dude as well!

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, I magically sensored myself. I should qualify my remarks, but I won't. I just mean the show always has the same story, someone in peril, someone is horny. Not like that series where Lewis died, that was straight-up classic.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, it was a bit disappointing. Like, they had the post-watershed time slot and they did what with it? I saw half a breast. Whatever. But haha, yet another "Lee and Bombhead in compromising homosexual situation" bit. Why don't they just have them come out already?

Oh, and FINALLY Ben and Lisa got it on. Like, why did that take them so long, and already they've f*cked it up? PUH-lease. At least this means there will be no more Louise. Gah.

And is Justin about to go postal on the grange hill gang? Ooh, I hope so.

― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

two years pass...

Hollyoaks has changed a lot in the past few months and so is deserving a thread revival.

what do ppl think of the new title sequence and the fact that the male and female symbols now feature in the logo?

What about Craig and John Paul eh?

― Grandpont Genie, Friday, 14 September 2007 15:15 (eighteen years ago)

The newish title sequence makes me want to kill myself.
Russ punching the air in the title sequence makes me want to kill myself.
Hannah's eating disorder makes me want to kill myself.

I still want to get a part on the show, but if they made me make out with Gilly I think I'd kill myself.

― marianna lcl, Friday, 14 September 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

twelve years pass...

Every day I catch the last few minutes of Hollyoaks while waiting for C4 News and wonder who watches it. It looks like it's aimed at teens, but srsly? so who?

― fetter, Saturday, 4 January 2020 23:56 (six years ago)

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