Amelie to help solve the Da Vinci Code

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Alba puzzled, Leon laughs evilly

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

This will be the most hater-fuelling film in ILE history.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, Dan Brown, Audrey Tatou = the four horsepeople of the cinematic apocalypse.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

But what's wrong with Audrey Tatou?

― Pangolino again, Monday, 24 January 2005 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Such a few Amelie threads and you'll find out.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I CALLED THIS, FUCKNUTS!

It's on it's knees begging & pleading to be made into a film starring Ralph Fiennes and Audrey Tautou.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), February 23rd, 2004 9:20 AM. (nickalicious)

I AM ALL THAT IS MAN!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, why couldn't it have been Ralph Fiennes (okay, cuz he's British, yeah) or like GARY FUCKING OLDMAN and anybody but fucking FORREST GUMP.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, credit to Nickalicious there! I suspect the Hanks/Howard thing is a package deal.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Good work, Nicka! On the prediction that is!

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Amelie rocks. Audrey Tatou rocks. Case closed and anti-threads be damned.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Lock thread

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Tautou should cash in. She can actually act and as a foreign actress, her chance at Hollywood money is lower than with many 'English-speaking' mere bosoms-on-legs. As for RH (whom I once met and who is a nice man) and TH, they'll make a movie as mediocre as the book.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I read _Digital Fortress_ and it sucked ass.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

And how...

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Just once I'd like to hear Ron Howard launch into a drunken out-of-control frenzy of swears.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG, wait until Allyzay finds out about the Amelie chick!!!

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, excuse my bitter pedentry here, folks, but Audrey's last name does not rhyme with tattoo. It sounds like 'tow two'.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought Hanks was stuck on a desert island somewhere...

― andy --, Monday, 24 January 2005 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom... Hanks...?

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

pedentry = pedantry without the caffeine.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Oops - sorry - I'd spelled her name wrong.

― Pangolino again, Monday, 24 January 2005 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I read _Digital Fortress_ and it sucked ass.

Yes it really did. Full disclosure, I read on the subway. I refuse to the read most new fiction (everything but Neal Stephenson and a few other authors) until they put out a paperback version. They will never release a paperback version of the Da Vinci Code, since after reading it, people apparently are possessed with the perverse urge to rebuy the hardcover version every month or so (Must...give...Dan...Brown...more...money). Ergo, I might well see the movie before I ever read the book. I read the other two Brown novels to see what the fuss is about. They're just airport books, glorified movie screenplays with a bit of technilingo and mythology laid over top. I truly do not get what the big deal is.

I think Audrey Tatou is pretty, but I am apparently the only person who thinks the Amelie character is a dangerously unbalanced stalker who should be hospitalized.

― Ash (ashbyman), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

ILX is really far gone if there's really so much hate for Audrey Tatou.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I hated _Digital Fortress_ so much I advised the coworker who loaned it to me that he should sue Dan Brown for the price of the paperback plus $100K for mental anguish. Sometimes it's not a big deal if a "plot twist" is signposted early but FOR FUCK'S SAKE I KNEW HOW IT WOULD END BY CHAPTER TEN.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

These days everything is stalking. Common mischief is stalking. Magical realist film characters are stalking.

I read a review about a film, I forgot the title where two women are wooed in the exact same way and one decides the guy is a stalker and the other one thinks it's charming and they get together. He does things like send flowers and put a note under her door.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Was the note written on the body of a kitten?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! no.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

HOLLYWOOD MYTHS:

1) Tom Cruise is an actor. He's not. He's an ego.

2) Tom Hanks is an 'everyman.' He's not. He's a schlub.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

ILX is really far gone if there's really so much hate for Audrey Tatou.

OTM!!!!!

Next up: ILXers be startin' up some kinda crazy cult of Franka Potante hate.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Look in my eyes
What do you see?
The cult of Franka Potante

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU ARE MY HERO DANG.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a fair point I suppose. I was being flip and I'd be interested in the name of the film you refer to Orbit, but I stick to my original sentiment. When watching Amelie for the first time, (again, I really did enjoy the movie and found it and Ms. Tatou very sweet) I found myself thinking that if I was the object of her affection and was led on merry chases with chalk arrows and the like only to come to her shop and confront her and have her act like she had no idea who I was, I would look incredulously at her, leave, and if she ever again tried to contact me, contact the authorities. One can never be too careful.

― Ash (ashbyman), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Franka = haaawwwwtttt. Run Lola run right to me perleaze!!

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 24 January 2005 21:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Like Eliza Dushku
And Remini
I am the cult of Franka Potante

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"Oh Dan, where art thou?"

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/sony_pictures_classics/run_lola_run/franka_potente/lola4.jpg

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 24 January 2005 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Neon hair
savoir fair
When our Franka runs, all stop and stare

― Ash (ashbyman), Monday, 24 January 2005 22:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Next up: ILXers be startin' up some kinda crazy cult of Franka Potante hate.

Q: What's worse than a regular hippie?

A: A grotesque German night-hag hippie.

― adam (adam), Monday, 24 January 2005 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Has Tautou been in anything un-twee aside from Dirty Pretty Things (where she was overshadowed by every single member of the cast including the extras)?

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i thought she was pretty good in that

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:11 (twenty-one years ago)

It's spelt Potente, damn you all.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

They caint spell Potente nor Tautou cuz them's furrin names.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

my love for FRANKA is POTENTE.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:03 (twenty-one years ago)

surely you mean farren, idjit.
x-post

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

My paints are on far.

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I caint afoward a fowar dowar Foward.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

M R Ducks
M R Knot
S A R
C M Feathers
L I B
MR Ducks

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

or something like that

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:10 (twenty-one years ago)

LIB, gave me pause but I reckon I sussed it out.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

My seventh grade English teacher put that on the board as "Clinton's Arkansas Literacy Test".

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

keep it up and we can have the new finnegan's wake!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 164 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Actually, at one point I remember reading someone was planning to film Preacher, with Ben Affleck as the lead... I wonder how the Catholic church would've reacted to that?

Presumably they'd say "Wow, they hate 'Preacher' even more than we do!"

― Dan (BEN AFFLECK??????) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

wouldn't they ignore it? I think the hoopla about this book & stuff like Harry Potter is b/c both are books that non-readers actually read, thus they seem to pass some sorta threshold in pop ubiquity...

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

more like pope ubiquity, amirite?

― Brian Furry (noodle vague), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:11 (twenty years ago)

Well, consídering that Preacher ends with (SPOILERS!!!!) someone shooting God to death because he's a self-righteous bastard, that might raise some eyebrows...

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:12 (twenty years ago)

pope is all around you

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:13 (twenty years ago)

Do people really hate Preacher? I thought it was uneven, and the machismo and homophobia was too much at times, but it had some great moments too.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:14 (twenty years ago)

Didn't the Catholic Church get pissed off at Dogma too?

-- JW (jo...), May 22nd, 2006.

i dunno about the Church itself, but the Catholic League made a huge stink about it

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

http://beancounters.blogs.com/daydreams/george_carlin_dogma.jpg

― JW (ex machina), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:22 (twenty years ago)

Umberto Eco is pretty good on those subjects, Fluffy, if you haven't read any of his work yet.

Foucault's Pendulum, y'all.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

It's funny how the Dogma thread wasn't a diatribe on religious conservatives, though. Guess things are different after 9/11. NEVER FORGET, BUDDY CHRIST.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

I think the Catholic reaction to the book & film rather glosses over the difference between HERESY and APOSTASY.

These guys don't know the different, homey...

http://www.eleves.ens.fr/home/tourniai/kra/ratzinger-palpatine.jpg

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

It's funny how the Dogma thread wasn't a diatribe on religious conservatives, though

except w/ the dogma thread, more folks had actually seen the thing, and were ripping more into it and KS(a much bigger/more ripe target) in general, as opposed to just the reaction to it.

here, most of us haven't/ain't gunna see the flick, but hilariously reactionary op-eds can be enjoyed by all.

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:31 (twenty years ago)

here, most of us haven't/ain't gunna see the flick

until the WORLD TELEVISION PREMIERE!

watch for thread revivals

― JW (ex machina), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

oh horseshit. free broadcast is nothing. the torrent is out there now, are you actually going to watch it? (and no, being high while doing so doesn't count)

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:34 (twenty years ago)

OK you're just pissing me off at this point.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:37 (twenty years ago)

well, yeah, i gathered as much

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:38 (twenty years ago)

the torrent is out there now

This is why the other ILXors think you're weird.

WHY DOESN'T BEING HIGH COUNT

― JW (ex machina), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:39 (twenty years ago)

Being high or drunk TOTALLY counts and probably makes the movie better. I don't "torrent" movies, especially not ones I don't particularly care about for fuck's sake. But if it's a Sunday afternoon and it came on TV and it's not football season, I'd watch it and laugh my ass off at it, yes. Hell I might even Netflix it for that very purpose. It's just not exactly "priority." That's X3.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:40 (twenty years ago)

well okay then

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:41 (twenty years ago)

I watched Commando this weekend

― JW (ex machina), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

In a double bill with Raw Deal, I hope.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:47 (twenty years ago)

Funny thing about the right's claims of anti-Christian persecution here is that a lot of the DVC's attacks on Catholicism--it's corrupt! it's full of spooky secrets and s&m cults!--are the standard accusations that have been made most loudly and publicly by protestants, not non-Christians.

Up until the fundamentalist rapprochment of the past couple decades, this kind of rhetoric would've just been another chapter in ye olde Christian-on-Christian pissing match, not an outside assault by secular Hollywood types and Zoroastrians or something.

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:49 (twenty years ago)

Damn, the thread's already moved on to action movies.

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:49 (twenty years ago)

the era when the Arnold quip came into its own

xpost

yeah, that's what i was talking about

― kingfish doesn't live here anymore (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

Preacher is excellent. (I think Dan was implying that casting Ben Affleck in Preacher was the equivalent of hating it.) Haven't read Foucault's Pendulum yet. Any others?

Allyzay, if you're wondering why so many threads get hijacked by anti-conservative rhetoric, look no further:

Republican victories have punctured the cultural left’s sense of the historical inevitability of their triumph, and that is at the root of their rage.

I can't speak for the others, but my sense of inevitable triumph has been punctured.

Also, I plan on being high when I watch this movie.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

The Jesus-is-mortal thing still would've pissed off conservative protestants, though they'd probably be even more bothered by the suggestion that Big Josh had sex.

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:54 (twenty years ago)

I'd definitely recommend Flicker. It has a similar type "searching for clues and solving riddles to uncover something big" type of structure, but it's much more innovative and better written. Though probably have to be a movie enthusiast to get the most out of it, because the clues all relate to (old) films.

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:56 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah, and From Hell (the comic) deals with similar types of conspiracy stuff, but in that one it's the good ol' Freemasons.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 22 May 2006 20:58 (twenty years ago)

Is there an Allen Moore thread?

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:03 (twenty years ago)

I liked the From Hell movie but that's because of a game of inebriants we played....

― JW (ex machina), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:05 (twenty years ago)

I think I'm going to skip this one and watch Brotherhood Of The Wolf again... If I want to see a Catholic Conspiracy movie, it better have random martial arts ass-kicking, a ridiculous monster, and Monica Bellucci.

― LOL Thomas (Chris Barrus), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:15 (twenty years ago)

BEING HIGH COUNTS. [full disclosure: I was on 1.5g shr00ms when I saw this yesterday; I exerted such effort not to bust out laughing many, many times.]

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:19 (twenty years ago)

Oh, the Corto Maltese comics are also ripe with these sort of themes: religious mysteries, shadowy sects, hidden truths behind symbols, architecture, art, etc. Fable of Venice is a particularly good read in this regard.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:24 (twenty years ago)

Fluffy Bear,

There are probably dozens of Alan Moore threads in I Love Comics.

― Keywords: revenge, knife, granddaughter, demonic-possession, rock-star, eel (Aus, Monday, 22 May 2006 21:50 (twenty years ago)

OK, this really wasn't that bad. Better than National Treasure (no Nic Cage! less cheesy action! Ian McKellen camping it up!), solidly entertaining, and it didn't really get boring until the Big Reveal (that everyone with three working brain cells knew from the start).

Maybe I just liked the scene where Sir Ian drops science on the foundations of modern Christianity too much. Knew it all, still enjoyable.

Sure, it copped out at the end, and basically was afraid of actually offending any Catholics ('the bad guys aren't really Catholic, they're just USING Catholicism...'), and the very end section with Tom Hanks was a laugh... okay, it wasn't very good. But worth $5.

― milo z (mlp), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:58 (twenty years ago)

Weren't the Priory of Scion folks (what with their masks and freaky pagan voyeur coitus) just the bad guys from Eyes Wide Shut?

― milo z (mlp), Monday, 22 May 2006 21:59 (twenty years ago)

haha there's a reference to that in the book actually

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 22 May 2006 22:00 (twenty years ago)

milo, elmo, others,

Da Vinci Code: H or S (High or Sober)?

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 22 May 2006 23:07 (twenty years ago)

Foucault's Pendulum, y'all.

i think that book should be given way free with every copy of TDC sold

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 22 May 2006 23:29 (twenty years ago)

whoa i did not mean to italicise my whole sentence there

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 22 May 2006 23:30 (twenty years ago)

anyway what this movie really needed was a 10 minute flashback sex scene between JC and MM

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 22 May 2006 23:34 (twenty years ago)

complete w/cumshot

JC ON Ts

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 22 May 2006 23:39 (twenty years ago)

Weed would not improve your experience at all, it just isn't weird enough. You'd get bored and distracted.

Drink communion wine every time the pagan symbol for vadge is highlighted, maybe.

― milo z (mlp), Monday, 22 May 2006 23:55 (twenty years ago)

Fluffy: I don't think I could have withstood this movie sober. I wouldn't get drunk, though -- I'd just fall asleep. A bong rip and half a bottle of robitussin might improve the movie, though.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Tuesday, 23 May 2006 00:40 (twenty years ago)

Bloke in work swears there's a bit with a man with a French accent saying "Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once."

Is the Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies in the Louvre?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 23 May 2006 14:44 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/3123917/Opus-Dei-cartoon-and-TV-series-to-boost-image.html

― Kramkoob (Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃), Monday, 6 October 2008 12:57 (seventeen years ago)

what kind of shape would this cartoon take?

― Brosef Stalin (latebloomer), Monday, 6 October 2008 22:05 (seventeen years ago)

Now we know why Berkeley Breathed retired again.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 6 October 2008 22:08 (seventeen years ago)

This was one of those movies that was the biggest thing in the world for like two weeks, and then was never spoken of again.

― The Wild Shirtless Lyrics of Mark Farner (C. Grisso/McCain), Monday, 6 October 2008 23:02 (seventeen years ago)

― original dixieland jaas band (Curt1s Stephens), Monday, 6 October 2008 23:04 (seventeen years ago)

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