Could somebody ring up the staffing services? I want a sexetary!

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Seriously, I need one to come in here and chortle about puns involving "taking dictation" with me.

Also, some doughnuts. Lemon jelly-filled, please.

Right then. Get a move on. Chop Chop.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~mq6s-tgsk/ewan/pic/0301.jpg

― Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm sorry, ma'am, but that simply won't do. the red would clash horribly with the wallpaper in here.

*insert one credit to try again.*

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!" bemoaned Rich to Ernie. "That girl is a real mirage."

"Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage is something you can see but can't feel."

"Yeah," came the reply. "That describes her exactly!"

― bprofane (AaronHz), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious
techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is
beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a
robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how
she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation.
If you squeeze her right
tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have
sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even
borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there
with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming
"Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh!
Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a
pencil sharpener!"

― bprofane (AaronHz), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 08:42 (twenty-one years ago)

playboy pays good money for these!

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 08:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Still need someone to attend to my staff needs!

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

ihttp://www.mtv.com/onair/vma/timecapsule/images/thm_pick_year_01.jpg

"Sexetary - not included."

― Captain GRRRios' Giggletits (Barima), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Kingfish, sounds like you need something called a "whore".

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

*ahem* 'Sex Professional', Spencer.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Am I the only one who thinks lemon filled jelly donuts sound revolting?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, they aren't called secretaries anymore - you'll need to ask for an ASS-istant.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

No. Better with cumquats.

x-post

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

what, should they be referred to as "those ones pumped full of creme"?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

also, most whores can't type worth a DAMN, despite the stories we've all been told since children

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

There should be escort services with ladies who are dually skilled in both the intercoursular AND clerical arts.

what an xpost

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Now that's what I call multitasking!

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

ihttp://www.geocities.com/movieartz16/Secretary.jpg

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 27 January 2005 03:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm currently going through the mental motions trying to figure out if, were I an executive type, I would hire a secretary who is essentially an semi-exclusive prostitute.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:34 (twenty-one years ago)

that depends. how saucy do you want your memoirs?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 27 January 2005 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i would

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 27 January 2005 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.