Collegehumor.com

It seems very generic. I actually found out about it because two dickheads from my high school took a picture of the time they put their testacles on a drunk girls forehead and sent it to collegehumor.com; and it got on! They were internet celebrities! They're in our fucking gene pool.

Anyway, it is a bit odd that girls will so willingly take their tops off for this silly site, doesn't seem to be a shortage of them. Maybe it's a post-post-feminism thing or some shit. There doesn't seem to be any critical thinking about anything on this site, though, seems like senseless potty humor and the like.

haha i have that pic on my hd somewhere! it is pretty funny.

"How To Be Funny
Update by Amir on Jan. 25th, 2005 | link to this post

A lot of people assume that being funny is something terribly abstract; a notion so inexplicably existential that it cannot be tackled with words, but rather with a lifetime of pedagogy, and quasi-filmic experience. Okay great. Listen you guys, I was just trying to lose those idiots who see big words and stop reading. If you’re still reading then I know you’re fucking smart enough to understand what comedy is all about. Keep going. Okay great. I weeded out smarter people who think it isn't intelligent to use the “f-word” in an academic article. Now that I have no idiots or non-intellectual goons I can continue educating.

Tip #1 - Be Original: That means if your friendster profile says “In Five Years I will Be… FIVE YEARS OLDER!” then delete that. If the name on your birth certificate ends with Jr. then delete that too. If hair color is brown, shave it, if you’re six feet four, grow an inch, and if you weigh 160, lose a few pounds. Talk loudly but say few words. And always, always carry your money in a roll (and yes, I mean a roll of bread, you fucking rookie.)

Tip #2 – Random isn’t funny unless it's funny: A flying walrus jumps on a frog and the cow says MOO!!! That sentence wasn’t funny because it was not rooted in any sort of reality. Why do you think I hate Adult Swim cartoons? Why do you think you should too? Because a talking fries and cola isn’t funny, and a cow and chicken combined at the torso isn’t funny and the fact that my ex-fiancee’s new husband now runs the damn network and she calls me every day reminding me how much better off she is running off the day before our fucking wedding day…isn’t funny. King of the Hill is boring.

Tip #3 – Know when to stop: Sometimes unfunny people make a good joke, but that fills them with confidence. And not the good type of confidence (type 1) but the bad kind (type 2). Type 2 confidence attacks your neurosensors and gives you the self-esteem necessary to make a series of unfunny, unoriginal, pointlessly random jokes after a rare gem. If you get a good laugh, best keep silent for the rest of the night. Then people will think you’re funny but quiet, like James Dean. If you make a lot of crappy jokes people will just think you’re unfunny and loud, like James Dean after he died.

Tip #4 – Fake it. : Some people can’t be funny, but the least you can do is pretend. Here’s a quick crash course:

You hate “Everybody loves Raymond”, and thought “Anchorman” and “Napoleon Dynamite” were overrated pieces of shit movies. Your favorite TV shows are “Seinfeld”, “Family Guy” and “Mr. Show.” Your favorite book is MAD magazine, the funniest movie you’ve ever seen was Wet Hot American Summer, and your favorite MAD magazine is actually “Odysseus” by James Joyce. You make Tsunami jokes because they’re insanely recent and OJ jokes because they’re hilariously old, but never joke about AIDS and 9/11 because those jokes, while hilarious, are only for shock value. Also, no more jokes about “crack.” Choose a new funny drug like “Maximum strength Bayer.” Use the word “fag” only when it is random and obviously not derogatory. Calling your friend “gay” is not funny unless she’s a girl, then its only kind of funny. If anybody asks you what the funniest joke in this article was, tell them it was the one about keeping your money in a roll of bread. Are you writing this down? Good, don’t, it can be easily copied and pasted.

Tip #5 – Brevity is the soul of wit: Most people didn’t read tip five because its way long. I don’t blame them. Be short, rewort.

Tip #6 – It's not true that only guys can be funny. Girls can be funny too, they just choose to be pregnant sometimes instead.

Tip #7 – Only guys can be horribly unfunny.

Tip #8– Don’t listen to naysayers: Much like artists, comedians are also unappreciated in their own time. The nature of comedy is that the dumbest jokes appeal to the most people. As I write this I know some people reading will hate this article and some people will love it. How can that be? They are reading the same exact words!

I’m sorry for alienating anybody over the course of this article, I try to be as modest as possible when writing anything humorous. As Dane Cook once said “Richard Pryor once said, “if people like you, they’ll laugh at your jokes” and I try to live by the same idea” and I try to live by the same idea. And you can quote me on that. "

Wow. This is like reading a bad issue of the Harvard Lampoon.

MURDA MURDA

fuck, one of them writes for the newspaper and is NOT FUNNY there either!!!

Second-semester seniors react to decision
By Neil Janowitz
Published: Thursday, January 20, 2005
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In a move that is sure to be greeted with shock and alcohol-induced inactivity by those students most closely affected, the administration recently announced that they are canceling the second semester for all graduating seniors. The decision comes after a month-long review of past second-semester academic and hospital records revealed a startling trend.

"As much as we'd like to continue with the tradition of second semester for outgoing seniors, our study has shown that absolutely nothing enriching or otherwise productive is accomplished during that time period by those students," explained one anonymous administrator from behind the recently-fortified door of his office. "That's why, effective immediately, graduation will take place over the second weekend in February."

Perhaps coincidentally, the registrar's office reports that Take Five application submissions jumped from 72 to almost 1,100 in the days following the announcement.

The cancellation marks the end of a collegiate experience that ranks among the most eagerly-anticipated by students. By combining the completion of academic obligations with a crippling fear of impending real-world responsibilities, the second semester of senior year has historically provided outgoing seniors with a safe haven in which they can completely "switch off."

School-sponsored Senior Nights, a perennial favorite among second-semester enthusiasts, have long been touted as the perfect opportunity to reminisce with old friends and to meet classmates that had gone...unmet, all while trying to hook up with as many people as possible.

"Around here, students don't start papers until the day they're due," complained tall senior Seth Hauben. "I thought I'd have four months to hook up with all the babes that I've been ogling for the past three and a half years. Now it's more like two weeks." He last had his massive wingspan wrapped around the shoulders of five striking co-eds.

Though the social elements of the second semester will be most notably missed, a fair share of seniors' complaints regarded the inability to spend their final semester in college taking those classes that, while perhaps purely elective, had fascinated the scholars from the onset of their undergraduate careers. Continued...

Officers were called to SBA on Jan. 23 at 3:15 a.m. to investigate the report of an individual passing out in the kitchen with his face lying in a pool of vomit.

Officers located the individual, and although initially non-responsive, the person was able to be roused by officers, according to UR Security.

The individual, who was identified as an undergraduate, then began eating his vomit and became verbally abusive, according to Mauldin.

An ambulance was summoned, and upon realizing this, the student became irrational and combative, according to UR Security.

The student was then transported to Strong Memorial Hospital for evaluation and treatment for intoxication, according to UR Security.