How I Took Down and The Donut Barbarian and An Unlikely Ally Took Down the Hannitizer

I just witnessed the oddest turn of events on my latest run. I was hired to fix a problem in Midtown West. The exact location will remain a secret.

My client wanted me to annihilate a devious creature. It lurked on the 8th floor of a not so prominent building. Oh great, what do I look like -- a roach exterminator? Normally, such a task is beneath me, but I owed a favor to an old friend. He used to be my partner back in Osaka. We cut teeth battling the Yozuka syndicates there. He said these two creatures were unlike anything he ever faced.

You see, this Mad Scientist that worked for B_____shire H_ath_w_y rebelled from his boss and started working for R_g_r A__les at Fox. He did some biochemical media studies but went apeshit one day when he was blamed for some white powder incident you may or may not heard of. So he became a bit of a recluse in this apartment building that is creepy, in a Dakota Rosemary's Baby Single White Female kind of way.

Apparently, he brainwashed these two guys and added cyborg parts and performed some remarkable plastic surgery. One was a Sean Hannity clone that did normal things like intel and courier stuff. But he packed heat, and was not one to fuck with. But this other thing was the Mad Scientist's heavy muscle, The Donut Barbarian.

Apparently, The Donut Barbarian was quite a performer. He looked like a Neaderthal in a three piece suit. But the scary part was he had glaze smeared all over his hair and chocolate teeth. He took out some underworld people with little effort. The most frightening thing of all is that this beast didn't even need to operate with firepower. Pure balls and brawn. A master with a rope and even better with knives, blades, and daggers.

My partner and I staked out the building for a couple of days. We felt like one night around 10:15 PM would most opportune time to conduct business would be the night when they both walked to a Lincoln in a nearby parking garage so they could deliver some money to the docks so we thought.

My partner and I tried to get the two in our crossfire on the sublevel 2 of the garage where the Lincoln was. I packed a couple of 45s and my trusted 12 gauge saw. My partner chose to use an AR-15 converted to auto and a 9 mil as a sidearm. As the two exited the elevator and walked towards the Lincoln, the Barbarian sniffed the air then took off -- rolling like Sonic the Hedgehog through two vehicles across his way. The Hannity clone dove behind a barricade on the left immediately. Shit, we fucked up. I still had some chocolate glaze on the lapel of my trenchcoat. That fucking bastard smelled it. I compromise my position.

Then the firefight ensued. My partner unloaded towards the Donut Barbarian. I charged jumping from hood to hood -- Highlander style -- firing shots towards the beast. Suddenly a big hamfist popped me in the face when I was jumping from a Toyota Camry towards an older model Audi. I spun one revolution backwards landing on my back on the floor and my shotty flew under a car to my left. Before I knew it, I had a tightrope around my neck.

My partner lunged forward as he reloaded and as my vision blurred I saw his flesh tear and his body convulse in a backwards motion as cords of maroon blood spattered on the concrete behind his body. He fell to his knees in a puddle of his own blood, while his weapon gently fell from his trigger hand. The Hannity clone walked up to him and pulled out a pistol, held it to his head and point blanked him in cold blood. He shouted, "You've been Hannitized!"

My weakening body filled with carnal rage and I delivered sharp elbows into the Donut Barbarian who was otherwise close to killing me, but he failed to get a good flush grip on my neck with his rope. I felt a knee strike me in the small of the back and the rope loosened as I stumbled forward. My instincts told me to do a roundhouse reverse leck sweep in the split second I regained balance. My instincts were right. I swept the Donut Barbarian off his feet and he landed on his own dagger which had my name all over it.

He shrieked and yelped as he stood up and a substance than looked like raspberry jelly sprayed out in globules from his solar plexus. White cream foamed out of his mouth. I pulled out both my 45's, Jesus Christ posed and emptied my clips -- one in the direction of the Donut Barbarian and one in the direction of the Hannitizer.

The Barbarian fell, dead as a doornail. But my aim was off in the direction of the Hannitizer. The Hannitizer had an MP5 and he was running towards the next level. But a Kandy Kolored Jet Black Humvee blasting Miami bass pulled up the incline and braked quickly. And what do you know, the window rolled down and symphony of bullets made music all over the Hannitizer. His briefcase blasted open and donut holes flew all over the floor of the parking garage.

What the fuck just happened? Who is this? I saw a leatherclad Ann Coulter emerge with an AK-47. She said to hop in... NOW!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...