lonely

Unfortunately my home computer's down long-term as I've just moved house, otherwise I would suggest you could e-mail me to talk about this further. But we could always have a conversation on this thread.

We all present "edited versions" of ourselves when in the presence of other people, even if it's your loved one. It's a natural human characteristic, as if we were completely "open" and "honest" all of the time we'd scare everyone else away.

I will be coming to the Betsey on Saturday afternoon for the ILE Awards direct from Oxford, where I have to go and look at/give my approval to the headstone for Laura's grave. It would have been her 37th birthday tomorrow as well (5th Dec) so I can't imagine that I'm going to be Mr Merriment, so I would hope that others would have some patience with me, knowing the background. My gut feeling is that if you wish to share these kinds of feelings with others, then that's fine, provided that you are 100% sure in yourself that the people with whom you plan to share them will be sympathetic (and therefore, ideally, known to you).

These boards can be infuriating at times and hilarious at others but are usually quite a good template for people who wish to express feelings, problems, etc., without fear of ridicule or rejection, provided that you are aware that you can only derive so much help from what is essentially an impersonal board with people whom one largely knows only from the written word. So it may well be that other posters here are more than willing to help you but just don't have the means, because they don't know you as a person and are therefore scared of saying the wrong thing or sounding insincere or platitudinous. So don't think that we don't care - it's just that, the Web being the way it is, there are limitations. But don't be put off and keep on posting.

Crass but true cliche to end with: it's not worth getting yourself in a tizzy over money/things. It's people who matter.

So I understand about the fear of RIDICULE and REJECTION when you discuss your deepest emotions and feelings on this forum.

Thanks for all the prayers etc. for Laura. I didn't get round to acknowledging these but should have done. Be assured, though, that they didn't go unnoticed or unaccepted.

Really if anyone deserves to win "Best Poster" on Saturday then it's you. Without a doubt.

Take care.

Though it sounds trite, I have been feeling similar to what you describe for as long as I recall. I have a lot of casual acquaintances but wonder if they really like me. I have often been rejected when I try to be more honest, or serious so now I find it hard to trust people enough to confide in them. Being on my own is all well and good, but sometimes I just don't want to think about my problems and I bore myself. Its easier just to interact with others and focus on something else.

For what its worth you don't sound banal or fake. People who have everything all sorted out are often the ones who become tedious- after all what is there for them to struggle with. If you are not happy with the people you are hanging around with try to gradually ease off the acquaintance, or better yet use them for other people they might introduce you to. I have overhauled my social circles before, its an important thing to do because if these people are bringing you down it makes everything else seem that much worse.

Oh goddamnit I am beginning to sound a little oprah winfrey. There was a guy here in Dunedin who accused his sister of getting all oprah on him and threatened to cut her up with a big knife, perhaps I should take note. I do hope that this is a case of a temporary 'down' and you will feel better tomorrow, but you are welcom to e-mail me if I have said anything you found remotely interesting or useful. Perhaps good intentions count?

I've wound you up something rotten of late but we really need to have a proper talk, away from these boards. As with Anthony, will do so when I have a workable e-mail going again. You take care as well.

:-)

So I went out dancing w/friends at this Latin music club till four in the morning and upon waking up at 2pm the next day felt much improved and even cleaned my room.

Anyway, I'm not trying to turn this into a pity party. I just want to say that nothing stays bad forever. If things don't turn around on their own, there are people/services you can turn to to help you get through this and make things better. I've often felt that no one would want to be around me if I showed them "the real me", but a moment of epihpany showed me that the face I show to people on a regular basis has to, on some level, be connected to who I am, otherwise I wouldn't be able to show it to so many other people. This may not be true for everyone, but I thin it's true for most.

You too, Jess. Just not the Associates part.

I'm so hurt.

This is too apposite.

I don't have anyone to hug. :*(

*Inetrweb hug*

Big sympathies David, it won't matter what you do over the next few days, you'll still feel just as bad. Maybe by that time there'll be some good advice on the thread though. My only suggestions are - write it all down and then throw the paper away; drink in order to sleep*; organise some kind of visit somewhere else for a couple of weeks' time.

*if you're a sleepy drunk. Not otherwise.

Thank you for all the kind words.

I have been so bad to Katy. I've not abused her or hurt her or anything overt, I guess I've just neglected her which is a way of irredeemably bruising a heart and I wish every little nag, every dismissal of taste, every stupid insult disguised and justified as 'joke', every single hour I spent on here instead of with Katy I wish I could just start it all over again. Sorry.

(My mind keeps returning to the same thought: 'I need to get a haircut!' Why?)

Thank you everyone. Elaboration, eh, well, it's nothing new or unusual. My mum died on Dec 21st 5 years ago, the same year my marriage ended, last Dec I lost that pregnancy as you all kno, well at the same time one of my cousins conceived, so her baby is now a month younger than mine would have been. I'm meeting him for the first time on Boxing Day, and I'm terrified I'll cry in front of the whole tribe. My dad has just decided that he'll leave his estate to my sister's kids, skipping my sister and I, and I just turned 41 and didn't get any birthday cards at all. I always seem to be throwing parties for other people's birthdays and spending mine in front of the TV. I have no sense that I'll ever feel well enough to work again. I'm like - I have thought about it hard and I don't think I care a bit about not inheriting my dad's house etc. It's just that a) I don't want to think about him dying because losing one parent is bad enough and b) I feel like the world has already moved beyond me; I've been written off, just a kind of odd stump on the family tree. It adds an extra ache to missing my ma. She never let me feel forgotten. And damn Christmas, and damn the Hobbit film, which would have been her best thing ever, and fuck her not being here to talk about it.

Anyway. Chin up, old girl. Nobody loves a sorrypants, and the knife thing can gtfo.

I hope you're all having good, happy Christmases, if you celebrate it. spacecadet, err... that sounds bad. A priori best wishes to you. x

Oh Zora! That's a whole lot to hit at once. Thinking of you.

I don't really know what to say, but Zora my heart goes out to you cos that sounds like a horrible bunch of stuff to deal with all at once, and I wish you all the strength to get through it for the next short while. Both you and spacecadet seem to be damn fine people - please know that I am rooting for you both!

this time of year is always so inexplicably horrible

hugs to zora and a passing spacecadet

I'm ok! just relationship issues which are making me totally up+down but compared to Zora's list, well, I feel bad for feeling bad. Agreed abt the time of year though.

(clouds, from yr recent posts on the Blue Saturday thread it sounds like you could use some hugs too, though I don't know the details. best wishes to you too)

Sending good wishes to all who are having an anxious time this year when it should be relatively easygoing, quiet..

Big hugs to fizzles, passing spacecadet, clouds, and everyone else going thru a difficult time....

I don't recall if Zora wrote about her relationship with her dad in this space, but is it just me, or is astoundingly rude and insensitive to gift his entire estate to his other daughter's kids given the circumstances here? Don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to will their estate to whomever you wish for whatever reason they may have, and if you like one of your kids better than the other, you can give the everything you own to the other kid if that's what pleases you. But what we have here is a man with two daughters, one who has children, and the other who tried extremely hard to overcome biological impediments to have a child, spending nearly all of her available funds for fertility treatment, but was ultimately unsucessful. Maybe there's more to the story than I know, but to skip Zora's side of the family because she didn't give him grandchildren seems like intentionally rubbing salt into already deep wounds. (LMK if i'm going somewhere I shouldn't be, but I think these are all things you've posted here and I'm just connecting dots; apologies in advance if i'm misstating anything).

Anyway, that's just way more than anyone should have to deal with at one time, and I so wish there was something I could do from afar that would be of any help. I know there probably isn't, but if you ever again get to thinking that "I don't think anyone would really miss me" if you were gone, well, I know at least one person that would.

and I just turned 41 and didn't get any birthday cards at all.

well ok, we can take care of that one real fast.....

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║      Z  O   O R   R A   A   ║
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║    Z    O   O R R   A   A   ║
║   ZZZZZ  OOO  R  RR A   A   ║
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║   4 4      4 4    111 1     ║
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║   4 44444444 4      1 1     ║
║   4444444444 4      1 1     ║
║            4 4      1 1     ║
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my love to zora and all

that struck me too, lee, though without any knowledge of familiar particulars

even skipping a generation with inheritance seems questionable unless the parents are rich enough already or they would lack the discretion to use it in their children's interest

About to move within my new city, from one end to the other, more friendless than I've ever been after (inadvertently) ostracizing the one good local friend I did have. (Awkwardly, I am moving within close proximity to that person though there's little hope of reconciliation in any event.)

giving a friendly noncreepy telepathic hug to anyone who needs it

happy holidays Morbs!

why thankyew, mazel tov

hey morbs

merry christmas

happy birthday zora and love to all

Oh wow, thanks guys :) Leee, the birthday ASCII is so cool, it's like being 11 again. :)

Merry christingmas everyone!

fwiw my dad doesn't mean to be insensitive. He is a very kind and charitable person. His thinking is that we are well enough off to get by, whilst things will be harder for the next generation. Also, he was a teenage parent so he's looking to avoid death duties being payable twice, you know, us not being that much younger than he is.

good to know he means well

(and yeah, that was my first attempt at ASCII art in about 15 years - took me a few minutes before i even remembered how to fetch the box outline characters)

http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/84386b2542109c869a362fa3db3d12e0/tumblr_miw32ks4zu1qisuj3o1_500.png

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog's_dilemma

i didn't know about that term. thanks for the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2Uua9xwK4Q

If I could just grab a melon baller and dig this little bit of loneliness out of my mind I could really get on with this numb, pointless existence in earnest.

word

i agree that there is a lot of numbness in the world, but i think there is a point. i think people have a point, but sometimes it's very hard to find. and loneliness is a problem. last night i went to the pub and got a plate of fries alone. the fries are always amazing there.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/3320c7fb0e65bb18e4767bfdcf0bb2d4/tumblr_mmvjnh6seb1re30fbo1_500.png

http://25.media.tumblr.com/c882a4517b939c20a4aab96eb2f8d704/tumblr_mmvjnh6seb1re30fbo2_500.jpg

aw william jones man :(

So I was gonna post this on the GURL thread, but then I thought "If I think this is gender-land-grabbing bullshit, wouldn't it be better to get other perspectives?"

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/love,-sex-and-relationships/are-women-lonelier-than-men-20130618-2ofn3.html

The title is deceiving; it's not about "are women lonelier than men" but "is loneliness worse for women than for men." I mean, I dispute the former utterly; this thread certainly shows everybody in their loneliness. But the latter... I suspect it's complicated. I certainly think that society treats the condition of "being on your own" differently for the genders. On one hand, there's such a prevalent and accepted view of a male "loner" as Being A Thing, while an unaccompanied woman is a vision not of strength or resilience but portrayed either as victim, or the subject of fear, loathing and demonisation. On the other hand, I suspect that the portrayal of "women" as "the social gender" makes it harder for men to admit to or try to ask for help with being lonely.

Anyway, you know how much I hate pieces like this which unnecessarily gender Things Which Are Not Gendered. But there's a rash of "loneliness and how it diminishes your life expectancy" articles lately. And FFS, like it's not bad enough feeling the stigma, and the embarrassment at having to admit to Being Lonely, but now I have to worry that it will kill me, too.

Aeon Magazine did a similar piece a while back, which was much better written IMO:

http://aeon.co/magazine/being-human/olivia-laing-me-lonely-in-manhattan/

one of those "sad loser surrounded by companionship" days

even after Jesus Christ superstar

People who spend all day posting to ILX definitely aren't lonely

broad statement

i cried all the fucking way thru Jesus Christ Superstar

well if that's not what alw musicals are for then idk what

truth

the last JCS I caught had an absurdly nourished Jesus I found it difficult to fully engage

cast for this was great tonight, including my two

rah so

srsly tho the Romans never built a structure woulda held this guy up for three days

what roles did yr two play?

Han was in the chorus and Jay was an apostle. it was a big production for an amateur drama school, used the city's main theatre. set still wobbled a bit tho.

awesome

at least you aren't don henley

small blessings

this would explain p much my entire PC MUSIC posting spree fwiw

met my best friend today. we meet in small installments. it's nice and i enjoy it. but now night has settled - long, dark, abandoned. is this a state one must grow accustomed to

sorry this is so egotistical, something will happen to make me feel less lonely soon, others are suffering more, i'm just attention spoilt. um i'll be in other threads

I love to be alone, I have gone to Silverdale for peace and quiet. The noise of others is deafening sometimes

^me too and i rarely am these days and i fear it is actually killing me

lj yr polysyllabic spree brings content, and content is king, regrettez rien

My son's school requested some photos for PECS assistance and two of the categories they gave us was Family and Friends and we have had to explain that outside of the school he has no friends at all and none of either of his parents families give a fuck about him, so there are no photos we can add as family and friends other than me his mum, me and the fucking labrador! It only bothers me that by the time I am dead this will be a problem and he will be truly lonely.