Your idea of Heaven (or fun things to do when you die)

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Dying will be like falling asleep. I'll wake in a huge big feather bed with a huge t.v screen and a remote control. I'll feel at peace, as if I have just completed a long journey and can now rest.

I won't miss anyone of anything from life - that would ruin heaven for me. The huge t.v screen and remote control are my tools for surfing my previous life. I will be able to rewind and watch my life in detail, pause, zoom in, scrutinise others reactions, view things from different angles.

Don't know yet if I'd want to view anyone elses life in the same detail, I guess I'd become a bit bored watching my own life after a time.

Oh, and physically I won't change. So I can sleep and eat and drink, and of course all my needs will be catered for by a crowd of heavenly lackeys.

What would your ideal after death situation be?

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Argh! Are you sure you're describing heaven there, and not hell? The idea that I have to rewatch and scrutinise my life over and over and over... ARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!! That is definitely more hellish sounding to me.

I think heaven would be more like a place without memory, where you didn't have to concentrate on the past, remember it, or even think about it really. You could live happily forever in the moment. That would be heaven for me.

Oh yes, and I could eat all the chocolate and drink all the booze I wanted without even putting on weight or having a hangover. Oh yes.

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I think heaven is me + internet + tea.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

heaven is the colour of sodium lighting

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Baklava and porterhouse steaks grow on trees!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

trees grow on wheels!!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh and heaven is, of course, like a giant English Country House (minus the drafts of course) stuffed with agreeable guests (who will take dinner in their own parlours when I tire with them) and staffed entirely by lovely angelic blond crushboys.

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Punk Ashton Kutcher.

― BARMS, Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

And a butler. In heaven, everyone has a butler. Even the butlers have butlers.

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

the bar in heaven plays my favorite song, they play it once again, they play it all night long.

― i love scotch, scotchy scotch scotch (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't really get with the "your soul is a Walkman and your body merely a worn-out set of batteries" school of thought.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it wrong that my idea of heaven is like a cross between a Jane Austen novel and a Suede video?

"Why Mr. Anderson, I am undone...."
::wisks across office in wheelie chair::

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't really get with the "your soul is a Walkman and your body merely a worn-out set of batteries" school of thought.

I kinda think of it more like "your soul is the tape and your body is the Walkmen that has fallen out of your bag onto the concrete one too many times".

Which I guess would make the moment you scream your way out of the womb that little three tone thing that you hear at the beginning of audio cassettes.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Or even more accurately "your soul is the music and your body is the cassette which has been chucked into the back seat haphazardly and stepped one time too many".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Oooh, I don't know Kate, I'd love to see myself as a kid, and as a teen, and see how I looked to other people. It's a horrible fascination of mine. Maybe it would be kind of hellish but totally compelling at the same time.

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

1) I don't want to know. I really don't.

2) I'm DEAD!!! What do I care?

Now can't we just get back to Brett Anderson polishing my brass?

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

As my mind starts to fail, it also slows down. Gradually time becomes elasticated and as the rest of the world is captured in a moment, my thoughts continue. Eventually infinity is grasped and the euphoria that's released into my mind is strong enough to provide me with the greatest trip I've has ever known, and it lasts me forever.

Hmm, I think my ideal heaven would be to step up the ladder of evolution to a near god like status and be able to project myself anywhere in the universe.

Failing that, I would settle for Spanish food all day long.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Spending eternity reliving the highlights reel of my life would indeed by hell. Heaven for me would finally being released from the hell of my life here.

I like the idea of no memory, no sense just peace.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The first thing likely to be said to me in the extremely unlikely event of an afterlife:

"Brand new customers only."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

in the place that the saved call heaven
the Earth is made of tempurpedic
there's a t-bone tree
all the songs are by Ween
and all the angels
look like Zhang Ziyi
in the place that the saved call heaven

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I can get behind that vision, Nickalish.

Ever since I was tiny I've been stuck on the idea that you can breathe underwater in Heaven. This always comes to mind first when people ask me what the afterlife might be like.

― sugarpants: the luscious ingenue (sugarpants), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, if it's so great, why is it called the Afterlife?

Why isn't here called the "beforeHeaven" ?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Heaven is a big library/museum in the sky that enables you to look up anything and everything that ever happened - all answers are therein. Original documents and artefacts The staff are trees (of knowledge). Everything is interactive to the extent that you can enter the past as a ghost-like spectator should you choose to do so - touch, scent etc. being simulated. Next door is the best theme park in the universe, with the best pub in the universe adjacent. Ample parking day and night, people spouting always never.

― Sven Bastard (blueski), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

bugger all.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh Sven, that sounds grebt actually.

Who was it who quoted "Hell is other people?"

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Sartre.

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

(Did I spell that right? Do I have enough Rs in there? It always looks wrong.)

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

It's correct.

― Ian Riese-Moraine. Sweeter than a lorry load of white Toblerones. (Eastern Mantr, Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

smelling everything at once

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds a bit like stevem wants to go to the Starship Enterprise when he dies...

My version is more like Kate's first post to the thread I think (though some of her later ideas sound good too!)

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Heaven is a big library/museum in the sky

And I'm the guy saying to return the books on time or you'll be fined. Punks.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, Heaven is a holodeck (sp?)

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

crap, but what about when the holograms come alive and can really hurt you, or when you think you are on the spaceship but really you are in some bizarre alein lab or have some disease and are really laying in a bed in the sickbay?

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I like to think that when we die we become teletubbies. We spend all day dancing and running around on endless green hills while God, in the form of a flaming baby's head, shrieks with delight.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

actually, perhaps when we die we STOP being teletubbies, dancing for the flaming baby head.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah but those are just dramatic conceits. The HEAVENLY Enterprise won't need them.

xpost

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Because everything people say about this is a speculation, we're all on equally shaky epistemological ground. As Bertrand Russell put it, "I do not pretend to be able to prove that there is no God. I equally cannot prove that Satan is a fiction. The Christian god may exist; so may the gods of Olympus, or of ancient Egypt, or of Babylon. But no one of these hypotheses is more probable than any other...."

I'm a pretty strong agnostic on matters divine; talking or thinking about this is just a fun thought experiment.

That said, my heaven would be a long street of sidewalk cafes. I could sit with my book, outside, while coffee is continually brought to me in the morning and beer in the afternoon. People are always walking up and down the street. Some are strangers; some are friends--they might stop to chat or have a drink; or they might wave but let me be alone with my book, beverage, and thoughts.

― The Mad Puffin (The Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

It would be great to sit on a clifftop overlooking a blue ocean, having a lunch of a waldorf salad with plenty of apples, nuts and raisins, conversing with Walt Whitman, Carl Sagan, Mozart, Moses.... the second day, in a garden, with a brunch of pancakes and strawberries, with Mary Magdalene, Marie Curie, Edna ST. Vincent Millay... and ah! the third day....

― pepektheassassin (pepektheassassin), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

In heaven no-one will judge me. Or, maybe more pertinently, I won't think everyone is judging me.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, it COULD happen.... I live with a "perfect brightness of hope."

― pepektheassassin (pepektheassassin), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

heaven is a halfpipe

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

One of the day shows I saw at SXSW was a bunch of bands playing at a private bike/skate ramp. The bands were set up at the bottom for a half-bowl and one guy pointed out that we were at a rock concert, on a skate ramp which was "everything we ever wanted when we were 12."

I would say maybe that was heaven but they had run out of free beer by the time we got there.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Tuesday, 22 March 2005 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"I do not pretend to be able to prove that there is no God. I equally cannot prove that Satan is a fiction. The Christian god may exist; so may the gods of Olympus, or of ancient Egypt, or of Babylon. But no one of these hypotheses is more probable than any other...."

Hey Bertrand, Can you prove your systems of hypothesis and probability are not fiction?

― A Nairn (moretap), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:13 (twenty-one years ago)

TO me heaven would be becoming a mind among the universe, being able to converse with all the other great minds in the starsoup. No body, no physical pain or longings, just peace, knowledge and exploration. Not that I call it heaven or anything. Its a taoist thing maybe. Become part of the ten thousand things.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:35 (twenty-one years ago)

One would practice. One would get better at things.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I've always thought that going to heaven would be not knowing you'd died, and continuing to live a maddeningly wonderful life on earth forever and ever. And that as time went by, you'd believe that a miracle drug had been invented to keep everybody young and attractive and disease-free. And as time rolled past some more, other conveniences would be introuduced until eventually - and by a eons gradual approach - you'd acclimate yourself with the idea of 'death' (though you'd already really be dead) and at that moment everything would blissfully, amazingly stop, and the sun would go motherfucking supernova and blow existence into smithereens.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:41 (twenty-one years ago)

but I'm generally really happy with my life.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Also in my future (which is really heaven) all laws will be eradicated and social nicety will be the name of the game. And nobody will mind if I sleep with their wife, or fondle their minxy college-age daughter.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:44 (twenty-one years ago)

meet up w/ terri schiavo, so we can both laugh at the dumb fucks outside her hospice and in the congress.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 06:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to go to Jazz Heaven.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

CEREBRAL SHAGGING. Oh yeah baby, thats heaven orright.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 23 March 2005 07:29 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

I can't believe I forgot to add one of the most important parts of my Heavenly Experience - stats.

I'll be able to look at all the stats for my life, kinda like GTA. I'd like to see how many miles I've covered on foot, by car etc.

How many pizzas I've eaten, how many hours I've spent aslepp, how much cash I spent in my lifetime.

Oh, and I wouldn't mind commentators giving a post match analysis either ;-)

― Rumpie, Friday, 9 September 2005 12:03 (twenty years ago)

I didn't think your heaven could get any more hellish, but it just did! Heaven would be a place where there would be no stats, no charts, no commentary, no accounts, no pivot tables and breakdowns...

Now hush up and let me get back to fantasising about Anderson Manor there.

::flings buckled shoes across room in ecstacy::

― Luminiferous Aether (kate), Friday, 9 September 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

Hmm, you're making me feel like my heaven is no different to my work *sniff*

At least in heaven I won't be carrying my lazy colleagues scabby arses.

― Rumpie, Friday, 9 September 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

Stats of my life would be awesome!!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 9 September 2005 12:18 (twenty years ago)

Like how many times you broke wind?

How many times you cried, how many hours you spent sitting down.... the things we'll never know about ourselves are endless, it's a shame no-ones keeping count.

― Rumpie, Friday, 9 September 2005 12:27 (twenty years ago)

WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW ANY OF THESE THINGS?!?!?

I spend enough time obsessing about the minute mistakes of my past life as it is.

I think if I make it to heaven, I deserve to have Brett Anderson lookylikes dressed up in Regency gear polishing my brass, and never have to think of anything else ever again.

― Luminiferous Aether (kate), Friday, 9 September 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

Free accommodation, no bills, no work, my fender jazz bass and strat will be there, plugs, hoegaarden, Chinese food and last of all, I want to be able to have lots of sex without any comebacks.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 9 September 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

"Heaven is a place in our minds where we keep thoughts of others." -Les from Echo and the Bunnymen, slightly paraphrased. I think he's right.

― Ian Riese-Moraine: Let this bastard out, and you'll get whiplash! (Eastern Mantr, Friday, 9 September 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

I think it'd be fun to go a-haunting after I die.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Friday, 9 September 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

Oh my lord, there really *is* an Anderson Manor!

http://somersetshire.biz/images/d/houses/edmonsham_1920-2.jpg

― Luminiferous Aether (kate), Friday, 9 September 2005 13:43 (twenty years ago)

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