HOSTESS FRUIT PIES

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

480 calories. 200 from fat. 45% of the recommended daily Saturated Fat intake for a 2000 calorie a day diet. Artificial flavors up the wazoo. SO GOOD.

Apple, that is.

(ha ha filed under CUISINE because of the Fruit Pie's pre-processed sublimity)

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

And, hey, here's a neat idea! Post old Hostess comic ads from SeanBaby.com! Because that's never been done before!

(Pardon my sarcasm & cynicism - it's a byproduct of my origastic repast.)

I'm gonna have a Double Whopper w/ cheese for dinner, & then go to the hospital for pre-emptive heart bypass surgery.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

HomeRun pies are only .25 but have like 400 calories. Best bang for your buck.

― andy --, Monday, 28 March 2005 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

When I was in college back in the day, I'd hit Store 24 around 2 AM w/ my dormmates and gorge myself on the 2 / $1.00 Hostess Fruit Pie specials. Oh yes.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/tbolts1.htm

(xpost: Oops.)

― The Ghost of So, So Predictable (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

PWN3D

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I went through a green pie (i think it was supposed to be apple?) phase in High School, because I wanted to be ready in case terrorists from outer space hijacked my gondola. They were sweetly addictive, and much, much better than Twinkies.

― Huk-L, Monday, 28 March 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I dunno why some boy/girl genius doesn't figure out that it'd be superkewl to make, say, a PS2 game ad for the funny books in the same fashion as the time-honored Hostess ad. Fuck girls in bikinis w/ swords - gimme aliens w/ Twinkie fixations!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

The apple ones were rancid! They always made me puke.

IT'S ALL CHERRY ALL THE TIME UP IN THIS BXTCH

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Gimme both!

xpost

― Huk-L, Monday, 28 March 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Daver, you've basically described Space Channel 5 with an eating disorder. Which would be AWESOME.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I like how there's REAL FRUIT FILLING in the pie, but it's also ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED - makes me think they opt for the Grade F apples, the ones that fell off the truck & got kicked around and/or the ones that had worms and/or the ones made of wax.

Also, the apple-colored goo in the pie I just finished reminds me of the lovely sinus-infection stuff I expectorated all of last weekend in violent spit-hawking fashion.

SO GOOD.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Note: This adventure takes place in a Hypertime dimension known as Earth-Hostess®.

― Huk-L, Monday, 28 March 2005 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

We shd write up a script for this Twinkie-alien / bikini-sword thing, and see if CBS will greenlight it. We could probably get key advertising space during the Super Bowl, if we time it right. And get someone from One Tree Hill to star!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I loved the lemon ones til I moved to New Orleans and discovered Hubig's Pies. Mmm. Sweet potato Hubig's = bliss bliss bliss.

― adam (adam), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Vachon snacks are a little better, Jos Louis, for example.

― Huk-L, Monday, 28 March 2005 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh god the LEMON ones are the ones that'd inspire me to rowlf.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.portigal.com/MuseumPhotos/Jos.Louis-Canada.jpg

― Huk-L, Monday, 28 March 2005 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

TS: Hostess Fruit Pies v. frosted Pop Tarts. They're next to each other in the vending machine, and were the Fruit Pies not in there, I probably would've opted for the Pop Tarts. Though I REALLY wish they didn't shitcan the Mike & Ikes for MORE M&Ms. "Gee, I dunno if I want the $.80 bag, or the $1.05 bag!"

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

http://theimaginaryworld.com/pix506.jpg

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I have never eaten a rancid Pop Tart.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

mr teeny swears by the blueberry ones. I've never dared.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

God I would kill for Pop-Tarts or Hostess Pies in our vending machines. Kill. I had to settle for Starburst. Ugh.

― adam (adam), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Unfrosted strawberry pop-tarts taste great when you put a slice of American cheese over it and microwave it for thirty seconds.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what the Expiration Date is for, Dan! Also, check for dust. (I once bought a bottle of juice from the Big Fancy Grocery Store up the road from my place that had expired 16 MONTHS AGO. Coated in dust. And, yes, I BOUGHT it because I figured a Big Fancy Grocery Store would check up on this shit. And I grabbed the non-dusty part when I picked the bottle up.)

Untoasted fruity Pop Tarts have a bit of a rancid tartness to them. The Brown Sugar Cinnamon Mega Bomb Fuck Yr Teef ones, though, are all good in any state.

"settling for Starburst"!!! Well, actually, I only pound down the exotic Starburst flavors (kiwi banana! apple mango!) - the orginal flavors can suck on a pigtit.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

the blueberry and cherry ones are my favs. the apple and lemon suck. i love the sugary glaze.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Put a donut in the oven for a little bit. The goodness is lethal.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

What kind of donut, though? Dunkin / Krispy, or grocery-store bought?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

RUN DONUT DEBONAIR!!!!!!!!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

UH you could jsut microwave it for 5 seconds like krispy kreme ko. rekkomends.

meanwhirle do they still make unfrosted poppping tarts because i WANT THEM. they were good w/ butter. haven't seen one of those in ages.

ps nobody tooasts them anymore.

― sankcfood., Monday, 28 March 2005 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Unfrosted Pop Tarts exist. I think they're in the Health Food section, next to the Kudos and the cans of Hi-C Ecto Cooler.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't know about those ads. Does that explain all of the fruit pie references in Spider Man/Human Torch #3?

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 28 March 2005 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I could cut a man today for some Mike and Ikes. Or a fruit pie. Pouring fucking cold-ass rain + inexplicably wearing suede shoes for some dumbass reason = can't run to Store 24. Only Wheatables and trail mix in the office kitchen.

Send me delicious hydrogenated vegetable oil, high fructose corn syrup, yellow #5 thx.

― Daniel Cohen (dayan), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll also point out that all Hostess fruit pies pale in comparison to the frosted ones with second-rate chocolate pudding inside. I haven't seen them on sale in about ten years.

― Daniel Cohen (dayan), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll also point out that all Hostess fruit pies pale in comparison to the frosted ones with second-rate chocolate pudding inside.

GLORP.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't like Krispy Kreme half as much as Dunkin Donuts. Nuke anything with a glaze or frosting on it. So good, you'll want to sit in it.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Amen to that (re: DD > KK). Unfortunately, I took DD for granted - there were THREE within driving distance from my place, but I didn't care. When the KK opened up near me, though, the smell & the glow intrigued me. Until I had one of their donuts. Blaaaaaaah.

Those Dunkin' Donut steak breakfast sandwiches, though - what the hell?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

You guys are on crack. Krispy Kreme = DONUT PERFECTION.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

OTM.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

krispy kreme are only good when hot off the presses.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

http://stores.safeshopper.com/10/00/13/70/62/images/n141lxo.gif

― dead man moonwalking (kephm), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

In elementary school I was friends with a kid whose dad worked at the hostess plant. He brought a hostess pie for lunch every day. Once in a while he'd bring me the teenage mutant ninja turtle special edition hostess pie, which was filled with green gloppy pudding. Since I never got sweets at home, I thought he was the fucking luckiest kid on the planet.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Unfrosted strawberry pop tarts + nutella=Why I am a faettey.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 28 March 2005 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

do they sell nutella in non-chicago il? becuz i wd like some of that too.

i will have to check thsee things, soon.

i am glad there are no heatlh freaks on this thread. i hate you, health freaks. nobody likes you and you ruin food for everyone else. die.

― helo SCRUMPY, Monday, 28 March 2005 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

The apple pies are okay, but I'LL TAKE THE RASPBERRY ZINGERS THANKS.

Nutella available here (MS) at salvage groceries. They're still working through the stocks of jars with Kobe Bryant on the label.

― Curious George Finds the Ether Bottle (Rock Hardy), Monday, 28 March 2005 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

WHY DID MC' DONALDS STOP SELLING CHERRY PIES? WHY? OHHH THE MOUTHFULLS OF HOTCHEEEEEERIIES

― dead man moonwalking (kephm), Monday, 28 March 2005 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

It's all about the blackberry pie, bitchez.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 28 March 2005 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0898/raph.jpg

― Cabaret Voltron (PUNXSUTAWNEY PENIS), Monday, 28 March 2005 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, I actually remember eating a couple of those TMNT pies! They were like the normal hostess ones only the shell was green and it was filled with this pseudo-pudding substance of dubious origin.

― mike h. (mike h.), Monday, 28 March 2005 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Otherwise known as "vanilla puddin' power", apparently.

(Making face right now.)

I haven't had a Hostess fruit pie in forever, but when I do get one, I love the cherry variety the most. One of those makes me happy happy. And I used to have a thing for Hostess Twinkies until I found out (recently, actually) what that creamy filling is supposed to be. Ever since, I've steered clear of those, choosing instead to, in the odd occasion when I feel like having a Twinkie-like confection, I go for the Dolly Madison verson of such, which actually has a REAL cream filling. As in, it's actually made of cream. And, as a consequence, tastes a lot lighter and better.

― Surreal Addiction (Dee the Lurker), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 01:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Do they still make Hostess pies with beef fattey?

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

seven years pass...

hostess going out of business

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2kjisMm3M9Y/SwjfSE5dAVI/AAAAAAAAK5E/UHcR6PiFGas/s1600/joker-hostess-fruit-pies.gif

― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Friday, 16 November 2012 17:17 (thirteen years ago)

Other Hostess thread already in a state of namecalling and emotional meltdown:

TS: Tastykake vs. Hostess, Drake's, Little Debbie's, etc.

― how's life, Friday, 16 November 2012 17:38 (thirteen years ago)

Oh, you already joined that party. nevermind.

― how's life, Friday, 16 November 2012 17:39 (thirteen years ago)

I am a premature postulator

― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Friday, 16 November 2012 20:29 (thirteen years ago)

And it don't quit(I say that to say this)
You can't oppose this (I say that to say this)
Cuz if the clothes fit (I say that to say this)
You're a hostess! (I say that to say this)

― Judah Ben Ghazi (how's life), Friday, 16 November 2012 20:35 (thirteen years ago)

"The famous painting Laugh, Clown, Laugh"

― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Friday, 16 November 2012 21:02 (thirteen years ago)

I don't know about today, but back when I was a kid and actually ate the occassional Hostess Fruit Pie (tm), their labels proudly and boldly proclaimed: More Fruit Filling Than Crust!

― Aimless, Saturday, 17 November 2012 00:48 (thirteen years ago)

When they got rid of Fruit Pie the Magician, that pulled the plug on the whole enterprise.

― Judah Ben Ghazi (how's life), Saturday, 17 November 2012 00:58 (thirteen years ago)

btw, the slogan I cited above most emphatically did not mean more fruit than crust, but rather there was more of the oozing-sugary-glop-with-some-embalmed-fruit-hiding-in-it than crust.

― Aimless, Saturday, 17 November 2012 01:12 (thirteen years ago)

i still eat these for breakfast sometimes. always so sad when you get one that is 95% filling. it happens quite often. you are better off with drake's or table talk. plus, when i eat table talk pies i'm actually being a locavore.

― scott seward, Saturday, 17 November 2012 01:15 (thirteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.