"the grass is always greener..."

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

is this mostly a guy thing? are some people just programmed to be dissatisfied, and when they're happy they look for things to be wrong? this is my friend's theory about his life (and relationship) right now.

― jody von oy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

both men and women bitch about things a lot on ilx.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

that wasn't my question.

― jody von oy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

no. yes.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think I'd look for things to be wrong if I was content, but then I don't think I'm ever likely to achieve that state. And I think as a horribly generalised statement that yes, women have more easily satisfiable ambitions than men, or else find it easier not to worry about the goals they can't reach.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

they also suck at science, larry.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I always thought it was the other way around.
Maybe I'm just a shit boyfriend.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

But the manure on the greener side is Grade A premium. Mmm, yum, cow pastures...

― What we want? Sex with T.V. stars! What you want? Ian Riese-Moraine! (Eastern Ma, Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, the grass is greener, even after you've gone and come back.

― 57 7th (calstars), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

This trait is BY NO MEANS the province of one gender or the other.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

thank you.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Nobody said anything about sole province. That doesn't mean there mightn't be broad trends in which men and women think or feel differently.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

http://webweekly.hms.harvard.edu/archive/2003/6_23/Broad.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:29 (twenty-one years ago)

"get it guys? 'broad trends?' hardeharhar" *chomps cigar*

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously though, the differences in female/male biology and female/male socialisation have no effect on the way we think or feel? Is this what you're saying?

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

no confidence

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines01/images/0312-03.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't work out if you're joking or being an assmunch, stencil.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Everytime I hear this phrase, I think of those two Dynamite-like teeny-boppers who used to host some advice segment right after cartoons on ABC Saturday mornings back in the late seventies.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

some of both.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously though, the differences in female/male biology and female/male socialisation have no effect on the way we think or feel? Is this what you're saying?

I'm not saying that at all, but IN THIS CASE, I've observed no gender divide. I've seen plenty of this behavior from both sexes, in fact.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:47 (twenty-one years ago)

x post

I figured ;)

I'm not stoopid, I know what bullshit has been suggested in the name of "Equal But Different". Still, intuitively: women and men are constructed differently. Yes we're all individuals, yes, socialisation affects our experiences. I just think pretending that differences are impossible or non-existent is counter-productive in the end, another version of assimilation. Tho I'm happy to admit I could be a million miles wrong. But that would involve reasoned debate, I reckon.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry Jordan, I was reacting to stencil accusing me of being a wife-beater.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

to my knowledge larry summers doesn't beat his wife.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think there's a male/female difference w/r/t grass is greener. even if I thought there was, it'd just be because, in my personal experience, one gender has thought/acted one way more often than the other rather it being some objective fact.

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

x post

I know. I was being an assmunch.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

even if I thought there was, it'd just be because, in my personal experience, one gender has thought/acted one way more often than the other rather it being some objective fact.

Errr, most objective facts are just large collections of empirical data backing up an induction like this.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

and even if one could somehow prove that men more often have this though pattern, what does anyone gain from knowing that? "oh you're a man, and 45% of men think like that, as opposed to 30% of women, so I guess I can't really hold it against you"

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

right but ILE is hardly a valid place to obtain sociological data. you'd just have a bunch of people saying "well i think men do it more!" "no no, women!" "no you're both wrong and plus very gay!" like every other thread.

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

In that case might I suggest there was no point you visiting the thread?

You can't "prove" this kind of thing in those terms. And the initial question didn't suggest there was anything to be gained. But isn't thinking about the way people think a valid field of inquiry? I reckon advertisers, for example, might have practical uses for this kind of knowledge. Although advertisers, of course, are all evil.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

larry summers didn't say that.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

there's no point in visiting any thread.

we're talking about gender differences one minute, and now you switch to "thinking about the way people think" in general. no one here as said men and women think and act the same. we just said we don't think gender is a significant factor in this issue.

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

How is Gender Differences not Thinking About the Way People Think? I said I think it might be a significant factor without giving a good reason, you said the opposite without giving a good reason. Thus far we've both been wasting our time. Which is a fair fucking point. So I'm going to play GTA instead.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

The chief difference between men & women that I can tell is this: women become adults and men do not.

― andy --, Wednesday, 30 March 2005 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I would just like to point out that the grass is usually stronger where the other half live, if you know what I'm saying.

― hooch, Wednesday, 30 March 2005 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

You will never be content until you are dead. Desire is life, you just have to deal with it. < /Buddha Lacan>

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 23:06 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a shame, this thread could have been so interesting.

― jody von oy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

there are better threads out there

― bro dudely (deangulberry), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 23:47 (twenty-one years ago)

there have to be

― bro dudely (deangulberry), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 23:48 (twenty-one years ago)

buddha lacan!

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 31 March 2005 03:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Screw it, it still can be interesting.

In my experience, this is not a gender divide issue, but a Human Nature issue, to always want what one can't have, to think that what one has is not as good as What Someone Else Has, be it a relationship, or material goods, or whatever.

I admit that my view might be biased by my own particular lack of identification with many stereotypical traits of my own gender. But in observing others, it seems to be the Human Condition.

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Thursday, 31 March 2005 07:31 (twenty-one years ago)

"the bread is always buttered on the other side"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 31 March 2005 08:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait, is that one of the Finnish Sayings?

I was making a book of them at one point... whatever happened to it? I did several illustrations for it, and then moved and it got lost. :-(

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Thursday, 31 March 2005 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/041126.html

The grass IS greener on the other side, PROVEN BY SCIENCE!

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 31 March 2005 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm impressed.

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Thursday, 31 March 2005 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

my empirical research in this area (= of my close close friends, counting heads)

1 last-minute fling just before wedding (wedding then delayed for 18 months of recrimination and general bad temper, before resumption and so far happy-ever-after) = a boy
2 "partners for life = that's fascism!" = both girls

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 31 March 2005 08:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate OTM. (I am partly posting this because I have just been sickened by the American Girl thread and really really don't want people like noodle vague insisting that my female BRANE has anything in common with that horrendousness - most of the time, there is no REAL gender divide.)

― emil.y (emil.y), Thursday, 31 March 2005 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

(Funny because one of my colleagues has just been loudly espousing the typical "most girls only care about shopping and clothes, blah blah" sexist drivel. I don't usually get involved in office chatter, but I made the mistake of butting into that conversation.)

((and by the way, black girls be driving like THIS, while white guys be driving like THAT, etc. blah blah))

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Thursday, 31 March 2005 10:07 (twenty-one years ago)

This is totally a gender-independent thing as far as I've seen!

I like the Johnney's SCIENCE, that's clever.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 31 March 2005 10:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Even my mum was getting in on it yesterday. She was telling me that she was glad her Sunday School group was all boys this year because "Boys like to run around and have FITES! - with play swords and everything - to debate the nature of St. Augustine's Just War Theory, while all girls ever want to do is baptise their dollies."

I was aghast, and indignantly replied "Did I *ever* even *have* a doll in my LIFE?!?!?"

She thought about it and sighed and said "no, actually, you always prefered dogs."

Anyway! Another scientific explanation:

Perhaps grass appearing greener more to girls than boys is because RED-GREEN COLOUR BLINDNESS is a sex-linked trait far more common in males than females. Men literally CANNOT perceive the green to judge which is greener.

(Of two things, one must always be the greener. Even of two bananas!)

― Masonic Cathedral (kate), Thursday, 31 March 2005 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I figure that the grass probably isn't that much better or worse on the other side. You can be discontent with what you've got, make changes, but it'll be the same, essentially (as it seems to be a changing external factors thing). Yeah, yeah, some people do manage to undergo dramatic wonderful life-affirming change, the old moth to butterfly/ugly duckling thing - it always seems a bit of a fairytale to me. I know this is pessimistic, but for me it's a way of working with what I have rather than what I think I want/need, blah blah blah, love the life you have, etc etc etc.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 March 2005 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

baptise their dollies

Boys do this too, ONLY IN BLOOD!

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 31 March 2005 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.