MINDHUNTERS

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

WHO MINDHUNTS THE MINDHUNTERS

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

this movie had a twist ending so dumb i really want to spoil it for you all so i can talk about it.

and laugh and learn and love.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

one vote for 'spoil it'

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

what happens when a mindhunter becomes a mindhuntEE?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

But are there boobies in it?

― Huk-L, Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe we should guess. did the murderer have a split personality?

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Did they find tiny footprints in the victims brain?

― Huk-L, Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

are the murder victims actually all suicides?

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

We're all Frankies.
We're all lying in Hell.

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Did the murderer turn out to be Merv Griffin?

― Scott CE (Scott CE), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Rosebud was a cunt.

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

there's no way you're going to guess.

so...

*** MINDHUNTERS SPOILERS!! SPOILERS THAT WILL SPOIL THE ENJOYMENT OF RENNY HARLIN'S LONG-SHELVED THRILLER 'MINDHUNTERS' STARRING VAL KILMER (IN IT FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS) AND CHRISTIAN SLATER (IN IT FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES) AND LL COOL J (IN IT FOR FAR TOO LONG) ***

*** I AM GOING TO SPOIL THE PLOT FOR THE FILM 'MINDHUNTERS' NOW!!! ***

*** I'M SPOILING IT ***

*** SPOILERS ***

*** 'MINDHUNTERS' SPOILERS JUST AHEAD ***

so it gets down to this chick, this dude, and ll cool j on the island. everyone else has been dispatched in preposterously gory ways. ok so everything is going crazy and they're all running around. the killer's gonna kill someone!!

the chick hides under a school bus. from that vantage point she sees dude running towards her, he's all "GET OUT OF THERE!!!" then he gets shot like 20 times and goes down.

she's still watching. ll cool j saunters over and sorta kicks over the body, inspecting it. it was ll cool j all along! he starts to do that "saaaraaaah! come out come out wherever you are!" thing that killers always do when their victims are hiding somewhere. he goes towards the bus. meanwhile she climbs into the bus through a hatch.

he searches the bus for her. thinks she's there... she's not there!!

instead she's running away. she runs into a building. he catches up. she's all "it was you! why did you do this thing?" he's all cocky and psycho-villain-like. they have a big fight. she's getting her ass kicked. suddenly... the dude who we thought was shot appears! he has a super kung-fu fight with ll cool j (SO in cool j's contract)! they both fall down a flight of stairs! cool j regains consciousness first! he pulls himself up!

BAM! chick hits him on the head with a fire extinguisher. her and now-conscious dude sit down. he was wearing a vest!! and they compare notes.

dude: it was him all along i knew it!
chick: totally!! also i did this thing where i can figure out who the killer was via a fluorescent powder that should be on the real killer's hands. i'm just going to confirm it was him for no reason right no!
dude: word

so she goes over and shines the UV light on cool j's hands and OMG IT WASN'T HIM! she spins around and dude has his hand up in this totally unnatural position and it's glowing! it was DUDE!!!

dude: i totally tricked you into killing ll cool j!!

they have a big fight involving underwater bullets. chick wins. ll cool j shows up. he's alive and ok. they put their arms around each other and wait for the helicopter. the end.

OK SO WHY DID LL COOL J SHOOT DUDE AND THEN ACT IN A VERY TYPICALLY EVIL VILLAINISH WAY TO THE POINT OF PURSUING CHICK AND KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF HER AND PRETENDING HE WAS THE BAD GUY?

worst executed twist ever!

*** END SPOILERS ***

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

cue SHARK ATTACK

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I would have predicted that Christian Slater was really the evil guy.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

There can be two evil people on one team of Mindhunters, get over it!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the title of this movie is a cry for help from the screenwriters.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

that's what i thought they'd do but

*** MORE SPOILERS ***

he dies really early. obv he didn't want to spend too much time on this movie. also he dies in a way that absolutely precludes him coming back (he gets frozen with liquid nitrogen and his whole body shatters, it's actually kinda awesome)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

so it gets down to this chick, this dude, and ll cool j on the island.

LL Cool J: not chick, not dude, but something else.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

the only person whose name i remembered!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

who was dude??>

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasn't it Trainspotting guy Johnny Lee Miller?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

how the hell did you know that?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw the PREVIEW!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

you, sir, are a mindhunter.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

PROFILER

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

MEDIUM!

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm actually a hindmunter.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

that sounds vaguely british.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

GAH I READ THE SPOILER I HATE MYSELF NOW I WON'T SEE MINDHUNTERS IN THE THEATRE.

fuck, I really wanted to see "Mindhunters" in the theatre. Not that I'd remember to in time.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

it's really gotta be seen on the big screen

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks slocki - I didn't have enough interest to see this in the theater and now I don't have to!

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, and if you saw Hide and Seek, please email me and tell me what happened.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

miccio, i gotta say, i'd be sorry but how did you miss the spoiler warning?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 13 May 2005 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i can't believe i spent so much time writing that synopsis. i definitely put more effort into it than went into the actual review.

reading it now, when i'm not at work and going crazy, it does seem kind of deranged.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 13 May 2005 01:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the title of this movie is a cry for help from the screenwriters.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), May 12th, 2005 4:50 PM. (Alex in SF)

rofflestilskin

― Amon (eman), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

haha I totally saw the warning it's just hard to resist. Note I was yelling at myself.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Did anyone else see the preview for this movie like TWO YEARS AGO? I know I did.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 13 May 2005 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Originally set for a domestic theatrical release in 2003 and then early 2004; the film was pushed back again to 4 June 2004 secondary to numerous positive test screenings to facilitate an improved marketing campaign that included new theatrical posters and an official website. After Dimension Films and Miramax sustained two massive waves of layoffs, the film languished in the studio's vault in limbo for a sustained period of time, practically forgotten.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 13 May 2005 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

"Shot entirely in the Netherlands, the production went to great lengths to find a malevolent and potentially dangerous ghetto for certain sequences."

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 13 May 2005 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

yes!! it's been on the shelf forever. i guess they were waiting for star wars to come out so they could SHUT IT DOWN!! see ya later george!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 13 May 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm totally going to write a book on the film of renny harlin.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 14 May 2005 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

films

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 14 May 2005 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 14 May 2005 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

wow...

― charleston charge (chaki), Monday, 16 May 2005 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

eight months pass...

I just rented this. Probably the worst acting of LL's career to date, but I was enjoying it on a breezy level until the twists. For some I didn't remember there being more after LL's "Saaaraaa...Saaarraa..." so it was a bit of a surprise to me. During the fight between LL and the presumed-dead guy I was reminded of an MST3K joke: "that move really requires the assistance of the flippee."

When did the guy find the time to set up all the dominoes? The night before?

― Zwan (miccio), Friday, 20 January 2006 01:29 (twenty years ago)

I was really excited to see a movie that starred Christian Slater and Val Kilmer, so their relative lack of screen time was kinda disappointing.

― Zwan (miccio), Friday, 20 January 2006 01:30 (twenty years ago)

eleven years pass...

the mindhunter looks like macron

― ||||||||, Saturday, 14 October 2017 16:45 (eight years ago)

there is often a very thin line between mediocre actor types/slimeball centrist merchant banker types, but yeah, there is a definite physical likeness as well.

― calzino, Saturday, 14 October 2017 16:59 (eight years ago)

Anyone watched the new Netflix show? The guy who plays Ed Kemper is amazingly convincing and creepy.

― The Marmadook (latebloomer), Sunday, 15 October 2017 02:46 (eight years ago)

the casting is pretty good throughout so far

― ||||||||, Sunday, 15 October 2017 06:55 (eight years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.