This Is the Thread Where We Invent New Instances of Moral Panic Along the Lines of This Week's One on Happyslapping

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

I suggest:

Rollickingbollocking

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 13 May 2005 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

lunchingpunching

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Friday, 13 May 2005 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Liftshining - you enter the elevator in yr tower block only to find the local riffraff have completely filled it with blood.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 13 May 2005 10:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Your magpie eyes are hungry for the Turner Prize

― $V£N! (blueski), Friday, 13 May 2005 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Gorgeous Bodily Harm

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 13 May 2005 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Speedplumping - scallywags off of The Estate exacerbate the nannystate outrage of traffic calming measures by replacing the sleeping policemen with huge black pillows which swallow your car as you drive over them.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Sitting Shitting - taking a dump onto bench-sitters from a 4th storey window and getting your friend to make a court-drawing style skecth of the act.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Straight On Straight Gaying

― $V£N! (blueski), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Joylawabiding - Callow youths go about their day-to-day lives without causing harm or offence to anyone while maintaining a cheeky smirk that convinces you they're Up To Something.

― robster (robster), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Mashflobbing - this involves groups of people congregating at certain locations disclosed at short notice via online message boards, and spitting mashed potato at each other whilst passers by stand around, agog.

― $V£N! (blueski), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Blockrocking - churning out substandard chart techno while thinking it's cool to look like the bloke in a wheelchair from Little Britain.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Balkan Baulking - swarthy immigrant types from the Council Flats strategically arrange themselves in groups of five or ten to prevent the sensors on the exit from your gated community operating correctly, leaving you trapped, unable to drive your Mercedes the 120 yards to Waitrose.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Carrying a ladder with intent to cause slapstick

― NickB (NickB), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronanal - what loveable Irish rogues really get up to when they're "peeing" in the "bushes".

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Beetagging - the distinctly cruel pursuit of spraying your hip-hop alias in paint on bees as they drone past innocently.

― $V£N! (blueski), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I might buy the Guardian tomorrow to see how much of this thread appears in it.

― robster (robster), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Taxibashing - Gangs of youths have begun roaming the streets, surreptitiously jumping on and beating the shit out of solitary minicabs. We caught these two teenagers on camera repeatedly banging the bonnet of this T-reg Corrolla with their own increasingly bloodied heads. Do you know them? Have you seen them? If so please give us a call.

― $V£N! (blueski), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Mongol Charioteering - commandeering two of those little motorised wagons that old people ride around in and steering them round erratically with the occupants still in them, taunting them with fictionalised claims about the cat food not being on offer in Sainsbury's any more. First one to cause a heart attack wins.

― M Philip O'Nyman (Ferg), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Doubleglazing - Kids disgusise themselves as tycoons using false beards, buy controlling shares in premiership football clubs and sell their mates exclusive rights to video games on their phones.

― robster (robster), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Asylum seeking - hordes of swarthy men and women with unpronounceable names from unpronounceable places pretend they and their family's lives are in mortal danger in order to come to Britain to live on £55 a week dole money or work for £2 an hour picking potatoes in East Anglia, just so they can fall ill and contract MRSA from OUR National Health Service

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 13 May 2005 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Graperaping - the clue's in the name.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 13 May 2005 12:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Life-affirming Knifing

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 13 May 2005 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

piss walking- youths stand around only able to walk while they are peeing. Already taking off in Bolton
postmanhandling-youths seize a postman, nock him out with chloroform, and lie him on a park bench They then split into groups and deliver the mail, the first group to win gets to throw water on said postman to wake him up. An import from Macedonia
(a great post clubbing treat)

― lukey (Lukey G), Friday, 13 May 2005 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Nowalaters - kidnapping passersby and chunking them into a vat of taffy

― That's not cocaine! It's Ian Riese-Moraine! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 14 May 2005 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

mashflobbing! ace

boyscouting - innocent old people are escorted safely across road by youngsters WITHOUT WARNING

gumchewers - people who chew gum WITHOUT PERMISSION

smoking - etc

― ja (_ja_), Saturday, 14 May 2005 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

catting - people meet up in car parks to watch other people pet their cats. and then shag.

― ja (_ja_), Saturday, 14 May 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Flappybapping - assault with a voluminous pair of boobs.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 14 May 2005 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.