Things that you're not sure you should hear whhen getting in a taxi

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1)
Driver "have you fastened your seatbelt?"
me "yes"
Driver "OK, then let's fly"

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 22:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I must admit, I was a little scared, then he proceeded to drive to my house slower than anyone has ever done before

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"Da?"

(last time I heard it, I was immediately propelled through central Moscow at ONE ~~MILLION DOLLARS~~ HUNDRED MILES AN HOUR, no joke. Once was enough)

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on - isn't it May 18th?

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"Fuckin junkies, they should all be killed. Hey, did you know I used to be a coke addict? I was banned from every single pub in Melbourne! *insane laughter, increase of speed*"

Uhhh... help!?

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

My last San Francisco cab ride had these nuggets (he was a Russian):

"These Chinese are all goddamn monkeys, every one of them!!"

AND:

"There otta be a law about woman drivers! They cannot goddamn drive!!" (There was a woman in the cab.)

And lots of other swearing and berating anyone who happened to be on the road.

― andy --, Tuesday, 17 May 2005 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh then there was the time my driver was complaining his back to base job reporting computer doohickey was broken, and sending out the police distress signal all the time when it wasnt meant to. Heh, whoops I thought, until the guy proceeded to complain "maybe the wiring is loose" and took BOTH HANDS off the steering wheel to try and "adjust" the serial cable on the unit. While driving down a 6 lane avenue at 60kph.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

(getting into cab in east village)

Me: JFK?
(long pause, then garbled nearly incomprehensible accent)
Cab Driver: ... where?

― milton parker (Jon L), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"420 bro, smoke 'em if you got 'em"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I haven't actually heard that, but it would be funny.

Also, "Does this look infected to you?"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Cab picked up at 2 o'clock in the morning outside a club: "I'm fuckin' knackered, I've been on since 6 yesterday morning."

I fastened my seatbelt.

― TV's Mr Noodle Vague (noodle vague), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 07:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Taxi driver: What do you do?
Me: I write for a magazine.
Driver: Do you write about music?
Me: No, though I have done in the past.
Driver: Here, you should write a review of this - my son's in a band. I'll play you some of their stuff. [Inserts CD of mediocre 3-guitars-and-a-drumkit shouty bedroom rock]
Me [sotto voce]: Fuck.

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

From the stereo: ...we'll guard Old Derry's walls

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 08:47 (twenty-one years ago)

To which the correct response is to sing a quick chorus of "The Pants My Father Wore". Sample lyric: "They were slack and they were paisley..."

― TV's Mr Noodle Vague (noodle vague), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"man, there's so much fuckin' pussy on the streets right now...(sticks head out of window and yells) HEY LADIES! WE'RE GOIN' TO A PAAAAARTY!"

― joseph (joseph), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

st petersburg.........in a bmw* (?!), dude is on the phone

"hey that was my friends, they said i am too kind because i told them not to kill this guy that owes me money. do you think i am too kind? i should have had him killed, right?"

"............."

"hey im like michael schumacher, yeah!"

(depserate to humour maniac) "er yeah just like michael schumacher)

proceeds to swap to opposite lane and drive down at 60 weving past incoming traffic.

thanks dude, that was 60 roubles well spent.

*in russia every car is a taxi

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, Onimo, was that when you were in Paisley? I seem to get that dude every other Sunday.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"Mind the sick."

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Mind wiping up that jizz in the back seat for me? I'd do it myself but you don't look like a big tipper.

― yoyoyo, Thursday, 19 May 2005 03:50 (twenty-one years ago)

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