can you 'steal' a friend?

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inspired by listening to LBC today, they were talking about people who's friends 'stole' other friends of theirs, sometimes to the extent that the two new friends would exclude the friend that effectively brought them together (one woman phoned in to say that two friends of hers started going out without her and she assumed and perhaps found out that they were talking about her behind her back and found this whole process quite hurtful and a form of betrayal). can you actually 'steal' a friend? surely, its like cheating on a partner in a way - if two people wanna be friends, they wanna be friends. you cant stop that.

― blahbarianthefirst, Friday, 20 May 2005 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)

You've never been eight?

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 20 May 2005 09:44 (twenty-one years ago)

There's sometimes an element of jealousy or envy amongst good friends, when perhaps you can feel slightly left out when others share more in common. But I think the idea of stealing friends completely is either immature or just rubbish.

xpost

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 20 May 2005 09:44 (twenty-one years ago)

but evidently, people DO feel like their friend has been 'stolen'. or rather, that one friend of theirs is perhaps trying to 'poach' friends from their circle to leave them in the dark, which cant feel particularly nice.

― blahbarianthefirst, Friday, 20 May 2005 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

It's never nice to feel left out.

Generally, I'm really happy when people I introduce end up getting along really well. I feel reaffirmed that I have great friends when people I like end up liking each other as well, like I'm part of something. Sometimes I feel like the only thing you really *can* judge people by is their choice of friends.

But what sucks is when you start to feel *excluded* by two people getting along with each other better than they get along with you. Three is an awkward number for an activity sometimes, while two or four is a good number because sets can pairbond.

― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Friday, 20 May 2005 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

even when i was at uni this sort of thing happened, (watch out this will be nasty) generally among women. i've parted company with most of my uni friends but i think they still basically do this sort of thing.

― N_Rq, Friday, 20 May 2005 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I love introducing friends to each other, especially if they come from completely different periods of my life. I always want them to get on, and sometimes I think they will, but it's kind of fun to put two very disparate people together and see either weirdness as they try to figure each other out, or sparks flying. Especially when all they have in common is that they know me.

Um, that isn't really answering the question...yeah, you can steal friends, but it does't happen to me very much and I assume (rightly or wrongly) that post-primary school it is less frequent.

― The Lex (The Lex), Friday, 20 May 2005 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

People don't "steal" friends, do they? I mean, it's not like there's an upper limit on how many friends you're allowed at one time.

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Friday, 20 May 2005 09:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Three is an awkward number for an activity sometimes

so otm, and something which has been causing a few headaches in my circle of chums lately.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 20 May 2005 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

this happened to me at high school. two of my best friends found they had quite a lot in common, well likely more then they had in common with me, and they ended up doing loads of things together without me. i cant lie, at the time, i did see it as friend stealing. i dont really hold that view anymore, although im still a bit pissed off about it.

― blahbarianthefirst, Friday, 20 May 2005 10:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I think when it happens it's often unconscious on their part, and is the risk you run for having fabulous friends really. It's not as weird as when two of your friends get together romantically.

― The Lex (The Lex), Friday, 20 May 2005 10:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah! Just as Nicole, Lindsay Lohan stole Paris from her!

― nathalie's baby (stevie nixed), Friday, 20 May 2005 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

what's even weirder and dudder: when someone who doesn't like you starts chumming up to your acquaintances/ex-friends as a kind of power grab. (i've seen this happen too many times to write it off as coincidence.)

― cindy williams permafrost (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 20 May 2005 10:22 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah that's pretty dud. recently someone I don't really get along with whom I was friends with has been super ott nice to my girlfriend, in a really manic and weird way to the extent that gf mentioned it to me, while cold shouldering me. like something a child would do!

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 20 May 2005 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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