life suddenly changing far too fast in far too many directions for you to keep up with it...

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after years of relative stasis, these last couple of months bring me: a full-blown capital-R Relationship, a serious family crisis, a graduation, a chance to spend a year in another country, and more work (and more *kinds* of work, and less time to do it in) than possibly ever before. sunday was probably the best day of my life - today i feel like shit. if they were allowed to exist in some sort of reasonable isolation from one another, (most of) these are the kind of events i felt would bring clarity and perspective and Meaning etc. to my life, but like this they're just plain overwhelming. and confusing. it's harder than ever to figure out my motivations (which are pretty inscrutable in the steadiest of times).

i don't know what i want from this thread really (most not-immediately-obvious and follow-able advice would require further specifics i'm guessing), i suppose i don't have a livejournal and just felt the need to get this out. please relate whatever you can, though.

― jermaine (jnoble), Monday, 30 May 2005 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Just keep on dancing. There are never any completely right answers, only some that feel better than others.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 30 May 2005 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

You sound young jermaine - if so, welcome to life is all I can say :/ Its always like this. Some days are great, then suddenly everything is shit. Sometimes you're drowning. I dont know if I've ever had a clear run of easy happy times for long.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 30 May 2005 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i spose 23 is young - if i sound a lot less than that it's because i've lived most of my life as a lot less than that. i appreciate the welcome, Trayce, and in some ways you're very right that this is sort of a late iniation period into real world madness. but parts of it extend beyond that i think, at least in their personal unexpectedness and often surprising overlap, with all kinds of accompanying peripheral weirdness (quasi-group therapy sessions with family members? waking up in a parent-populated living room after a night of passion?)

― jermaine (jnoble), Monday, 30 May 2005 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah sorry I didnt mean to sound so jaded and cynical, heh.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 30 May 2005 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i spose 23 is young - if i sound a lot less than that it's because i've lived most of my life as a lot less than that.

This a very good line!

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 30 May 2005 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah it is :) And ironically shows you have a lot more maturity than some other people I've known ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 30 May 2005 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

hi anonymous ilx therapy! this is getting worse i think, or at least i'm not dealing with it very well - lately i feel very isolated from my own reasoning. i've been experiencing this desire to do something stupidly self-destructive, just to sort of put a punctuation mark on my life, to do something i feel i have control over. i've been behaving in passive aggressive ways to the people that matter most to me. driving home the other night, i just started shouting "fuck!" (at myself i suppose), for reasons i couldn't articulate - then, or now. i don't know if the pseudo-psychology i relentlessly apply to myself is at all valid, or just another way of telling myself i'm confronting problems that's i'm actually not confronting at all. then i realize that even THAT's a fresh load of pseudo-cod too, and then i just want to go to sleep.

― jermaine (jnoble), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

pseudo-psych i mean. or cod-psyche. i wasn't talking about fake fish.

― jermaine (jnoble), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Lashing out at people may drive them away and therefore reduce some of the stimulation and complexity in your life, though you will likely regret it later. Can you take some time to yourself? Sort out and quantify what you can actually deal with and move on that, rather than being overwhelmed by the intimidating scope of all of it at once.

― Laura H. (laurah), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 19:22 (twenty years ago)

But aren't the things happening--other than the family crisis-- good things? Life never stablizes, that's for sure. You can never relish anything in a vaccuum.

― carbon (carbon), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 22:55 (twenty years ago)

vacuum

― carbon (carbon), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I think Laura makes sense there re: the "Can you take some time to yourself?" question. I think what you need is to, mentally at least, take a step back from what's going on in your life, rationally examine everything, give yourself a little mental spanking for being self-destructive, and find out why it is that you're behaving in the manner you're behaving. Is it because you feel you don't deserve all that has happened to you recently? It sounds like it could be. Or it could just be that you're so used to living a life of Nothing Special that when a whole lot of Something Special happens, it paradoxically disappoints you much more than your life of Nothing Special ever did. It's the big comedown after the big high, and it's not all that uncommon. Maybe by taking a step back, rationally taking an inventory of what's going on in your life, and seeing all that is good about your life will help save you from continuing on this self-destructive path. Also, I would think you'd be well served by not beating yourself up or by trying to build your self-esteem up.

― The Kind and Benevolent Oracle of Dee (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 21 July 2005 01:07 (twenty years ago)

And I know I just said to not beat yourself up after I told you to "give yourself a little mental spanking for being self-destructive", but... the mental spanking? Think of that as your last bit of negativity, your chance to rid yourself of your need to be really ugly toward your own self. Get it over and done with with one last gasp and then progress forth with a New Attitude Of Positivity! You never know -- it might work better than you could ever imagine!

― The Kind and Benevolent Oracle of Dee (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 21 July 2005 01:10 (twenty years ago)

(Ha ha ha. I sound like Tony Robbins there, don't I? Oops. Sorry. But... hey... well... so....)

― The Kind and Benevolent Oracle of Dee (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 21 July 2005 01:11 (twenty years ago)

When the wind blows
The corn rows
Are flat against the ground
But the oak tree
So surely
Has blown right down

― Rum, Sodomy and the LAN (kate), Thursday, 21 July 2005 07:26 (twenty years ago)

Separating what you want from what others want for you is a good idea, difficult as it is. Work out what's making you angry. Deal with that by any means necessary, remembering it's better to turn it out than turn it in on yourself. Be alone as much as you need to. Try and breathe right. Too much movement is distressing, find your own ways to get still.

― Anti-Pope Consortium (noodle vague), Thursday, 21 July 2005 07:53 (twenty years ago)

Take a bit of advice and stay away from the old white train.

― Boring Satanic Space Jazz (sexyDancer), Thursday, 21 July 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

Read crime novels. I'm serious. Pelecanos, Elmore Leonard, Lee Child. Whatever their literary merit, reading about macho detectives from inside their brains is very educational. First of all, you begin to notice what's not on their minds, which is all the useless shit you and I fill our brains with every day. Usually they're thinking about what they're going to do. And how they're going to do it. They're making plans. From the next meal to the next relationship. They don't watch much TV, they work out. They have a mental check list and do one thing at a time. They take time to talk to friends and family, and to enjoy life. But they take comfort in doing a job well, and sleep well at night.

Another thing: You're 23. That's not too young, but I know what 23 is like. If I could talk to my 23-year-old self, I would say this family crisis takes priority. If you're really in love, the person can wait. If you're talking about job opportunities, those will come again. The year abroad can wait, too. When I was 23, I didn't think my family came first, and I wish I'd spent more time with them then.

Last thing. And some will laugh at this. Read "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." It's an easy read, a cheap book. I disagree with a lot of it. But it's mostly basic, common sense ways to stay sane. I find it therepeutic just to read it. Good luck.

― Pete Scholtes, Thursday, 21 July 2005 21:25 (twenty years ago)

so THAT'S why my husband reads those (and survives his high-powered job and sleeps blissfully, night after night). well articulated, pete

― mrs, Thursday, 21 July 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

my pops only reads "tough guy" crime novels and he's worked like 100 hrs a week for decades.

― Boring Satanic Space Jazz (sexyDancer), Thursday, 21 July 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

I've been feeling this a lot recently, just what seems to be this incredible rapid burst of change in all sorts of ways, good, bad and pretty terrible. On the train home today I started thinking about everything that's happened recently and got this feeling that this just didn't feel like my life any more, like I was looking in on someone else. But I suppose that's understandable right now...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 21 July 2005 21:41 (twenty years ago)

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