Merely dating somebody you're not really attracted to just to get practice

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...after a long dateless interlude for whatever reason.
I think it's always wrong to lead someone on in this way, but friends are encouraging me to go ahead. Does it make any difference that she asked me first?

― Bnad, Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

don't do it!!!!

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah unless you're trying to get practice in being an asshole.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

it's always wrong to lead someone on in this way

Yes. Yes it is. I dunno, though --- If it's just casual dating, though, as opposed to getting into a full-blown relationship, I don't see how it's unlike what the rest of the world does.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Dating has a sneaky habit of turning into relationships. At least for some people. Like me. I wouldn't mess with it if you're not genuinely interested, nu uh.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

whatever dude, get some while the gettin's good

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

(That said, I've been pressured into this very situation, countless times, and I always decline. First I need a reason to give a shit, ya know?)

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Depends on how you define "dating"..

if it means "getting some", and there are no strings attached either way and it's mutual and all, then hstencil otm.

it if means relationship, I can't imagine a worse way to hone your skills at being a better partner than to PRETEND to be a partner to someone you don't really want to be a partner with.

That's like saying you want to be a better sex performer by practicing with a dildo or pocket pussy.

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, I think toys are important, but they are NOT a substitute.

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually that's a terrible analogy.. unless you can magically give toys emotions and feelings.

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

You can, but you'll pay more.

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I've done this several times and it's really stupid.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, you need practice buying dinner for people? If so, I'm willing to help you out.

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think there's anything wrong with a date or two. You never know -- you might actually discover that you are more interested in them than you thought. But make sure that if nothing changes in your feelings, you put a clear stop to things before you really do start to lead her on

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah jeez, I used to be the king of this. Somebody would like me, I'd have nothing else going on, and would think "well, I should at least try it, the experience will be good for me and maybe I'll grow to like her more" and blah blah blah. It ALWAYS ended in tears (on their part) and feeling like a cold heartless bastard (on mine). And probably did my relationship skills more harm than good, ulitmately. I wouldn't recommend it.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

i've felt once or twice that i was on the ahem "receiving" end of this sort of thing.

i think this is theoretically a bad idea, but who is ever entirely certain why they do or don't date someone? this sort of thing happens all the time with differing degrees of self-awareness. i think it's pretty natural to be curious about someone who shows interest in you.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

unless you get lots and lots of propositions, of course. which happens. just not to me or most of the people i know.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

i'll go hang myself now.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"Merely dating somebody you're not really attracted to just to get practice" is just so many forms of wrong, I don't even know where to start.

Dating people who you don't quite feel a connection with yet while having the conviction to both take rejection and deal out rejection diligently and politely is not a crime, however. That's just dating. If that's what "Bnad" originally meant, then cool. As long as you try hard to avoid setting your date or yourself up for emotional distress when you know better and can make a preemptive move to avoid it if things don't work out, that is..

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Bad idea, but very hard to resist sometimes when someone fancies you...until you see their unshaved legs and your friend comments that she looks like your mother...

― On the bass, 57 7th, he wrote this (calstars), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I went home from a party with someone who I didn't immediately feel that attracted to, and I ended up falling in love, and it's been 3 and a half years now.

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe I should refocus things here -- you're saying dating someone "just to get 'practice'". Putting it that way suggests that you need "practice" -- that you haven't been dating much or at all. If you haven't dated anyone for a long time, then it's possible that you're putting up barriers that are preventing you from getting to know someone better. If that's the case, then I think it's not a bad idea to go on dates with someone you're not sure about. Of course, if they're just completely 100% unappealing to you, then you shouldn't lead them on.

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 00:17 (twenty-one years ago)

who the fuck "practices" dating? how exactly does that work?

this thread is only relevant if it refers to getting laid. and in that case, practice can make a better lay.

― don weiner (don weiner), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

if you think you might become attracted to her over time, might as well give it a date or two. if you don't think so, there's no good reason to put on a charade, that would just be mean.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 00:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i can't imagine going on a date with someone i didn't find attractive in some way.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 01:19 (twenty-one years ago)

don OTM. It's like you're practicing 'feeling' something for someone, so that when the real thing comes along, you have practice in 'feeling?' That's not how it works, methinks.

― On the bass, 57 7th, he wrote this (calstars), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 02:00 (twenty-one years ago)

also what about the poor practicee? do you get their consent up front? "sure i'd love to go for a drink with you, but i probably should tell you that i'm not attracted to you, i'm just doing a little rehearsal for when someone i actually like and fancy comes along"

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 02:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"sure i'd love to go for a drink with you, but i probably should tell you that i'm not attracted to you, i'm just doing a little rehearsal for when someone i actually like and fancy comes along"

This makes for a great line with which to dump somebody who's a horrible jerk, however.

― donut debonair (donut), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, but I think some of you guys are being over sensitive. It's just a fucking date. Do you get your heart broken every time a date doesn't lead to something more?

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i believe once you are on this date all these ilx answers will fail into insignificance and whatever will be, will be.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 12:26 (twenty-one years ago)

'fall'. bah!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 12:27 (twenty-one years ago)

what if you do this just for 'practice' but then end up really liking the person youre with? whats wrong with that?

― blahbariantheoriginal, Wednesday, 1 June 2005 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

It's Just Lunch!

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

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