"If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."

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If it's green, your intestine's clean.
If it's red, you'll soon be dead.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:36 (eighteen years ago) link

care to share the um, non-lost stanzas?

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:37 (eighteen years ago) link

He already did!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:38 (eighteen years ago) link

oh, that's it? i thought there might be more.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:39 (eighteen years ago) link

"If it's blue, it's not really poo."

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:39 (eighteen years ago) link

"If it's orange/Oh shit"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:40 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's pink, it's gonna stink
if it's orange, nothing rhymes with orange. or silver.

xpost DAMN YOU

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:41 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's blue and it hurts, stop eating whole live smurfs.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:43 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's purple, then you're Richard Gere and you shouldn't have done that with that gerbil.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:45 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's fragrant, you're a vagrant
if it's damp, you're a tramp.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:45 (eighteen years ago) link

"If it's orange, lay off the haliborange!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:46 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's maroon, clean your poon!

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:46 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's striped, you're a biped.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:47 (eighteen years ago) link

If it was puce, it musta been loose.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:47 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's grey, don't eat all day
if's it spotty, wash your botty.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:48 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's magenta, you've been eating placenta.
If it's black, send it back.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:48 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's chartreuse, call the six o'clock news.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:49 (eighteen years ago) link

IF it's a mongoose, you're a moose.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:49 (eighteen years ago) link

If it should speak, it is not a leak.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:50 (eighteen years ago) link

if you smile, sit a while
if you yelp, get medical help

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:52 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's cyan, you da man.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:52 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's verdigris, you've got burger in your pee.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Some folk were opening up the clubhouse of the rugby club after the close season had finished, prior to opening up properly, to tidy up and that. Anyway, one of them found a squirrel, dead and decomposed, in the toilet bowl, and exclaimed "WHO'S ATE THIS!!??"

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:53 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's onerous, it'll be odorous.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:54 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's rainbow-hued, then you're a diverse kind of dude.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:55 (eighteen years ago) link

If it looks like squirrel, give the bowl a whirl.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:55 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's Pantone #3472, good for you.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:56 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's black and white, get a new bunghole, this isn't the 1950s ffs

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:57 (eighteen years ago) link

If it hollers, cut out the nightcrawlers (from your diet).

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:57 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's scarlet, you're a harlot
If it's crimson, it was bad dim sum
If it's teal, watch it congeal
If it's plaid, your shit is rad

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:58 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's aquamarine...just call it green.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:59 (eighteen years ago) link

If it looks like art, who knows maybe you're karen findley or something.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:59 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's a table, no look closer that's physically unable
No you fool, it's more a stool.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:01 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's paisley, that shit is crazy.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:04 (eighteen years ago) link

If you dealt it, be prepared to have smelt it.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:06 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's magenta, someone dosed your polenta

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:07 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's white, it's 80s dog shite (doesn't scan well, but nm)

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:08 (eighteen years ago) link

lock thread.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:09 (eighteen years ago) link

(actually according to a certain girl scout camp, "if it's green, don't let it be seen.")

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Well, they would know.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:10 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's tweedy, lay off the Wheaties

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:11 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's violet, you will revile it.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:12 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's a green log, you really did ingest the crazy frog

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:13 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's maroon, you're a cartoon.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:19 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's ecru, it's not poopoo.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:21 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's tartan, there'll be fartin'

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:24 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's gold, it should be sold
If it's bronze, you poo like the Fonz
If it's copper, for style points you are the Big Bopper.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:25 (eighteen years ago) link

If it sparkles, it once was charcoal (tightasses only)

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:25 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's stripey, wipey, wipey

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:27 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's irridescent, it won't smell very pleasant

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 14:28 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 52 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

i cannot believe i haven't been on this thread yet

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Accentmonkey wins!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:00 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's semi-solid, i find it rather squalid

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:00 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's vivid violet, better change your diet.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:03 (eighteen years ago) link

if it's pink and mushy, you've been eating pussy

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:06 (eighteen years ago) link

If it took a quick glance, and back inside curled,
you'll have to admit this: it's a cold world.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:09 (eighteen years ago) link

when it's radioactive, it's really not attactive

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:10 (eighteen years ago) link

if it smells like biryani, you won't be getting any

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:12 (eighteen years ago) link

if it looks like vindaloo, maybe it's just deja vu.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:13 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's teal, reconsider your last meal.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:34 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's teal, reconsider your last meal.
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 8:40 AM. (later)

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:37 (eighteen years ago) link

IT'S THE CHORUS!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:38 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's lavender, get new provender

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:38 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's navy, quit eating babies.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:39 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's teal, you've broken a seal

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:39 (eighteen years ago) link

IT'S THE CHORUS!

Someone should totally set this thread to music. Billy Bragg, I think.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:39 (eighteen years ago) link

If it glimmers, flush those swimmers

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:40 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's the colour of money, don't try to spend it, honey.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:41 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's cherry, dysentery!

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:41 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's speckled, you'll be heckled.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:43 (eighteen years ago) link

If it bleeds, it breeds.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

SO WRONG!!!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

If it makes you shudder, call your Mudder

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

You guys are, like, the grand wizards of rhyming poop jokes. Whoda thunk it?

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's quince, you're bound to wince

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:45 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's Granny Smith Apple, what a crapple!

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:46 (eighteen years ago) link

if it floats, sell it as boats!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:46 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's hyacinth, quit eating hyacinths.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:48 (eighteen years ago) link

If it steams, turn off your high-beams!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:48 (eighteen years ago) link

If it oozes, it's Ini Kamooze's!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Borborygmic Hilarity

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:51 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's clear, though, you're my hero!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 15:57 (eighteen years ago) link

This is reminding me of the oh so lovely sign you see in some office ladies loos:
If you sprinkle
While you tinkle
Be a sweetie
Wipe the seatie!
God, just put a furry cover on the toilet lid and a frilly dolly cover over the spare roll and be fucking done with it already.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 7:06 PM.

trayce i always thought that sign was directed at men. how is it even possible for a girl to sprinkle on the seatie?

― sunny successor (katharine), Thursday, 9 June 2005 16:01 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's gooey, avoid the ratatouille

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 16:11 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's cerulean, please don't clue me in

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 16:21 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's louche, LYSOL DOUCHE!!!

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 16:29 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's over-articulated, you've been eating Rob Liefeld!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 16:32 (eighteen years ago) link

If it whistles, flush those shizzles.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:17 (eighteen years ago) link

If it bubbles, Ai! The troubles!

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:25 (eighteen years ago) link

If it should sing, clean your ring!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:27 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's slurry, time to worry

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:42 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's maize, you'll stink for days.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:46 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's Periwinkle, you'll find it painful to tinkle

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:50 (eighteen years ago) link

If it's ebony, it's all that's left of me.

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:52 (eighteen years ago) link

That last one sounds like it could be a Donny Hathaway lyric.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:48 (eighteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Londoners Advised Not to Flush

June 29, 2005 3:03 p.m. EST

Christina Ficara - All Headline News Staff Reporter

London, England (AHN) - In response to threatening water shortage reports, Mayor Ken Livingstone suggests residents not "flush the lavatory if you have just had a pee."

The water shortage facing the south of England forced Livingstone to take dramatic action to avert a crisis and address the situation.

At a press conference at City Hall, Livingstone suggested, "The quickest and most dramatic impact is, don't use a sprinkler or hose in the garden, don't use a hose to wash your car and don't flush the lavatory if you have just had a pee."

According to Livingstone, the measure would be a matter of personal choice, admitting he had changed his own behavior.

― dahlin (dahlin), Thursday, 30 June 2005 07:51 (eighteen years ago) link

go kenny!

― dahlin (dahlin), Thursday, 30 June 2005 08:01 (eighteen years ago) link

three months pass...

Wait, wait, here we go:

If it's yellow,
let it mellow;
if it's brown,
flush it down.
If it's runny,
THAT'S NOT FUNNY--
eat some fiber,
you wet-ass clown!

If it's rock-like,
be all Spock-like:
it's logical
to eat more fruit.
If it's noisy,
call your boys, G!
They will laugh
at every toot.

If it's stringy,
check your thingy
for colonic
parasites:
creepy tapeworms,
anal gapeworms,
wriggling butt-germs
that's not right!

If it's tiny,
lube your hiney;
maybe that'll
stretch it out.
If it's giant,
hope you're pliant!
Don't let neighbors
hear you shout.

But if it's poopy,
not too goopy,
pat yourself
right on the back.
Shut your hole and
flush the bowl and
don't forget
to wipe your crack!

― criscothingy, Tuesday, 25 October 2005 11:29 (eighteen years ago) link

LYSOL DOUCHE

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 25 October 2005 12:46 (eighteen years ago) link

A couple years ago over the holidays the toilet broke as my brother tried to flush it, so he came in to warn everybody not to use it until he could get to home depot to buy some part to fix it. He just walked into the room and looked at me and said

"If it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown... um... let it mellow."

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 25 October 2005 15:13 (eighteen years ago) link

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"If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." - The Lost Stanzas