Refusing to Take Antidepressants

do you have other reasons for not wanting to be on meds?

If you really didn't want to get better, then that's your choice, but I don't think you'd be posting this here if you didn't.

There are a great many things in life which can make you feel numb, listless and depressed. If these feelings arise out of events and experiences that normally are difficult to cope with (death, divorce, alienation etc.) then it makes a fair amount of sense to alter this state of affairs by talking things over with a therapist, changing your habits, facing your grief, or something along those lines - yer basic problem-solving approach.

If, however, your depression seems weakly linked to outside events or experiences and the majority of your objective difficulties in life (can't concentrate, feel like a failure, barely coping, drinking too much in an effort to self-medicate) seem to arise as secondary effects of your depression rather than as primary causes, then SSRIs are probably the only effective way to deal with this condition - dodgy as they may be. In that case, I say take your medicine like an adult.

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor; you shouldn't rely on untrained advice, and so on.

The phrase "take your medicine" really squicks me - it reminds me of some fifties movie.

This is completely right, actually, and is a good sign that you're headed in a good direction. SSRIs are nothing more than a way of lifting your mood enough for you to want to change things, no doctor would say anything differently. This should only be necessary when you're really at a super low point and slitting wrists, etc. But of course the first thing they always tell you is "How about some antidepressants?" to make sure they don't end up with a suicide or something. With the kind of logic and thinking you've got there, it sounds like you know the solution- talking things out.

These things are situational, and you simply need to change the situation you're in--depression is irrational, but at the same time not completely random. There are reasons, and the solution isn't to drug yourself but to figure these things out. If you don't feel like you need the drugs to help think about things, then no doctor or anyone can force them on you. If you feel like you need more factual backup, cite the mounting evidence that they end up increasing depression in most cases, and many people commit suicide right after going off of them.

If you don't like the idea of CBT, and want to talk to someone about the issues you have in a more open-ended way ("force them into your private hell") then why not ask if you can be referred to a counsellor?

For some depression is a result of chemical imbalances and foregoing anti-depressants is not an option.

It's hard to get to see an actual psychiatrist (not that they're necessarily all that great anyway).

I don't know about in the UK but I've always trusted prescriptions from a pyschitraist more than a general doctor b/c they have had that extra training and specialization. They do understand what they're dealing with better. The only times I've let general physicans prescribe pyschotropic meds have been complete disasters.

Best wishes anyway, loggedout, whoever you are.

But, a few months ago, I, strangely, changed my mind and figured, why the fuck not? Maybe I just got desperate, and I guess it was also because my anxiety was beginning to create physical symptoms...

So now I'm on Lexapro. It's not a bad deal -- it didn't change who I am, or destroy my anxiety, or anything. It just makes things a little better, a little easier to take. And this is making it a little easier to create a life where I can be a little happier than I am now. Maybe.

so, why not? All it can do is make you a little happier, a little better off. If you don't like it, you can stop at any time. It does not have to be that big a deal. And the idea of forcing people to listen to your problems -- forget it. These people are your friends/family (I assume), so why would you want to cause them grief? This isn't about them, it's about you.

But, again, not a doctor/professional, etc. -- take with massive grain of salt.

I think the first step is to realize that this depression doesn't define you.That's the hardest part for some (including me... at times, when I'm down). You think that if you give up your depression, you won't be you anymore. If that makes any sense.

There used to be a time - when I was doing psychology - when I thought medication was the easy way out. Now I realize that some depressions are caused by chemical imbalances. Secondly, even if it isn't a chemical imbalance, medication can kickstart the process. It can make you realize that there's another way at looking at the world. Trust me, the world looks better when you're happier.

I 100% agree with this. I hope it didn't look like I was getting at you, because I wasn't at all.

*rolls eyes* So what if it is?

Yeah, IME, psychiatrists are more familiar with the range of meds, whereas a GP might have one or two "pet" meds.

one more thing - try not to think of telling the truth about your attitude to SSRIs as "defying an authority figure". It isn't. And if he/she makes you feel that way, try to find another GP that you feel more comfortable with.

loggedout, I obviously don't know the details of your situation, so I can't address what the motives of the people around you might be, but here's something to consider: almost every one of us has issues, crises, trauma, slings & arrows etc - and that's over and above ordinary unhappiness! But the natural shocks which flesh is heir to etc only trigger depression in some of us.

Treating the depression will not - cannot - change who you are. If anything, it'll make you less docile (e.g. w/r/t authority figures) and better equipped to take control of those things that you can control.

Whether you treat the depression with meds, therapy, or some combination thereof remains tbd, but *please* do not leave it untreated any more than you would an open wound.

Which is a good analogy, come to think. Bandaging a wound doesn't make it go away, but it gives the body an opportunity to heal.

and part of me wants to involve people and force them into my private hell where they have no choice but to help me, rather than take a pill and relax. Is this wrong, or is it just depression?

FYI, unlike, say Xanax or Valium (or Vicodin or Percocet, or pot, or whatever), the SSRIs won't "make you relax." If you start taking them (hopefully under the supervision of a psychiatrist, NOT a GP), you probably won't notice much of an effect at all, as they require time to accumulate in your body.

If the SSRI that you try at first is one that works well for you, you may notice after a couple of weeks what stewart downes described above - a slight, but perceptible, safety net strung above what used to be a concrete floor. Rock bottom rising up just a little higher.

And that's pretty much it - no unnatural highs or changes in the way you think, perceive, or feel (mentally, emotionally, or physically). If you do experience significant side effects, your psychiatrist should be recommending a substitute med. This is one reason why you ought *not* tell your doc that you didn't like the physical side effects. It's false feedback, and might lead to ruling out an SSRI that could work well for you.

And for what little it's worth from an Internet stranger, I'll state emphatically that that desire to bring other people into your private hell where they have no choice but to help you IS just depression. Depression always be sayin' that. Always. I think you'll find that this desire gets weaker as you treat the depression. Just like a deep bruise gets sloooooowly less tender as it heals.

You might be interested in Andrew Solomon's book The Noonday Demon: An Atlas Of Depression. It's not perfect, and it doesn't necessarily apply to everyone's experience, but it is exhaustive, and heartfelt without being sentimental. One thing that depressives have been shown to share is a more empirically accurate view of the world than optimists (for worse, of course, but also for better) and Solomon certainly holds true to form.

He's got a web site too, and it's pretty good: www.noondaydemon.com

namaste, mahalo, and may god speed your plow

Cognitive therapy, same - I get it recommended over and over, and once again feel that it's some kind of Pavlovian attempt to make me 'act' normal, so nobody will have to actually listen to me, or consider the real-life factors that are discouraging me from wanting to be in the world anymore.
I don't think that is what it is. I have been to this myself, and I was pretty stubborn and didn't listen to what I didn't want to hear, and ignored a lot of instructions that were given to me. It's too bad that I wasted the opportunity, because now I don't have insurance and can't afford to go. However, I sympathize with one maddening aspect of it - there was shit from the past I wanted to talk about, and this therapy wasn't oriented toward that. Maybe it is better to try another kind of therapy based on what you want.

You say you can pinpoint what your issues are, and that nobody will listen to you when you talk about them. Now, if you really know what bothers you on a daily basis, and people ignore you when you try to explain, perhaps there is a communication problem, or just self-centered people in your life? However, I would caution that if you know what your issues are and you don't want to change them but only to drag others into them, that's fucking depressing! I have a close family member who is depressed, miserable and negative and wants to change absolutely nothing, only to complain and live in the past. This person takes a strange pride in suffering, and wonders why I keep my distance.

Finally, have you tried exercise, fresh air, and changing your diet? They do help. A lot. Particularly exercise. It can be as simple as going for long walks. Whatever it takes to focus on the present and not get stuck ruminating over the past, which you can't change anyway.

Andrew Solomon's book is quite good. I have been reading Thoughts without a thinker lately, it sort of opened a new door for me, I recommend.

and loggedout, if you're in the LA area UCLA is running a yoga/depression study and will PAY FOR YOUR CLASSES!

Also: don't see seeking help/doctors as fighting against someone/thing else. You're just fighting yourself, and there's no point. Be your own best friend. Get help.

This isn't really going in a direction of giving you an answer (more a chance to vent on a thread I doubt people I know will see), but if there is a relevant point then it's the fact that if you're able to even see a doctor about your problems, then you should continue on that path. Friends are great, but they will never change anything irrevocably in you, and you will compromise your relationship with them. If this is what you want to do in some way, to alienate them (as I believe it has been with me at times), then nothing anyone on the internet can say will change that. I don't believe in the drugs either, but I'm not trained in the field - however, if you refuse to try any kind of therapy, then you will put yourself in the exact same position as me, and believe me, it's not good.

Geez Noodles, good to know the entire medical profession is wrong! What have I been thinking listening to them? Thanks for setting me straight!

Depression is a serious medical illness; it’s not something that you have made up in your head.

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I don't think unipolar clinical depression is ever called a disorder. when it's involved with other mood disorders, like bipolar, yes. But those are also considered diseases.

Noodle Vague's position really shouldn't be that contentious though (outside of the profession), if we understand "not a disease" to mean "not purely/exclusively physiological," "not physically communicable," and "not 'curable' with a pill."

Though lord knows it can be passed from one generation to the next, and there's been some VERY interesting work done lately with highly targeted electrical stimulation of specific areas of the brain. (REMAIN CALM - this is *not* ECT!)

Wow, I had no idea that the NHS was so problematic. If you have a good health plan in the US, it isn't hard at all to see the type of specialist you need to see (of course, I live in a big city).