The longest you've been stuck on a toilet?

The truth about the stuck-on-the-toilet story.

The worst part about it was...I ordered this enormous lobster, like a 3 fucking lb lobster. And while I was in the bathroom, someone ate it!!!! Who eats someone else's lobster!!!! To this day I don't know who did it but I have my suspicions.

And I've spent, off and on, the better part of three days on the toilet after my last-ever trip to Long John Silver's. If I was not on the toilet, I was moaning with sensations ranging from pain to percolation to about-to-explode-ness.

Memories...
Light the corner of my mind.
Misty water coloured memories
Of the way we were.

http://www.conserhomes.com/kohler%20pictures/wellworth%20round%20bowl%20toilet.JPG

http://www.kohler.com/corp/MungoBlobs/5b.jpg

(i feel she's too fancy for you nabisco)

I am being stalked by a mad American. (27 matching messages)

His name is J0hn Vand1v3r Gr1c3 and he is stalking me. He always comes to me in a/v even if I am packing up to go home and other people are standing at the bit where people get served, waiting to serve. He watches The Irony Of Fate (dodgy 80s Russian made-for-TV-3hour rom-com) over and over again. He is rude ad discourteous and has a fat-tongue and what's more a hearing-aid which would make me feel guilty for hating him if he wasn't such an awful, charmless, stalking cunt. He harasses my mate Katy at the issude desk all the time, commenting on her "nice t-shirts" as an excuse to stare at her breasts, he has no manners, an awful voice, bad clothes, urgh urgh urgh!!!!!!!!!

I just went for a poo, had finished, and was about to leave the cubicle when I heard someone come in, and it was him, and he spent 7 minutes talking to himself and walking around the toilet bit where the sinks and urinals are, talking in his thick, fat-tongued Georgia accent to himself. The first thing he said was "the problem with me is ah'm a perfectionist... mumble mumble...women... mumble mumble..." and then he wittered on about work permits and Bulgaria and Macedonia and residence permits and going to te police with a signature and it was like he was having a proper conversation with himself and Billy reckons he loves me cos he alwasy avoids everyone else if he can come to me (likewise for Kay on the issue desk - fuck knows what'd happen if he came in to a/v now cos she's down here this afternoon) and urgh urgh urgh it's really freaking me out

-- Nick Southall (n.j.southal...), July 10th, 2003.

I am being stalked by a mad American.

I was stuck on a [BONG] for a few years back when I was in college. Just a beautiful, beautiful [BONG]: great lid, nice bowl, fantastic seat, and personality too, a bubbly, infectious joy that just put a smile on your face every time. Even after we stopped seeing each other, I'd think back on that [BONG], and something inside me would just want one moment alone with it, just a few minutes to lock the door, drop my pants, and really have at it, just one last time. Maybe I'm still a little stuck on that [BONG] ... the best I've ever had.

Also had a 24-hour stomach bug freshman year of college, necessitating some unknown dozens of treks down the hall to the dorm john. Drank water all day out of fear of dehydration.

I like my cooking way too much.

Funny, my experience involved hot knives on a Madrid commode.

Somehow I got the idea I'd use the toilet and smoke hash at the same time. I got comfortable, and after about half an hour I fell asleep to wake up four hours later with a stiff back.

I like the death one, he looks like a coprophagic