before seeing someone you like, is it customary to envision, over and over, different scenarios for how the date will go?

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like different kinds of repartee centerting around certain subjects leading to flirting, leading to touching?

different ways you will surprise him/her with a kiss?

different things you might say that will inspire worry? or curiosity? or lust?

not so much 'planning' what you're going to do (this would be futile) just sort of...envisioning.

i can't seem to help but do this.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:05 (twenty years ago)

I do this, too.

― Come, mah county killahs -- Ian Riese-Moraine can't run no MORE!!! (Eastern Mant, Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:07 (twenty years ago)

I used to do this, but that is no good indicator of whether this is normal or not.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:08 (twenty years ago)

Although I'm mostly trying to discern how much they would like me. Damned inferiority complex. xpost to myself

― Come, mah county killahs -- Ian Riese-Moraine can't run no MORE!!! (Eastern Mant, Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:09 (twenty years ago)

i feel this would make one of the more pathos-ridden jimmy corrigan cartoons

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:10 (twenty years ago)

I think most people do this, Amateurist.

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:11 (twenty years ago)

i always like when they do future-conditional stuff in the movies, like "10 ways this could possibly turn out." but usually they do it kind of dumb-like. the best example of a good use of this i can think of is probably in bob le flambeur.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

in the first stages of dating at least, yeah, i think this is one of those everyone-(or everyone on ilx at least)-does-it things. i also like that possible reality stuff, and yeah, corrigan's real good at it.

― jermaine (jnoble), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

normal, perhaps. customary!? not so sure.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:51 (twenty years ago)

AMATEURIST, YOU ARE COMPLETELY BATSHIT INSANE. Please report to the front desk for deprogramming.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:52 (twenty years ago)

I always wanted to use that Woody Allen line where he says, "Can I kiss you?" and she says "Sure ok," and he says "Now we can digest our food." Never done it, though.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:53 (twenty years ago)

I think it's a pretty common syndrome. You know, human nature and all that. It's only a problem if you have the scenario set up for only one outcome (the good)and if it all goes wrong you run the risk of being more disappointed than if you had no expectations. Best of luck!

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Monday, 1 August 2005 00:07 (twenty years ago)

I did this, on the rare occasions that I went on dates. the problem is that nothing you envision ever happens.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:15 (twenty years ago)

I actually do this sometimes having little daydreams about people I know I'll never go out with (I mean I'm taken after all). Its fun to run romantic little what-ifs in my head sometimes.

But I freely admit, I'm a bit nuts. I am also not going to fess up who it is I think of in this manner ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:21 (twenty years ago)

Are they a cartoon character? ;-)

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:23 (twenty years ago)

Hahehehe :D

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:25 (twenty years ago)

Actually Ive a bit of an untoward crush on an ILXor right now, but its all good, I wont do anything about it. Its just nice.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:25 (twenty years ago)

What's a date?

― Masonic Boom (kate), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:27 (twenty years ago)

Kate, you know you've been on dates much more recently than *I* have, so there :-P

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:29 (twenty years ago)

I used to do this and had a bit of a neurotic problem with it because I developed the fear (realization?) that any possible outcome you can dream up is absolutely not going to happen. Now I simply envision every possible disasterous outcome of a given situation (not dates anymore though), safe in the knowledge that none of them will become reality.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:30 (twenty years ago)

Wow, I'm not the only person who does that! Woohoo!

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:32 (twenty years ago)

These days, I mostly skip the dating and stick to the fantasising. It's much better that way, as it omits the horrible disappointing bit where reality intrudes.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:34 (twenty years ago)

Oh, ha ha, I see you said the same thing above in a much simpler and more elegant way.
xpost

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:34 (twenty years ago)

Have you ever in any situation (date, job interview, forming a mental image of somebody you haven't met yet) been able to foretell the outcome of a situation to any degree of accuracy? If so, you are psychic and should be exploiting your abilities to their fullest. If not, my advice is to not envision the best, most satisfactory outcomes of a situation because then you're jinxing yourself.

On the other hand you can attempt to focus your energy into a sort of sigil dedicated to a certain goal and that may help. That's probably difficult to control though.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:39 (twenty years ago)

"over and over"

― Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Monday, 1 August 2005 06:40 (twenty years ago)

"envision"

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 1 August 2005 07:13 (twenty years ago)

from this thread Classic or Dud: Trying to get back in touch with someone you had a crush on ten years ago. Even though it's probably an awful idea. For god' sake, someone stop me.

oh of course.
but a couple of imaginary dates in the meantime never hurts. i have had some great imaginary dates with random girls on buses and on the way to work and stuff. the orange juice selling girl in camden with the accent is the best, my imaginary purchase of orange juice and one thing led to another and we ended up going to the woods to pick oranges together. we held hands and everything.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), July 29th, 2005 3:07 PM. (ken c) (later)

Nah, it was more the other way round - we became friends after I asked her out and she said no.
(xpost)

The problem with imaginary dates is that the more you imagine them the less they will come true.

-- Forest Pines (forestpine...), July 29th, 2005 3:08 PM. (ForestPines) (later)

i don't know why but in the imaginary date we never did anything filthy or anything, we both thought it was so nice that we could just spend the day under the sun to pick oranges and hold hands, and drink freshly made orange joooces (as she'd call them). at the end of the date she gave me a peck on the lips.
-- ken c (pykachu10...), July 29th, 2005 3:10 PM. (ken c) (later)

xpost i don't think that's true: i don't think imaginary dates affect the likelihood of actual dates. but it can seem that way sometimes because (for me anyway) often the imaginary datee are like highly unobtainable like pop stars and things.
aw, i still remember going to an imaginary theme park with dido. she thanked me for the best day of her life at the end

-- ken c (pykachu10...), July 29th, 2005 3:14 PM. (ken c) (later)

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 August 2005 07:23 (twenty years ago)

wait there's totally a movie i've seen with an fantasy date along these lines. maybe it's australian??? no wait fuck it it's adaptation with nic cage.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 1 August 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

again, i like the idea there, not as much what they did with it.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 1 August 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

Ah! In that case, on my fantasy date, we drank claret and talked of botany.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Monday, 1 August 2005 07:26 (twenty years ago)

This == me. Except not just with dates/chatting people up/whatever, but with EVERYTHING.

― spontine (cis), Monday, 1 August 2005 09:55 (twenty years ago)

I too do this, or I used to.

Not just with disastrous outcomes, but with every outcome (I was quite specific in the outcomes, but not *that* specific). It makes you realise how much more complex and unpredictable life is than we think. But then one day, I overdid it, and one of the mooted outcomes did happen, and I got bored with the game.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 1 August 2005 10:00 (twenty years ago)

I do this. I actually allow friends to give me ideas on what I should think about, and such. Last time I did this it actually kind of happened exactly as planned! The time before, a horrifying failure that left me awfully embarrassed and slightly stuffed.

― edward o (edwardo), Monday, 1 August 2005 11:32 (twenty years ago)

crikey. sadly i seem to have evolved into some kind of asexual person. i don't even think about this stuff anymore :(

― gem (trisk), Monday, 1 August 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)

i don't do dates anymore, but i get this phenomenomenon when i'm anticipaticisering meeting new people. often the real outcome is nothing like any of the proposed scenarios largely due to my imagination fluctuating wildly from the amazing benal ("hey, i'm g-kit, nice to meet you." "yeah, likewise.") to the extremely demented ("hi, i'm g-kit... OMG YOU'RE MY LONGLOST TWIN" "no, i'm a CLONE!" *both draw pistols, slow motion gunfight ensues*).

but er, that's just me. i guess.

― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 1 August 2005 11:44 (twenty years ago)

'la guerre est finie'

― N_RQ, Monday, 1 August 2005 11:47 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I did this once and constructed a fantastic fantasy scenario where I rescued her from the evil ninja chef and his kitchen minions in the restaurant using only my wits, my cunning and our cutlery.

Except, I've never been on a date.

― BARMS, Monday, 1 August 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

Customary, of course. Worth the effort, not so sure.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

i see to only envision how i'm gonna fuck it all up

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

i do this, not just before seeing someone i like, but in all situations. meeting friends, other people, everything. my whole life i spend practicing conversations and stuff er.....im a frickin weirdo

― ambrose (ambrose), Monday, 1 August 2005 17:11 (twenty years ago)

I think it's customary to do the envisioning, then get the fear that the envisioning has jinxed it and it's all going to go horribly wrong, then try to unthink the things you have thought but it doesn't work, so you just go back to envisioning.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 1 August 2005 17:22 (twenty years ago)

i still can't envision how dido and i might break up

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 August 2005 21:25 (twenty years ago)

Maybe in high school, but I'm a rather careless person. I figure if it doesn't go well, fuck it.

― Land Ho (dymaxia), Monday, 1 August 2005 21:26 (twenty years ago)

is the stuff in la guerre est finie actually in the "future conditional" or is it just so many flash-forwards?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 5 August 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

Last night on my imaginary date, we talked about sea monsters. Of course, in a purely rational, scientific, taxonomic sort of way!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 5 August 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

In your imagination, did you wake his kraken?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 5 August 2005 07:45 (twenty years ago)

No, but we discussed how the lonely hours spent on watch on the masthead could make a lonely sailor hallucinate mermaids from manatees and fur seals, but upon closer examination of the original (female form that is) the mistake was unthinkable!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 5 August 2005 07:49 (twenty years ago)

the conversation on your imaginary date sounds awesome kate! i'd be very satisfied if i had such a conversation on an envisioned date. over a casual dinner i think. fish and chips or chinese or something.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 5 August 2005 07:51 (twenty years ago)

The problem is that the conversations on imaginary dates invariably are so much more interesting than the conversations on real dates. :-(

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 5 August 2005 07:53 (twenty years ago)

i avoid that problem by not going on any real dates. preventive strategy so to speak.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 5 August 2005 07:57 (twenty years ago)

I haven't been on a date in a while, mind you. But then again, the last person I dated was actually exceptionally good at small talk. (Which I am not.) But... because someone is able to amuse you with talk of sea monsters does not mean that they would make a decent boyfriend. :-(

I imagine 19th Century Sea Captains probably would not, in fact.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:01 (twenty years ago)

Heh I have fun loopy convos like that with my man a lot, we get onto all kinds of daft scenarios about space travel and railguns and gaming in 2050 and wtf ever.

I am also like Ambrose and think up scenarios about day to day things alll the damn time. I live in me head more than I actually live! Doh.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:10 (twenty years ago)

i think everyone does this to a point don't they? i sometimes find myself doing little narratives for myself in the third person. maybe i'm going a bit batty because i've been living on my own too long.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:13 (twenty years ago)

Sigh - I suppose one of the problems I've had is, when you first meet someone, I have those fun kinds of conversations about sea monsters and rhubarb wars and botanical taxonomy. But as it turns into a Relationship, they dry up and get replaced by stupid petty rows about where we're eating for dinner and what artist they think is ripping them off and grandstanding about politics and religion and how Charles Saatchi is an instrument of Thatcherism blah blah blah and it all goes crap.

So this is why relationships are better kept in your head and out of the real world entirely.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:15 (twenty years ago)

I guess this is why I feel like Ive found Mah Man. Cos we've been living together two years now and we never fight, and altho lately we're so flat out we seem to do nowt but work and sleep, we still sit around and have random silly convos or watch futurama etc a lot.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:19 (twenty years ago)

Mind you we have NO social life and are both exhausted and smoke too much and are a mess, but hey, cant have it all good :/

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:20 (twenty years ago)

Awwww. That does sound lovely, Trayce.

x-post, well, apart from that bit. But the "still have fun conversations two years later" bit.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 5 August 2005 08:21 (twenty years ago)

"is the stuff in la guerre est finie actually in the "future conditional" or is it just so many flash-forwards?
-- Amateur(ist) (amateuris...), August 5th, 2005."

it's a good q. in 'pierrot le fou', i think they're definitely conditional. i think in 'la guerre est finie' it's montard imagining how it will go -- but he's not far off how it *will* go, so it's kind of flash-forwardy too.

― N_RQ, Friday, 5 August 2005 10:38 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

argh stop it j4gger

― Just got offed, Saturday, 31 May 2008 11:24 (eighteen years ago)

i am usually just so stunned that someone agreed to go out with me that my mind goes blank anyway.

― jeremy waters, Saturday, 31 May 2008 12:50 (eighteen years ago)

i envision totally unlikely wonderful fantasy scenarios. i don't particularly mind that they don't happen, the goal is not to date my own imagination.

― Maria, Saturday, 31 May 2008 12:57 (eighteen years ago)

The hour or two of frantic bases-covering housecleaning usually doesn't allow too many deep thoughts.

Unless I'm going on a date with/meeting an ex (has happened far too many times), then I just think of all the things I shouldn't get into Serious Discussions about.

― en i see kay, Saturday, 31 May 2008 13:00 (eighteen years ago)

I'm not with guy mentioned above anymore :( I miss those rambles sometimes.

― Trayce, Saturday, 31 May 2008 13:07 (eighteen years ago)

The hour or two of frantic bases-covering housecleaning usually doesn't allow too many deep thoughts.

haha, and they never end up coming back unless your place is a sty.
it's like taking a condom out with you: they can sense you're expecting something!

― jeremy waters, Saturday, 31 May 2008 13:09 (eighteen years ago)

David Baddiel had a routine based on this, which was basically that the cleaner and more attractive your underwear, the lower your chances. Your only chance of scoring is if your undergarments are made from potato sack. So you bring with you some backup attractive underpants, which you then change into in the toilets if the date is going well. But then you run the risk of your date seeing you walking out of the restroom stuffing what appears to be someone else's underpants into your pocket.

― snoball, Saturday, 31 May 2008 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

they can see the desperation in your eyes.

mind you, what kind of screb walks around in dirty underwear at any time, anyway?

― jeremy waters, Saturday, 31 May 2008 17:07 (eighteen years ago)

argh stop it j4gger

-- Just got offed, Saturday, May 31, 2008 7:24 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Funny, that's how I envision your dates as well.

― Hurting 2, Saturday, 31 May 2008 17:11 (eighteen years ago)

rampant googleproofing?

― robertwolf8080, Saturday, 31 May 2008 18:14 (eighteen years ago)

externalised inner monologue

― Just got offed, Saturday, 31 May 2008 19:00 (eighteen years ago)

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