Unintentionally Offending Someone Who Just Did You a Favor

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So, I asked a question -- via e-mail -- of one of the Edit Finance people here where I work. She just came into the office recently (I share an office with five people) while I was in the middle of something. I thanked her again (she'd answerd my question, and I thanked her in a return e-mail). She then started off a sentence saying, "Alex, when you become a parent, you should really know...." I sort've sighed and cut her off and said "Please don't lecture me!" Her eyes bugged out and her posture stiffened. I didn't mean it to sound so...I guess...rude. I instantly apologized, saying "Oh, jeez, don't be so sensitive!" This too got her upset. "We don't have to talk!" she said, and sat down on our communal couch, pulling out a copy of the magazine. I continue to apologize, and she fails to even respond before saying, "I don't even give a shit."

Great. Now what do I do? She just sighed again and left.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

What does she mean, "when" you become a parent?! I was under the impression that you'd BEEN one for some time now.

― Laurel, Monday, 8 August 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)

She was speaking rhetorically, I suppose. I dunno, I cut her off to quickly (given the somewhat patronizing tone in her voice, ala "you really should'nt have needed to ask the question you did.")

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:06 (twenty years ago)

i think this is your problem here:

I instantly apologized, saying "Oh, jeez, don't be so sensitive!"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:10 (twenty years ago)

"ILXor Learns A Life Lesson... But Not Really."

― Dead To You, Monday, 8 August 2005 18:10 (twenty years ago)

slocki otm

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:13 (twenty years ago)

I think you should just give it some time. Don't chase after her to apologize. Just wait till you bump into her and she seems to be in an aprochable mood.

― Aja (aja), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

For all you know, this was the last straw for her and now she has written you off. You may be offensive all day, everday and think it's part of your gruffly honest charm.

― Helpful Antagonist, Monday, 8 August 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

get drunk and write her an apology email.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

i think this is your problem here:

I instantly apologized, saying "Oh, jeez, don't be so sensitive!"

Well, the thing is, we know each other well enough (after ten years here), that she should've known I wasn't being intentionally short with her. But, y'know, I guess I shouldn't presume such things.

It's also a problem inherent with my work set-up. I work in an office whose doors cannot close. As such, if I am in the middle of something, there's nothing I can do to prevent people from just strolling on in, pontificating. When they see me on the phone or hear me typing on the keyboard or fucking notice that I didn't turn around when they came in, you'd think they'd put two and two together and figure out that it's not a good time to talk to me. But, once again, she and I are friends, and I don't want her to feel unwelcome here. But, y'know, recognize the situation!

I dunno. It seems like I'm making excuses. She did me a favor, and I should've heard her out, but I am under pressure these days, and can be needlessly brusque with folks (you would be too if you were trying to get work done and had no damn door to shut).

Sucks.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Another problem: I am the easiest person in the world to make feel guilty. I blame fourteen years of Catholic education for that.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

Another problem: I am the easiest person in the world to make feel guilty. I blame fourteen years of Catholic education for that.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), August 8th, 2005 12:23 PM. (vassifer)

Yeah. It's messing me up right now. God! Opps. sorry.

Why must I be going to at least four more years of it??

But just give her some time. If she's your friend, she should think about the whole situation and forgive you.

― Aja (aja), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

uhh a lot of people are in that situation at work--i know i am--sounds like you were just rude, there's really no justification

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

just tell her "sorry i was rude"

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

Homeless panhandler motherfuckers do this thread title to me all the fucking time.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 8 August 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

I had a dream last night that Alex (and others) were doing some prison outreach program, teaching inmates how to shine shoes. He was very good as a teacher and had everyone's respect and attention. Alex, you can feel free to embellish that story and tell her about your charity work, and you only snapped like that because that's how you have to talk to prisoners or they'll try to fuck you ... At this point, I don't see how such a story could hurt....

― Draw Tipsy, ya hack. (dave225.3), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

just tell her "sorry i was rude"

Did that.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

write her an email. in that email, refer to her as a "festering pockmark on a fat [x]'s ass", but don't just insert the first noun that comes to mind. instead, put some time into it, think about it, really personalize it. the message you're sending by doing this is 'you are worth the extra effort'.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

By the way, I'm well aware that I'm not the only person in the world who works in a cubicle/open area set-up.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Just sent her a more formal and explanatory e-mail. Stay tuned.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:41 (twenty years ago)

I work in an office whose doors cannot close.

and yet you must scream?

― my favorite cover band, crystal shit (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:43 (twenty years ago)

Closing the office door only locks the crazies in with me.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:51 (twenty years ago)

Make her a cake.

― Ian Riese-Moraine: a casualty of social estrangement. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 8 August 2005 23:25 (twenty years ago)

A co-worker told me earlier this afternoon not to worry about it (this was before I sent her an apology e-mail). X hours later, she hasn't written back. I mean, I'm not going to lose sleep over it, but it'd be nice to have some fruition.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 August 2005 23:29 (twenty years ago)

So... what's the cunt up to then?

― Curious in NYC, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

probably going around telling her more POLITE coworkers what they're doing wrong as parents.

― matlewis (matlewis), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

Honestly speaking, she has yet to respond to my last e-mail (wherein I basically apologized for being needlessly rude etc.) If she want to carry on having a bug up her butt about it, that's fuckin' fine, `cos I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment (how about that for mixing metaphors!) Life's too fucking short.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)

Finally spoke to the individual, who apologized for not getting back to me sooner. Both apologized profusely to each other and admitted that we were being needlessly rude and needlessly over-sensitive, respecitvely, both prompted by undue amounts of stress. So, all is well again.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 22 August 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

NOW IT IS TIME FOR ZE VANDERSEXXX!

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 August 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

All that fuss over bear pubes.

― Office Pal, Monday, 22 August 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

fuck her in her festering pabulum

― heavens!, Monday, 22 August 2005 15:10 (twenty years ago)

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