SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FUCK'S SAKE

I don't even really MIND, I just can't understand how they can stand there and divulge to me, a clearly embarrassed stranger, things that I don't even dare to bore my friends with. Still, maybe I'm the weird one.

Our heart lies in helping patients by means of medical action, as opposed to being human comfort blankets. There are others who are paid to fulfill the latter role.

while i'm here, nusiance customer of the week so far:

(phone rings)
me: hello
him: hello, do you have a (market leading high quality folding bike) in stock
me: why yes, i do, do you want to come and take a look at it?
he: well, i'm in london
me: well, the best thing to do is get one from a local dealer, specialist servicing needs blah blah
he: yes but none of the london dealers have any, and it's a five week lead time since lots of people are buying bikes b/c they're not keen on using public transport yadda yadda
me: ok then, I can send it down to you
he: how much is it?
me: five hundred pounds
he: can you do me a better price?

WTF!?!?!?! I have the only one available, and yr trying to beat me down on price?!?!?!? Grrrr!!

x-post to nat - yes isn't it infuriating when you're busy w/a custo#mer and some fucker buts in SCUSEMEMATE CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO///////NO, FUCK OFF

I also work part-time as a chef, at which time randoms need to leave me the fuck alone because I have to plate up.

Sample client: "We cant connect to our citrix server over your sat link and this has been a problem for months and months bla bla bla why cant you fix it rant rave"
me: "we have told you many times now, your link itself is fine, but citrix want ping times under 400ms and satellite CANNOT DO THIS, the latency is 600ms"
client:"yes I know this, but *rambles on about how crap we are for twenty minutes for NO BLOODY REASON".
me: *swears and throws things*

hello, can you fix my washing machine
yes
well this is how I broke it (goes into detail)

but when it goes like this:

hello, can you fix my washing machine
no, sorry, I don't fix washing machines

then oh no what to do, not in the script! so it then goes:

can you tell me where i can get it fixed then?
yes, of course, (names local repair shop that specialises in washing machines)

then the script takes over!

thanks very much! well, this is how i broke it! (goes into great detail, shop person begins thinking abt that 1/2 done dyson on the workbench that's supposed to be done for this afternoon, teeth start to grind together etc)

... "upstairs in my room, baby ;) ;)"

oh, I love when customers asked for a 'better deal" on stuff when we are offering them 50% off. That's better than the employee discount, you cheap fucks.

Huh? No. I don't mind but I sure don't bother salespeople with my banter because I know 99 percent aren't interested my life, just my money.

Me: Yes that's our most basic package, it gives you a 1Mb connection and our basic range of channels.

Them: Basic? I need a faster connection than 1Mb.

Me: Well how about a 2Mb or 4Mb?

Them: Yeh.

Me: Which one?

Them: Yeh yeh yeh!

Me: And what kind of channels do you want?

Them: Everything, everything. I want movies, sports, kids channels, everything.

Me: Right, well let me work out a quote for you. One minute, so you want a 4Mb connection and all the TV channels - that's about £39.99.

Them: But it says here £13.75.

Me: Errr... yeh, that's an introductory offer for a 1Mb and the basic channels. You said you wanted a 4Mb with everything

Them: So it's not £13.75 then?

Me: Not for a 4Mb line with all the channels.

Them: Oh. Okay thanks.

that's just baseless conjecture dude. having patience doesn't mean you like to push the limit of other people's. i know this because when i was a young boy, i used to get so little attention from my family and in school, and soon i learn to treasure every bit of interaction that people have with me and from my observations i noticed that the people who talk the most, are often the one that is the most frowned upon and in fact the most popular guys are those who actually listen, and respond in an appropriate and level headed manner. Unfortunately because nobody talked to me to start with I have very little ground to utilise this knowledge and I grew up a very sad and unhappy person, which led to my alcohol abuse, i found that with alcohol i can speak more freely and without the inhabition that i have with talking excessively to people that normally makes me feel guilty when in fact i can sometimes be very interesting, if people would just listen to me, but they don't, they just considered me a drunk and i ended up for a few months sitting at a street corner shouting at people in the hopes that one, just one of them would listen to me but they just don't, the ones who paid attention just wanted to make fun of me. bastards. but luckily in the end one person did listen and she took me to the rehab centre and now i'm a new man, no longer having to be drunk to talk to people, and the girl who took me to the rehab centre and i got married and we are living happily ever after. she kisses me in the mouth a lot, oddly enough it's usually when i am just about to start telling her about my day. it's almost as if she knows how exciting it is without me even having to tell her and she loves me so much for it that she can't help but kiss me unfortunatley that stops me from telling her about my adventures.

God I hate working here :(

Try working in a charity shop if you want to hate people asking for discount. If I hear one more person saying "but you get the stuff for free", I will blow a gasket.

I had a great phone conversation with a woman the other day who wanted us to collect books from her house. She ended up telling me all about her son who lives in Kazakhstan with his wife, and how she went over there for the wedding and they had a big feast with a sheep's head and everything, and it was only about twenty minutes later that I eventually had to say "look, I have to go, it's getting busy in the shop". Those are the good chats.

The bad ones are when you go to collect books from a house where someone has died. You feel like such a bastard, taking away the memories. Sometimes it can be very sad.

heh, yes that did pass through my mind.

Hello jess!!

That I've never had.

Classic of wtf confusion years ago, this woman comes into the shop - a bike shop, and asks "do you sell frozen food?" Obv, I'm kind of baffled, so I say, "no, sorry", and she looks around, says "oh, no, I suppose you probably don't, do you" and walks out again.

Turned out the guy had sodded up his OWN routing tables completely and it wasnt our fault at all anyway.

xpost

Then I went across the road to the supermarket and got my map, and an american flag.

I used to be into wargaming when I was a young kid, believe it or not. The biggest act of mentalism i undertook was this. I bought a model of Rommel's halftrack & entourage, and painted it in great detail, using 000 paintbrushes and a magnifying glass. The kicker is that it wasn't 1/35 scale like all those tamiya models, or even 1/72 scale, it was one of those tiny little tank wargaming models, I forget the scale, is it 1/300 scale? The little half-track was like less than 1cm long! You could have fitted about 12 of them into a little matchbox. Even though I was really young when I carried out this great act of artistic endeavour, I look back and think WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO THAT FOR. Back then, certainly it was 100% male, only the only the d&d gamers had any female involvement whatsoever. I bet it hasn't changed any.

How on earth did you wind up working in a wargaming shop, out of curiosity?

I was actually born into the bike business as well, we were also having a bit of a shit time of it, though it wasn't so much the people who were into it (who are mostly ok) it was the companies we were dealing w/. I decided about 10 years ago that I was only going to sell stuff I liked, so we binned all the fancy mountain bike stuff, and got into the whole commuter bike/folding bike/recumbent thing, which is kind of much better.

Couldn't somebody invent a friends-matching service between people this old and those interested in talking to them? I would love to have lunch with a lucid 93-year-old.

Spaniards usually get all cranky if you don't speak their language. One of them beat on the glass screaming something. I still didn't understand her.

g-kit, there's a book in this!

that's one hell of a double-barrel surname!

clerk: when's your baby girl due?
me: December, and we just found out it's a boy actually.
clerk: no, you're having a girl.
me: well I've seen some evidence to contradict that theory and it's really pretty clear.
clerk: they told my daughter she was having a girl but I knew it was going to be a boy and blah blah blah and I was right and they were wrong blah blah blah blah blah blah
me: well seeing a penis is a little different than not seeing a penis now isn't it? you can just suck my baby's cock, thanks.

i just don't know how to respond to this statement.

Oh god, this is one of the reasons it's not good reading ILX at work, you really want to ROFL and tell the person next to you, but you're at WORK! Teeny, that was hilarious.

In our first shop we got phone calls from people who needed the social service (or whatever you call it). How did this happen? They had misprinted the number on some paper, printed *our* phone number. Eventually my mom was fed up because the people refused to believe it was an antique shop, not the soc.service. I mean, we got numerous calls every single day. Sometimes she'd just say:"If you hadn't breeded so much, you wouldn't need money for food."

Client: "hang on its a bit hard for me to get to it, I have a broken leg"
Me: "Oh dear thats not good!"
Lady: "yeah you know how it is, we retired to the high country and I was riding a horse and fell off it and broke my leg... well they're going to amputate it soon anyway so there you go".
Me: "....."

Yesterday: "I called twice to request (piece of information) and I never got it and I think YOU'RE ALL JUST BIG JERKS!" (hangs up).

Today: Woman calls, saying she hasn't been getting the newsletter that we mail out. I check in the database, her account is current, confirm the address is correct, and say I'm not sure why she isn't getting the newsletter and she should check with her post office to make sure they're not snagging it for some reason. She says "OK, well I guess you're just no help at all then. Bye." and hangs up.