It's 3:09 AM and I can't sleep tonight, so let's tell stories about the most unbelievable things we've done in our lives

Somewhere in the early/middle years of high school, I guess I'm about 15. There's construction work nearby my friend Daniel's house. One day on a bike ride he happens to find a key, and somehow suspects that it's a key to one of the CAT construction vehicles they're using. On a visit to his house we onetime decide to test this. It's pretty late, we go up to the construction where they just have one vehicle, try the key and... it works! It works! We sit in it for a while and figure out how it works. All we do is drive it back and forth a little bit and then get freaked out that we're making so much noise (that shit is loud) nearby people's houses, so we get out and go back in.

The key sits with us idly for weeks as we make plans. How can we take advantage of this? This must be some sort of gift from God to appease our nihilism. How can we best serve Him? After a while the answer comes. There's a new middle school being built in our city. They're behind schedule and pulling lots of stops. There must be at least 10 CAT's there. Fuck yeah!

One weekend night we go up to the school, park down the road, and start looking for the best machine. We're nearly heartbroken to find out that none of them are CAT's, and the key doesn't work on non-CAT's... but wait, oh shit, there is one! We decided to call it the scorpion because it has one of those scooping things (whatever) in the back that would probably be a scorpion's tale if the CAT was some sort of awesome Transformer combination vehicle/animal robot killing machine.

Here's the lamest part of the story. That shit had lots of fucking levers on it and we had to read the construction manual to figure out how it worked. Whatever. Anyways, first we took it to a row of porta-potties. We literally crushed them under the weight of this fucking beast so they were flat. Then we pushed the rest of them down the side of this hill. Take that, THE MAN!

Then we went for some robot-on-robot action. We took our scorpion beast to another one of the construction vehicles and knocked it over on it's side. Another battle one! Finally, for the grand finale, we took our monster to one of those trucks with a huge tank (for water? something) on the back. We pounded on the roof for a little with the scorpion tale, seeing how much we could do, which was actually a little disappointing. We took the vehicle forward a little bit and then brought the tale down through the front windshield. Then we banged the tale around for a while on the inside, and the the truck started sparking up and there was a minor fire. We lifted the scorpion tale up, but it was stuck inside the truck and wouldn't get back out the front windshield, so we lifted the front part of the truck about 10 feet up while the back was still on the ground.

At this point we were like, FUCK LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! So we started running. Then we were like, OH HELL YEAH, SOMEONE LEFT SPRAY PAINT OUT! So we stopped and spray painted some stupid shit on the walls for a while and then again were like FUCK LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! Then we left. According to the newspaper the next morning, it was $30,000 of damage.

At the time, I thought it was awesome. I mean, we took it to the FUCKING MAN and we were victorious. Now that I'm older and possibly a little more mature, I realize it was a giant waste of money, served no purpose, hurt peoples lives, etc. In other words, it's definitely not cool. In the spirit of Fucking Shit Up. -- ok, come on. It is pretty cool like that. Come on!