7 things every shut in must own

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7) Cable Television

Because if someone other than you is talking in your apartment, then you aren't technically alone.

6) Books by people who died in some rather depressing manner

my favorite right now is In Dreams Begin Responsibilities by Delmore Schwartz. he died alcoholic in a hotel room in manhattan. no one claimed the body for two weeks.

5) High School Yearbooks

they dont necessarily have to be your own, these wonderful cultural artifacts will remind you of when you weren't sniveling, even if your name or face is absent

4) The entire Bright Eyes catalog and Songs of Love and Hate by leonard Cohen and The entire Smiths catalog

The first for a "normal" day (where you only cry once), the second for when you just got back from buying the disposable razors, and the third for when you are actually *happy*

3) A telephone

how else will the pizzas be delievered?

2) Internet

how else will you participate in arguments about the subtlties of Arabic Post Punk without having people look into your pathetic face?

1) A large amount of Tylenol PM or Unisom

you know, just in case.

― i hate parody threads for the most part., Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:30 (twenty years ago)

doesn't the ususal definition of shut-in generally mean older invalid folks? in which case i'd say they need The Clapper. and old high school yearbooks.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:35 (twenty years ago)

1. Chicken Fries
2. Drone Rock
3. Stilettos
4. $20 of Ham
5. A Recliner (the anti-bicycle)
6. A Modded X-Box
7. ILX: The Book

― Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:36 (twenty years ago)

A pink slip

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

A shut-in is considered to be anyone who has to watch church on television on Sunday mornings. That is the only reason why they broadcast the services.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

in several churches i attended growing up, we had a tape service for shut ins. we'd record the music service and the sermon on a boom box in the front pew. duplicate the tape and deliver it around town to the old folks who couldn't make it to church any more.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

so yeah, they also need a cassette player of some kind for church service tapes, and glen miller and andrews sisters tapes.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

Why only $20 of ham anyway?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

I've never met a shut-in who doesn't like ham...

― Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:45 (twenty years ago)

If you buy more it goes bad before you can eat it. Duh. Unless it's canned...

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:45 (twenty years ago)

Ham going bad doesn't matter to shut ins.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

Did the shut-in's ever have to return the tapes, andrew, or were they able to keep them for redubbing mix tapes?

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

8. Aerosol pine-sol
9. Huge tub of vasoline.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

in my short stint as a shut-in, i found having a handsome young go-fer very handy

― dahlin (dahlin), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

i wanna be a shut-in when i grow up

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

why not start now?

― dahlin (dahlin), Thursday, 11 August 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

$20 worth of coke.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 11 August 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

$40 worth of burritos.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Thursday, 11 August 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

$240 worth of pudding

― kingfish completely hatstand (Kingfish), Thursday, 11 August 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

also, a high-powered rifle.

...you know, just in case.

― kingfish completely hatstand (Kingfish), Thursday, 11 August 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

Shut ins need ELASTIC WASTEBAND PANTS to accomodate for their development of PROTECTIVE INSULATION, a naturally occurring side-effect of NEVER DOING ANYTHING.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 August 2005 18:01 (twenty years ago)

in case someone comes for the pudding?

damn x'post

― dahlin (dahlin), Thursday, 11 August 2005 18:01 (twenty years ago)

Old Glory Insurance

for when the metal ones come for you

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 11 August 2005 18:08 (twenty years ago)

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