Accosting women in nappies - Classic or Dud?

BEST CHAT UP LINES EVAH

Sorry to kill the funny and all.

x-post

http://cfa-www.harvard.edu/~bourke/Personal/Zander/nappy-only.jpg

I think I'd laugh like a nipper if someone jumped out of a hedge in a nappy. Especially if they were wearing a nice yellow bonnet too.

my 11yo cuz is over at my place today, he's kinda bored and has been regaling me with skool life. the issue of consternation for him atm is that he and the rest of his class are convinced that their form tutor wears nappies. the reasoning being that she sometimes stinks of urine but her chair is never wet (they check religiously). added to this she was recently on leave ('for being mental') and the class hates her cuz she's really mean and gives them detention for nothing.

during their last day of term, some kids had xmas gifts that they'd brought from their parents to give the teacher, so they left them on her desk before register. some wag decided to leave a bag of nappies with the wine & chocolates, and she got really angry, exploded, tried to find the culprit but omerta prevailed.

this is final proof to him that she wears nappies. i've tried explaining that this is probably wishful thinking -- she is middle aged, so it seems unlikely that she would be incontinent. then he asks if she maybe wears nappies cuz she is a pervert. smdh at this point, but one of the kids has brought this up so they all believe it.

he's satisfied that i'm now seeking expert advice from the net. i've told him that this site is full of clever people and he says he'll agree to drop the whole nappy theory if ppl say it's bollocks. he's obv not the main ringleader in this but he's suddenly rather shamefaced at the suggestion they have been unfairly mocking her.

how do you explain the urine smell

Colostomy bag?

I'm just thinking present them with a more logical/reasonable explanation and the kids will probably accept it

Or whatever the equiv is for bladder issues? Which wd be quite sad and prob v difficult for her to deal w if she's not that old.

Not that it's easy at any age, but u kno, when yr peers are all still active and healthy....

the piss smell is the main obstacle to convincing him -- he hasn't actually smelled it himself but a couple of other kids have and he considers this adequate evidence (so much for anglo-empiricist education)

she stinks of smoke too so i've suggested it's probably just a case of that, bad metabolism etc

Not that it's easy at any age, but u kno, when yr peers are all still active and healthy....

hard not to read that as pee-ers

ha, so much for sympathetic doctors

he remembered a pic another kid covertly took supposedly showing uhm, wet patches (i give the obv riposte but he's like no actually, it could be ~nappy failure~)

he finds the email under PISS BITCH and i'm srsly lol

far too blurry to make out shit but the catholics never doubted the turin shroud etc

i guess i wanted to disprove his weird theories outta reflexive demonstration of being sober & grown up but now he's winning the war outta chutzpah

All of that might be true but its like 300% more likely that she has a srs health malfunction than the pervert explanation.

unfounded school rumours are funny. there was a kid at my school with the last name "gray" and the story was that he'd changed it from "gay" before he started first year. one really moody fat bully would get seriously life-or-death angry if you suggested it was a load of bollocks. "it's TRUE. his name is GAY. i know someone who knows his cousin's friends barber and IT JUST IS"

haha u see what i'm up against

knew a kid called gray who got called that occasionally, but he was a massive fat fuck so could look after himself....

kid has discovered 'Mike Hanle y' to his amusement

any ideas that he wd get to deliver a report to ilx were swiftly curtailed by a reminder that he wd get nothing for xmas or birthday