i keep upsetting people

Then again, if I locked myself in a darkened box I'd probably upset far fewer people too.

(until I was tempted to just jump out and shout SURPRISE!!!)

i think i just upset someone accidentally :( he found out last night that a thing he had been working on/orchestrating for ages and was expecting to happen isn't going to happen. usually stuff he sets up like this comes off, because he has enough leverage in the first place to get what he wants. so last night i was being all sympathetic, then this morning said sth intended to convey "but like you usually get everything you want, right, so it's ok, it's someone else's turn this time. plus thing-that-you-set-up-a-while-ago is 1000x better than thing-that-didn't-come-off-this-time" and now he is all frosty and thinks i'm dissing him, though i've said explicitly that i am not. now he is all quiet and i am really really really upset (prob more than he is, tbh). i HATE hurting ppl. how can i make it better?

Cup of tea, a chocolate biscuit and I'm sorry for upsetting you?

tell him to stop being so up himself?

you have to cure the root of the problem, not just the symptoms

Cup of tea, a chocolate biscuit and I'm sorry for upsetting you?

tried that, or tried offering that, anyway. STONY SILENCE.

tell him to stop being so up himself?

-- ken c, Tuesday, October 30, 2007 11:24 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

you have to cure the root of the problem, not just the symptoms

-- ken c, Tuesday, October 30, 2007 11:25 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

heheh! nah, he isn't up himself, though he is used to getting things his own way, but that is more to do with hard work than anything else so it's not like he doesn't deserve it. ARGH.

time to roll out the big guns, if a tunnocks caramel wafer does not cause him to crack, all hope is lost.

i have tried GREEN & BLACK'S CREAMY VANILLA WHITE CHOCOLATE :( there is no gun bigger. it sits here on my desk reproaching me with its pristine rejected promise.

what about just asking him why he's giving you the silent treatment? explain that you're worried he misinterpreted something you said, and that it's really bothering you.

Emsk how can you not think "plus thing-that-you-set-up-a-while-ago is 1000x better than thing-that-didn't-come-off-this-time" isn't offensive? Not only has he put his heart into this current project, which he clearly believes is worthwhile, has poured loads of time and effort into, but it's just been rejected. And you've just said it's shit.

It's the classic "never diss someone's ex" paradox.

Emsk how can you not think "plus thing-that-you-set-up-a-while-ago is 1000x better than thing-that-didn't-come-off-this-time" isn't offensive? Not only has he put his heart into this current project, which he clearly believes is worthwhile, has poured loads of time and effort into, but it's just been rejected. And you've just said it's shit.

good point. but kind of (though only kind of) off, and it's my fault because i'm being deliberately vague here - look, stuff you have already got is tons better than this thing you didn't get - chill, you can't always have everything, it doesn't mean you're not amazing. the person who got the thing is someone who def hasn't put as much effort in as him but has 1 crucial piece of leverage that no one could really argue with.

oh i think i'm just hyper sensitive today, you should prob all just ignore me.

your previous ex is so much better than this ex

ex-post

what is this thing anyway? all this leverage and stuff sounds very complicated.

i haven't properly upset someone for a few months

last time was me asking "er i hope i haven't done something to upset you"

that's what you think! ;_; (xpost)

ah it's not that complicated - well it sort of is - but it's not gonna make any sense unless i go into ALL the details which i'm not gonna do here

it'll be ok, i am just gonna work like a mofo for the next few hours and not think about it, and he has prob already forgotten

what is this thing anyway? all this leverage and stuff sounds very complicated.

http://wikid.wikispaces.com/space/showimage/heath_robinson_pancake.jpg

i think when people are super-sensitive about something, for whatever reason (i.e. they have just been rejected, or they have just come off stage, or etc) it's easy to believe that it makes sense to rush in and fill their insecurity by laying down the truth, or bucking them up, or some combination of the two and in fact i think 99% of the time what they in fact need is just sympathy and the occasional solicitation of expression of their feelings

for instance i may be ignoring my own advice, right in this post!! ^^

Or sometimes they just need to truth. I mean, sympathy/empathy/compassion isn't always the best option.

huh. a terse communique. it seems the bit that bothered him wasn't the bit about this thing not being that great, but the bit where i said you are great and usually get everything, you playa you. FF'SF'INS. what is wrong with people?

that's what i mean - any little thing can be interpreted the wrong way in situations like that. it's annoying too cause it's like "gah i'm complimenting you, you dolt!"

doesn't sound like it's worth being upset about anymore

yah rly i think i am just hypersensitive. but then there was the bit where i said "look, if i upset you i'm sorry, i really didn't intend to and you *know* that anyway, if it's ok pls let me know it is?" and received NAAATHEENG

oh fuckit

i'm going to go and eat worms

Do you love him?

waht?

:(

f'in weird day, i just got in a massive email bustup with someone i've never met, spoken to, or had anything to do with before. i've re-read the exchange like ten times and i'm still sure she was the one who flew off the handle, not me, i've been calm, but wtf?

Emski, I have days like this. Mostly on ILX, tbh, but still...you were looking to be at fault with the first guy, when he was taking offense at something relatively benign and NOT what you were worried about, and now the second strike is hitting you much harder because of the first one, I suspect.... In the gentlest possible way (because I do EXACTLY the same thing) I suggest that we are so much less central to other people than we think we are, and it's NOT. ABOUT. US. :) Don't take offense, she'll probably apologize next week and tell you she got in a car wreck on the way to work or something.

yerman sounds like he's being a bit of an a$$hat, but if you are comfortable being his buffer and he's really upset i guess you just gotta take the hit and wait for him to make it up to you later.

Aw there there emsk, it'll blow over & you'll feel less intense about it soon. Yr not a bad person, it's alright.

i keep upsetting ilxors

Lately, and for the first time in my life, people keep upsetting me!

WELCOME TO THE DARK SSSSSIDE

The Dark Side is supposed to involve untold power / dominance / dominion, not sitting at your desk staring at a crumpled napkin and sadly putting peanut M&Ms in your mouth, slowly, one by one

I find all that negative energy extremely invigorating.

Although I bet Darth Vader did a lot of that kind of thing, off-screen

xp It makes me want to change the world and do away with people who annoy me.

He's probably more upset about what happened than what you said.

i am totally laughing at nabisco's sad m&ms story

You never know what Vader got up to in that pod in Empire Stikes Back - eating peanut M&Ms is one possibility.

ahaha

this is sort of the best reaction to people being all upset even after you've (whole-heartedly, sincerely) apologized. i mean, you don't have to laugh in their face or anything but at least laughing makes you feel better and yeah, their deal is their deal

to me this kind of thing always comes down to power/control issues and i just don't have time/energy for that kind of shit

moping won't get you a death star

Actually one time at work I upset a colleague - totally unintentionally - so I went to apologise to them and they were all "uuurrrghghghh whatever" and I just thought "well fuck you then!"

moping won't get you a death star

you are v insensitive, don't you know Vader has an eating disorder?! Those M&Ms are the cause of and solution to all of his problems. Under that suit? A girdle. It's true, look it up. He's cinched up like Scarlet O'Hara under there, trying to hide his shame. It's so tight it makes him breathe funny.

Do you think he gets Admiral Piet to remove the brown ones?

thanks guys, for being lovely to me.

Those prequels kinda killed the pathos with the Frankenstein lurch and overhead "NOOOOOOOO" shot, but Vader's story should resonate with us all. He spends his late teen years learning magic fighting tricks, hanging with cool friends like Sam Jackson and Ewan McGregor, and dating a hot rich chick. But his life is going so well that he gets a big head, starts being a prick to everyone, loses all his friends, and winds up isolated, ugly, chubby, and married to his job.

A cooler prequel ending would have been if Natalie Portman were dating Admiral Akbar's dad or a wookie or something, and Darth Vader were sitting around drinking and sending her text messages about how he's learned a lot and they should give it another chance.

omg i just realized that i've totally already forgotten about the prequels

his story resonates anyway w/o them

also lol txting

Well the first three kind of suffer from an "evil, what's in it for ME" kind of issue. This is cheesy filmmaking: there should totally be at least one scene where Vader and Palpatine are lolling around eating endangered species and groping harem chicks and doing blow off giant hunting knives. People are never really dedicated to dominating the universe unless there's some kind of personal-life perk in it for them, but those two just seem like corporate drones, hustling up the ladder for its own sake. I mean, what's the point of being mad for power if you're just gonna spend all day alone in empty rooms on the Death Star, doing boring stuff like feeling the Force?

That is the only Star Wars Fanfic I ever want to read. It's perfect.

one person's Force is another person's blow

Yeah, it always seemed like Jabba was enjoying himself a lot more, and he was just a gangster.

and doing blow off giant hunting knives

I THINK YOU MEAN SPACE BLOW OFF LASER GUNS

So you think they kinda get off on the triumph of the Dark Side itself?

(This conversation is much better than the moment of sad-man M&M eating.)

if you're wired for Dark Side you're wired for Dark Side

rebel fighters - all-natural hallucinogens

EWOK VILLAGE i saw it once in stanley park on muhsroosms for real!

http://www.neuvel.net/ewoksong.htm

^ rosetta stone for talking to them

nuv!

Okay, my whole lame afternoon was just redeemed by the teenage Russian-sounding boy who walked into McDonald's with a 20 in his outstretched hand and said

PLEASE ONE CHICKEN

- McChicken?
- CHICKENS
- You want the sandwich?
- NINE
- McNuggets? What drink?
- NINE
- That'll be $4.77.

ahaha

chickens

(i have read only a few threads this afternoon but nabisco has made me laugh at least 3 times even if it is a lame afternoon for him!)