do girls always thou pennies part?

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How much money do you spend/are prepared to spend on your significant other?

Does it cost you more money to be in a relationship because you're often 'doing stuff' like eating out (haha etc) and stuff and you feel you can't be as tight as you sometimes want to? Or does it not affect you economically? Or indeed if it's actually cheaper (because you do things as a couple rather than a person, and economy of scale, etc)?

(p.s. for those boys and girls who fancy boys, obv swap the gender of the question around)

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)

http://www.childrenuk.co.uk/chaug/graphics/dutch-flag.jpg

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 11:41 (twenty years ago)

Barely any, im married.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 11:42 (twenty years ago)

I... don't... remember...

Actually, no. The last bloke I dated used to always try to insist on paying for things. (Usually offering such explanations as "but you're unemployed!" which only made me feel inadequate and like shit.) I suppose I've got so used to the concept of going dutch that it feels weird and awkward when a bloke insists on paying for something.

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 11:44 (twenty years ago)

christmas, birthdays, anniversary are the exception to the rule.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 11:46 (twenty years ago)

The only celebrations Dawn and I have that aren't shared are Mothers day and Fathers day.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 11:58 (twenty years ago)

Yes, indeed they do. But only because I choose to let them.

Unfortunately I am incapable of escaping the (admittedly outdated and anti-feminist but nonethless instinctive) sense of myself, as a male, as provider for the female.

it's not really a power thing, although I can understand how it may appear that way to the lady/ladies in question, but more about wanting to look after her and provide for/maintain her wellbeing.

I guess it stems from the primal, hunter-gatherer side of me.... Although I am yet to maul an antelope to death and bring it home for her. Oh how I long for the serengeti plains......

― uptoeleven (uptoeleven), Thursday, 25 August 2005 02:09 (twenty years ago)

I've spent a ton of money in relationships because I wanted to be able to go out and do things, and the guy didn't have the money, I didn't care. I just wanted to go and do it anyway. In short, it's better if treating someone is an occasional thing, as opposed to the status quo. In theory it's fine, as long as you have the money to do so comfortably and no one feels bad. It becomes problematic when it becomes an expectation. Also, people (guys?) start to feel bad when they aren't chipping in.

As a note, financially supporting a significant other increases this effect a hundredfold.

― Laura H. (laurah), Thursday, 25 August 2005 02:40 (twenty years ago)

oh yes, and also as briefly mentioned it's not even just the paying for everything and finacially supporting someone etc. but sometimes it's just more expensive because you end up doing more expensive things (like going out to posh places more as opposed to sitting at home with a pot noodles). not that going to posh places is a bad thing obviously but do people notice a lifestyle change within themselves when they go into relationships?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 25 August 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

do girls always thou pennies part?

I kept misreading this as penises. This is why I took me a longer time to open the thread and realize it was about something different. :-)

I love buying gifts for my husband. I don't care much about money and I prefer to spend it on him. :-) It's great fun taking him out to diner or buying him something small.

― nathalie's pocket revolution (stevie nixed), Thursday, 25 August 2005 12:06 (twenty years ago)

Early parts of the relationship suck moneywise, because you end up going out way too much. The latter parts (if it gets that far) are better because you don't feel guilty staying in with a bottle of wine and a video. :-)

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Thursday, 25 August 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

Also, what about people who give/permanently loan you stuff while you're involved and/or living together and then ask for the money back when they dump you?

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Thursday, 25 August 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

(Yes, it's true, I've still never paid Joe for the mixing board. I made myself a promise I'd only ever pay for it if and when he contacted me. Never has. So it's mine now, fair and square.)

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Thursday, 25 August 2005 12:10 (twenty years ago)

Hi! Please send the money c/o Nabisco Sunshine, P.O. Box 9115267, New York, NY 10025-1152.

― Joe Lastname, Thursday, 25 August 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

You know, all day I've been fuming over these idiot clients demanding money back on their credit cards for imaginary charges we can't find in the system. Now I know! I'll sign up for loads and loads of dodgy porn and terrorist supplies using their CC number and give that address! Trolls and annoying customers pwned at the same time!

(this is a joke, before anyone decides to report me to any commissioning body of any kind.)

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Thursday, 25 August 2005 15:56 (twenty years ago)

i wasnt sure what this thread was about. from the title i thought it might be similar to the one about girl's fannie farts.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

Although dates and trips cost more money, they're usually fewer and further between than the single life's boozing and partying (which really adds up - desperation is expensive!). Overall, I'd say it's cheaper, plus the money seems much better spent. Honestly, there is nothing I would rather do with money than spend it with/on someone I really like/love.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:20 (twenty years ago)

Also, at least early on, I will ALWAYS pick up the bill without even asking. If she makes a fuss, then it's fine, and if you're in a relationship then it makes sense to split or alternate. I used to be much more about going dutch (maybe it was because of the Bay Area?) as a sign of respect and to not give the impression of paying money for attention or sex, but now it just seems proper to me to pick up the check, especially at the beginning.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

It was just a little joke, Kate!

― nabiscothingy, Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:25 (twenty years ago)

Myself and Mrs Coastaltown take it in turns to pay for meals out, which is just as well or else I'd be bankrupt.

I agree with Spencer though, early on in proceedings I tend to pay.

Tended, I should say..

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

Ha, I read that as "I agree with Spencer though, early on in proceedings I tend to pray." You and me both brother, you and me both!

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

Me too!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 25 August 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

It's shameful, surely, but I am a mostly kept man.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 25 August 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

Man-whore.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 25 August 2005 17:17 (twenty years ago)

this does my bloody head in, this. my gf earns significantly more than me, but i still feel obliged to pay my way, even if it's for things i certainly wouldn't do if i were on my own.

after a year together, i'm finally, finally, gradually accepting the fact that i really am bloody useless and badly paid, and should just shut up and accept the fact that she wants me with her at things, so if i can't afford it, she pays. simple as that.

but i feel like the only one who worries about money, and the only one who thinks about getting the bus when it's late (always cabs - always cabs with her, and again, i feel obliged to fork out another beyond-budget tenner every time), and the one who hardly ever buys branded goods cos they're not worth the 50-80% price hike.

Gah.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 25 August 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

Unspoken money issues are the number one thing that makes good relationships go bad. Do you talk about it with her?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 25 August 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

yeah, we talk about it all the time! ths thing is, it really isn't a male pride issue - i'm completely used to just not doing things if the money's not there, or at least finding the pikey cheapo non-union option, but she just...doesn't...think...like...that.

to make things more complicated, although i'm on perpetually shit wages and have no savings/pension/rainy day money/anything, the rest of my family is very well-off; and the rest of her family is, y'know, normal. this means that whenever i say i can't afford something, she just kinda looks at me in a way that says "you're posh, darling, you'll manage"...

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 25 August 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

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