Best way to politely decline sex with a couple you are close friends with?

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One of my best friends from high school married another of my friends from high school and we have all been close friends for many years. Not long ago, I was AIMing with the wife and she broached the subject of threesomes because we'd talked about it before and she knew I'd done it and so said she wanted to ask me a few questions. I did not realize that she actually meant something like "hi, we want to f*ck you, so come over and f*ck us, okay?"

I was a little shocked (she is v. jealous), slightly appalled (he is really kind of an asshole) and just a wee bit horrified. My brain is screaming OH GOD NO MAKE IT STOP OH PLEASE KILL ME MY GOD HAVE YOU NO PITY WHY WON'T YOU HELP MEEEEEE, but I don't want to actually give in to my great temptation to scream that and slam the phone down. What would you do? What would you say? I don't want to hurt them or offend them or anything like that, I just want to say "not in this lifetime or any other," and leave it at that.

― oyarite, Saturday, 22 October 2005 01:08 (twenty years ago)

You're perfectly within your rights to decline without having to give them a whole song and dance. And if you want to remain good friends with them, don't even begin to consider it (not that you were anyway, but still).

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 22 October 2005 01:18 (twenty years ago)

this has never happened to me. i dont think ive ever wanted it to either

― terry lennox. (gareth), Saturday, 22 October 2005 01:19 (twenty years ago)

It has happened to me, and I replied with sth along the lines of: Very flattering, but it would make me feel awkward and I'm afraid it would destroy our friendship, and you're such a dear friend that I don't want to take the risk blaaaaa, which worked like a charm.

― Eva vR (Gaia1981), Saturday, 22 October 2005 04:53 (twenty years ago)

go for it? only live once?

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:08 (twenty years ago)

"My religious views do not allow me to take part in any sexual activity that cannot result in procreation." Presumably they aren't going to let you join in going bareback and without birth control, so you make God the bad guy. Everyone's happy.

― Are You Nomar? (miloaukerman), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:08 (twenty years ago)

friends come and go

― Le Sterling Chow (dr g), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:10 (twenty years ago)

DO IT, PUSSY.

― giboyeux (skowly), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:17 (twenty years ago)

DO IT: PUSSY

― giboyeux (skowly), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:20 (twenty years ago)

xpost, yeah, but they'll have to come without him.

*rimshot*

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:22 (twenty years ago)

Tell them you have a rare biological disorder involving radioactive mutation that makes you secrete sulfuric acid out of your naughty bits during orgasm.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:24 (twenty years ago)

Are you attracted to them at all? I mean, are you interested in the idea but are just thinking better of it? Or is it something that you've never thought about and don't have much interest in?

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:25 (twenty years ago)

whatever, you don't seem to like them well enough to NOT do it with them, so DO IT with them. if it's your best friends, don't do it. lackluster friendship? why the hell not. you have opportunities to be "just friends" with WAY more couples than those that will do you.

― scout (scout), Saturday, 22 October 2005 05:54 (twenty years ago)

Or is it something that you've never thought about and don't have much interest in?

"she broached the subject of threesomes because we'd talked about it before and she knew I'd done it"

Maybe it's the prescence of the husband, which is offputting.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Saturday, 22 October 2005 06:02 (twenty years ago)

maybe if you all wore moustaches

― Le Sterling Chow (dr g), Saturday, 22 October 2005 06:05 (twenty years ago)

just don't film it and you'll have no problems

swinging 101

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Saturday, 22 October 2005 06:07 (twenty years ago)

I wish i had these problems.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Saturday, 22 October 2005 06:16 (twenty years ago)

Tell them ILX said NO.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Saturday, 22 October 2005 06:28 (twenty years ago)

BOAST POST.

― :[ (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 22 October 2005 06:29 (twenty years ago)

"Wow, I've never had a chance to infect two people at once before!"

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Saturday, 22 October 2005 19:50 (twenty years ago)

Tell them "I asked a group of strangers on the internet if I should have sex with the two of you and after giving them your full names and addresses, they talked me into doing it but only if I post all the details on said internet. Where's the lube?"

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Saturday, 22 October 2005 21:10 (twenty years ago)

'Where's the floss?'

― estela (estela), Saturday, 22 October 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

scout OTM

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 23 October 2005 07:57 (twenty years ago)

Nein socken is also OTM.

― moley, Sunday, 23 October 2005 10:00 (twenty years ago)

Tell'em you saw how it ended up on an episode of CSI. That should do it.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Sunday, 23 October 2005 10:02 (twenty years ago)

Can't you just laugh and go "You guys? Hahahaha! No chance! You crazy kids."

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Sunday, 23 October 2005 10:38 (twenty years ago)

Hahhaha

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 11:50 (twenty years ago)

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