my friend has something to say about chicago

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Now, clearly, this does not apply to everyone and everything in Chicago- just things that I have noticed happen more often here than in the east.
1. PDA's. I'm sorry, but making out in a bar is goddamned classless. It's just absurd. It's not cute, or romantic- it's just gross. These things are far too abundant here.
2. The whole thing where some dude talks to you for, oh, 5 minutes and then it's all "So, your place or mine?" And if you don't jump into bed with them at the first chance, you're a bitch.
3. People here are real goddamn touchy. Like, you can't bust their balls about anything without hearing "You hurt my feelings! Waah!"
4. Ok, hard to explain but, on the east coast: You meet someone, you fuck with them- they fuck with you back, and then you're cool. Here, they just think you're "mean" or something.
5. The whole thing where it's some kind of godsend to be "laid back." I'm sorry, if your only adjective to describe yourself is "laid back"- then I am sorry to tell you that you are a painfully boring person. I like my people high strung and neurotic. It's more interesting that way.
6. When a guy honks at you from his car, he actually gets personally insulted if you do not acknowledge his presence.
7. Calling soda "Pop" is super lame.
8. This unbelievable obsession with categorizing people! I've never seen anything like it! I mean, really- it's like living in a goddamned John Hughes movie. Yuppies, Hipsters, Trixies, whatever- who gives a fuck? Seriously, it's just absurd. It's like goddamned Greasers vs. Soc's here! Oh no! People from another neighborhood have infiltrated our bar! Whatever shall we do? God. Seriously- all I care about is whether or not someone is funny. After that I don't give a shit.
9. Bagels taste like gravel. And the bread isn't crusty enough. And there are no black and white cookies!
10. The fact that no one can tell you they hate you, or have a problem with you to your face. This fucking kills me. I mean- seriously- I could give a shit less if someone hates me. Lots of people hate me, and in fact, I take a bit of pride in that. It's just this thing where everyone wants to be liked, even by people whom they dislike, and they want to be thought of as "nice." I mean, honestly- people have good reason to hate me. I'm kind of an asshole. I talk too much. I'm often loud, obnoxious and pretentious. I talk with my hands and have a peculiar manner of speaking. I sing at inappropriate times- and often it's musical theatre. There are a plethora of reasons to despise me. I know that- I'm not stupid. I'm also not going to fucking keel over because some person I don't even know vehemently dislikes me. Actually- I think it's fantastic. I've said many times that I can't describe a greater high than when someone I don't know or acknowledge hates me with great passion. It makes me feel wonderfully important. Oscar Wilde once said "To be popular one must be a mediocrity" and that's my goddamned mantra. I am quite accustomed to people either loving me or hating me- I like to think I inspire that in people. I love brutal honesty- it makes things all the more interesting.

― jdubz (ex machina), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:45 (twenty years ago)

wow. your friend needs to move back to new york.

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:53 (twenty years ago)

i lived there for four years, the only thing on that list that seems relevant to my experience is the bagel one. the only good bagels in chicagoland are in skokie.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

I only agree with "7".

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

These seem like general things you notice when you don't know anybody really well and hang around in bars alone.

― sexyDancer (sexyDancer), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

Oh shit. I totally forgot the thing about how if some guy expresses some interest in you, he acts as though he fully expects you to immediately swoon and act as though you've just won the Publishers Clearing House. "Ooh! Me? Really? Wow! I never thought this could happen to me! I've only known you for 5 minutes, and yet I am overcome with an intense desire to follow you home to your apartment to see your 'record collection!'"

xpost...

Joel, many of these only relate to women...

even though you are the biggest woman I know!

― jdubz (ex machina), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

Also keep in mind this girl could be described as slightly nuts (ref. musical theatre comments) and has the largest rack I have ever seen.

― jdubz (ex machina), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:57 (twenty years ago)

that's just because you never met the giantess, jw.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

the giantess doesn't have a large rack really

― sexyDancer (sexyDancer), Friday, 28 October 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

but she's a bigger woman than me.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:00 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, why can't everybody be an asshole? Nice people are so boring. It's just how I am, and if you can't handle it then fuck you. Whoah, where're you going? I was just giving you a hard time. God, people are so sensitive. Oh, and stop hitting on me.

(I seriously agree with #7 as well.)

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:02 (twenty years ago)

it reads like she's the "sassy" columnist from some crap free weekly.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Congratulations, another person despises you. May your heart, head and rack swell with pride.

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

xpost - hahaha ann st3rzing3r?

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

ok that wasn't very nice but was the first person who came to mind re: "sassy" columnist.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

This thread is really more about your friend than it is about Chicago.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)

Haha, Ann doesn't write a column like that. It did sort of remind me of Ann, though!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

I like my people high strung and neurotic. It's more interesting that way.

And I like Chicago the way it is, thanks.

― deej.. (deej..), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

Also: it's obviously a total caricature of Chicago, but if this city is nice and sensitive and laid-back instead of hardened and bitchy, then I am so fucking glad I live here.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

(xpost, I guess)

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

http://images.villagevoice.com/issues/0430/discussions.jpg

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:28 (twenty years ago)

I can't see that picture, so I'm just going to assume it's a high-strung, neurotic NYC girl with huge breasts.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

Parts of it are spot-on, only in some kind of bizarro-world way: "People here are, like, nice, and don't talk shit and fuck with each other all the time! And if you're an asshole to them they're actually hurt and don't understand why you're being such an asshole! It's terrible!"

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

Also #2 seems way more New York to me, and someone should probably tell her that yes, John Hughes movies mostly do take place near Chicago.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

And who's obsessed with neighborhoods if not New Yorkers? Whatever.

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

So anyway in the spirit of the "brutal honesty" she loves, she should come back to the east coast, show me her humongous rack, and leave Chicago safe for nice busted-ball-averse kids like me to move back to.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

This poor girl sounds like she will never meet that special someone worthy enough to poke her cooter.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

why did she write this? what in hell is it for?

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

i love the word cooter

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

Also, I have never noticed #1.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

Maybe you were too busy making out to notice.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

C'est possible.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

And who's obsessed with neighborhoods if not New Yorkers? Whatever.

some new yorkers don't even know where bushwick is!

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

man what city isn't obsessed with neighborhoods?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

houston. oh wait, i guess there's always the fifth ward. nevermind.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

an oscar wilde quote? wtf?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

man what city isn't obsessed with neighborhoods?

London, NOT AT ALL.

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

Half that stuff makes no sense to me. But for people keeping track of these things, there's a bagel place on the north side of Oak Park, right on the Chicago border, called the Onion Roll that makes the best bagels outside of Skokie.

― Josh in Chicago (Josh in Chicago), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

an oscar wilde quote? wtf?

The Oscar Wilde quote exposes her subconscious, wistful pining for a good mash up the badger.

― The Ghost of I Just Made That Phrase Up (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

it reads like she's the "sassy" columnist from some crap free weekly.

-- andrew m. (westernis...) (webmail), October 28th, 2005 2:03 PM. (andrewmorgan) (later) (link)

She has a history of dating alt weekly writers. GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE IN LUCK

― jdubz (ex machina), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

The fact that no one can tell you they hate you, or have a problem with you to your face. This fucking kills me. I mean- seriously- I could give a shit less if someone hates me. Lots of people hate me, and in fact, I take a bit of pride in that. It's just this thing where everyone wants to be liked, even by people whom they dislike, and they want to be thought of as "nice." I mean, honestly- people have good reason to hate me. I'm kind of an asshole. I talk too much. I'm often loud, obnoxious and pretentious. I talk with my hands and have a peculiar manner of speaking. I sing at inappropriate times- and often it's musical theatre. There are a plethora of reasons to despise me. I know that- I'm not stupid. I'm also not going to fucking keel over because some person I don't even know vehemently dislikes me. Actually- I think it's fantastic. I've said many times that I can't describe a greater high than when someone I don't know or acknowledge hates me with great passion. It makes me feel wonderfully important. Oscar Wilde once said "To be popular one must be a mediocrity" and that's my goddamned mantra. I am quite accustomed to people either loving me or hating me- I like to think I inspire that in people. I love brutal honesty- it makes things all the more interesting.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

The Oscar Wilde quote was what really made me think of Ann S.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

People who constantly talk in silly voices and throw hand shapes and give everyone stupid nicknames and sing all the time and generally act like they are on cocaine -- classic or dud?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 October 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

This girl sounds so contrary and dangerous and special. She sounds like a movie and/or rock star. I see her drinking vodka and laughing at teh uglies.

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

she sounds like a self-professed sophisticate laughing at the stupid, sensitive rubes.

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)

OMG IT'S CARRIE BRADSHAW

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)

She is actually a really nice girl, but her descriptions of herself are OTM. She kind of projects.... a persona...

― jdubz (ex machina), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

And we can sit here in our comfortable internets and scoff, but one day, in a not so distant future, she will be queen of the pile and HOW WE WILL SUFFER for our naivete.

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:06 (twenty years ago)

Queen of the piles!

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

8. This unbelievable obsession with categorizing people! I've never seen anything like it!

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

are you talking yourself into believing she's "actually a really nice girl" so you could endure hittin' that if given the opportunity? (drunk in a bar, obviously, based on what she's written)

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

She's right about no. 1 in theory but I'm sure Chicago doesn't have the monopoly on PDA -- last time I saw shit like that was at the Bklyn Social Club, then again at some place on 7th and B (right on the porch in full view of the sidewalk -- Carly can vouch!), so whatever. No. 6 is true everywhere (per last night on Fulton St). And she might be right about no. 7 but how you gonna change EVERYONE?! How else will I know I've landed in the Midwest if people don't order "pop" at the airport McDonald's??

I'm on the fence about no. 5, there's laid back and then there's "laid back". Or rather, there's "not being tediously anal-retentive" and there's "disengaged and/or just plain lazy". Generally speaking, high-strung people are more entertaining for, like, 20 minutes at a stretch but you couldn't live with one, right?

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

Jon, ask your friend if she wants to come to my halloween party on Saturday.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

your party will be too laid back.

― deej.. (deej..), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:26 (twenty years ago)

natch.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

And will there be enough pop to go around?

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure Jon's friend would also enjoy San Francisco.

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

I would never sleep with her because our relationship is defined 100% platonic and chummy. She is a really nice girl!

― jdubz (ex machina), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

(xxp) Only if Jeff brings his Girls Aloud mp3s.

On my office potluck sign-up sheet the other day, I wrote "soda pop."

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, Jon, she sounds like a PEACH!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)

she'd be eaten alive in sf by our own "sassy" (repellant) women

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

yes

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

Jon, ask your friend if she wants to come to my halloween party on Saturday.

Assure her that she will not feel left out of the public, disgusting making out, like all those other times.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

Someone will be designated to marinate her beef curtains.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

>She has a history of dating alt weekly writers.

That'd put anyone in a snit... I don't think I've had sex in my two visits there, so hence it seemed 'friendly.'

Wilde quote reminded me why "Morbius is a shitbag" posts are a delight.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Spoken like a true New Yorker.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

Thanks!

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 28 October 2005 18:43 (twenty years ago)

That pic says "sassy" all over it. In a tired way.

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Friday, 28 October 2005 19:02 (twenty years ago)

That pic looks like a joke headshot from a movie about 1988!

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 28 October 2005 19:06 (twenty years ago)

I dunno, I actually follow her on a lot of the differences she's picking up -- I just find it incredible that there are people who think those differences are stacked up against Chicago. Yes: Chicago, compared to New York, is ever-so-slightly more relaxed, and people's ways of relating to one another do seem to be slightly more friendly and earnest, less arch and high-strung and constructed -- and god, if growing up on the coast puts you in a position to find that disappointing, then boy am I glad I grew up in the desert.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 28 October 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

She can come to my Halloween party.

― giboyeux (skowly), Friday, 28 October 2005 19:20 (twenty years ago)

Basically what Nabisco said.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 October 2005 19:30 (twenty years ago)

Is that Donna Tartt?

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 28 October 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

take her, dude

― c7n (Cozen), Friday, 28 October 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

haha...you said tartt

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

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