Road to Perdition: worst film ever?

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if not, it's damn close.

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 02:58 (twenty years ago)

no... but pretty damn close

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

actually, i don't know if i'd say that. most mediocre film ever? definitely a contender

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

it's a film that left me feeling absolutely nothing at all. i've seen films that were "worse" in the usual ways that at least left me feeling pissed off. okay, this one left me pissed off too because the story had potential and it was wasted on a horrible, horrible fucking director and a completely useless cast (Daniel Craig excepted, actually)

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:09 (twenty years ago)

have you seen The Green Mile? it's also the ugliest movie ever made

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:09 (twenty years ago)

The Green Mile had some alright gore and somehow moved faster than RtP despite being sixteen times as long.

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:12 (twenty years ago)

let's fight

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

yes

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:14 (twenty years ago)

I just remember this all being hyped up as the Great Big Serious Film. And that's all I remember.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:14 (twenty years ago)

i kinda felt bad for conrad hall, it was like he was doing all of mendes's homework for him

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:16 (twenty years ago)

i can't imagine anyone liking this film nor making a decent argument for it.

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:18 (twenty years ago)

i don't think anyone did or has!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:18 (twenty years ago)

wasn't it "acclaimed"?

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:19 (twenty years ago)

i mean now i remember loads of quotes on posters that seemed positive

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:19 (twenty years ago)

Like with The Patriot

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:20 (twenty years ago)

conrad won an oscar

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:24 (twenty years ago)

my bro conrad won big

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:25 (twenty years ago)

Road to Perdition is very bad, yes. Some reviewer (maybe the guy from New York Press who I think is always wrong) recently compared it favorably to A History of Violence, talking about how Perdition was a more thoughtful film or something. Bollocks. Tom Hanks has never been more miscast in his life.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:26 (twenty years ago)

i've just looked up a number of reviews that were positive and noted the cinematography, the acting, the directing, and the story, but never seemed to make note that this was terrifically boring and quite possibly the worst film ever made

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:29 (twenty years ago)

How's the comic?

― Jordan (Jordan), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:33 (twenty years ago)

(of either RtP or History of Violence?)

― Jordan (Jordan), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

Paul Newman was aight.

Gear is totally right - it was a pretty great story to build on, if you had a good director. It was way too sterile for the story of a Depression-era mob enforcer. Thinking back on all the elements I remember (roadside diner, kindly rural farmers, hunting down Capone's money), their's nothing stands out as a huge mistake but none of it fit together well.

― Are You Nomar? (miloaukerman), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

between mendes and hanks this film was just dead. i mean, i think you need your lead character to be a completely disreputable asshole who just happens to be tight with his family, a completely dangerous guy. hanks doesn't have a hint of danger. as a hired killer, he's like one of those zombies in a horror film that is walking towards you from a hundred feet away and all you have to do is jog off in the other direction and you'll be alright. not scary at all! and this more than any other film underlined his total lack of charisma in totally dramatic roles (his real skill has always been comedy, not playing nice dudes in oscar bait)

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:44 (twenty years ago)

The CGI Chicago reminds me of the crappy CGI from LOTR (and King Kong, from what the trailers show).

― Are You Nomar? (miloaukerman), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

Anyway, clearly the worst film ever was one of the LOTRs. It's a toss-up.

― Are You Nomar? (miloaukerman), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:47 (twenty years ago)

the three LOTR and RtP are--Pythagoreanally--the exact same length.

― gear (gear), Saturday, 29 October 2005 03:49 (twenty years ago)

boring, useless, no point whatsoever

Sure, worst film ever, why not.

― dar1a g (daria g), Saturday, 29 October 2005 04:02 (twenty years ago)

Anyway, clearly the worst film ever was one of the LOTRs

As clear as mud.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 29 October 2005 04:07 (twenty years ago)

i remember working at a movie theater, cleaning auditriums, and every time i went into the road to perdition one right before it ended, the ending with closing narration from the kid made my blood BOIL. i don't even know why, because i havent even seen the film apart from the last 5 minutes or so! maybe the film just gives off 'suck' vibe radiation or something.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 29 October 2005 04:10 (twenty years ago)

this is the worst film ever

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Saturday, 29 October 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

Never seen it (and never will) but at least it made people realise that Sam Mendes is actually a useless film director, including American Beauty.

― Matt #2 (Matt #2), Saturday, 29 October 2005 06:26 (twenty years ago)

I loved how you could tell at the end that Tom Hanks' character was going to get shot, because he entered a completely white room and Sam Mendes just *had* to cover that room in red blood.

And by "love," I mean "hated," of course.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Saturday, 29 October 2005 06:33 (twenty years ago)

Tom Hanks has never been more miscast in his life.

you ever see that Ladykillers remake?

― sffd, Saturday, 29 October 2005 09:34 (twenty years ago)

This has Jude Law and Paul Newman, who are always nice to look at, and I have a hard time believing it's actually worse than Cinderella Man.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 29 October 2005 10:04 (twenty years ago)

Very Bad Things

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Saturday, 29 October 2005 10:30 (twenty years ago)

Or, as I'd have said if html worked on this computer:

Very Bad Things

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Saturday, 29 October 2005 10:31 (twenty years ago)

Oh, screwit.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Saturday, 29 October 2005 10:32 (twenty years ago)

the ladykillers was awesome!

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 29 October 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

I liked The Road to Perdition. I thought it was a good film, although not a great one.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Saturday, 29 October 2005 22:43 (twenty years ago)

"closing narration" is usually the sign of a shitty, shitty movie.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 29 October 2005 22:50 (twenty years ago)

"the green mile is o so long"

― gear (gear), Sunday, 30 October 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

Hi, Adam here.

I don't think Road To Perdition was great, but I don't think it was bad either. Just sort of middling.

Thanks.

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Sunday, 30 October 2005 02:02 (twenty years ago)

To those calling RTP the "worst" film ever made, do you
morons not realize that when it comes to film, the term
"worst" is absolutely, totally subjective? One man's
bomb is another's classic. I'm sure there are fools out
there who hate _The Seven Samurai_ or _Citizen Kane_.
More power to them, useless slobs. Becuase art "quality"
is totally subjective. Therefore your railings against this
film or that are totally quaint and boring. G'night.

― squirl plise, Sunday, 30 October 2005 02:48 (twenty years ago)

I always thought Jerry Maguire was the worst film I have ever seen.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Sunday, 30 October 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

what the fuck does your name mean xpost

― gear (gear), Sunday, 30 October 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

Squirrel Police, innit?

― the pr00de abides (pr00de), Sunday, 30 October 2005 06:45 (twenty years ago)

Yes, RTP was a new low in nothing. Seen Jarhead yet? No? Lucky you.

― ian in brooklyn, Sunday, 30 October 2005 07:23 (twenty years ago)

"My Best Friend's Wedding", now that's what I call a bad movie.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:36 (twenty years ago)

I also submit to you the collected works of Pauly Shore.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:38 (twenty years ago)

And Ti fucking Tanic

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:38 (twenty years ago)

I can kind of see why some people might have liked "Armageddon", but it I could tell and I found it unwatchable.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:41 (twenty years ago)

White Chicks, although I acknowledge that we're getting into the whole so bad it's good state now.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:42 (twenty years ago)

Air Bud III

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:42 (twenty years ago)

Words failed me on that Armageddon post - it meant to say that it resembled a three hour movie trailer and I couldn't cope with that.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Sunday, 30 October 2005 08:44 (twenty years ago)

Seen Jarhead yet? No? Lucky you.

I hate the ad campaign already.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 30 October 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

on the evidence of American Beauty & the jarhead trailer Sam Mendes could well be one of the worst humans ever.

― jed_ (jed), Sunday, 30 October 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

my best friend's wedding is great!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 30 October 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)

any bad movie that can be turned into a drinking game is not without merit. any bad movie that is unintentionally funny has merit. also, bad movie that have explosions have, well, explosions. therefore, some merit. RtP cannot be turned into a drinking game (unless it's something like "chug everytime Hanks has a strained, glum expression!"), it's not unintentionally funny, and I don't recall any explosions (though there was some gunfire).

― gear (gear), Sunday, 30 October 2005 18:09 (twenty years ago)

All those Michael Bay movies (Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, etc.) are terrible, but they're also strangely watchable in a lazy-Sunday-afternoon way. He's good at pacing them - it's never boring, even if they're never dramatic. The acting is never stellar, but also not Mallrats-bad. And he has no pretentions about doing great work or making art, so you can't hold that against him.

― Are You Nomar? (miloaukerman), Sunday, 30 October 2005 20:49 (twenty years ago)

I saw Jarhead last night. It merits a big 'meh.'

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 30 October 2005 20:51 (twenty years ago)

(but it looks pretty great from time to time)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 30 October 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

my roomate thinks this is the best movie ever

― Stuh-du-du-du-du-du-du-denka (jingleberries), Sunday, 30 October 2005 23:22 (twenty years ago)

The comic rips it's plot off wholesale from aces manga Lone Wolf and Cub which was filmed really well as four Japanese flicks, the first two of which were condensed into the amazing Shogun Assassin. That just makes Road to Perdition even worse.

― Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Monday, 31 October 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

But Armageddon's pacing's just outright bizarre. It is like edited hilights for 3 hours. RtP's a nicely paced if moody, perfectly adequately acted if not especially original gangster flick. My Best Friend's Wedding was just appallingly off - the main character deserves no empathy yet it is clear that we're supposed to empathise. I hated that fucking movie.

― thousands of tiny luminous spheres (plebian), Monday, 31 October 2005 08:48 (twenty years ago)

oh fuck off, this film is fine.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 31 October 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)

I loved how you could tell at the end that Tom Hanks' character was going to get shot, because he entered a completely white room and Sam Mendes just *had* to cover that room in red blood.
And by "love," I mean "hated," of course.

-- Melissa W (MelCarame...), October 29th, 2005.

what does this mean? it's like saying 'orson welles just HAD to put in a pointless multi=pane deep-focus shot' or 'trust hitchcock to throw in a high-angle'.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 31 October 2005 09:39 (twenty years ago)

I loved how you could tell at the end that Tom Hanks' character was going to get shot, because he entered a completely white room and Sam Mendes just *had* to cover that room in red blood.

Oh, hey, and how about that neat trick where Hanks gets shot standing in front of a picture window and the bullet a) passes through his body and splatters the window with blood, and yet b) somehow doesn't break the window.

― Floyd the Barber (Floyd), Monday, 31 October 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

Road To Perdition has a lot stacked against it (ie, Tom Hanks).

― Dan (Excruciating Back Pain) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 October 2005 18:59 (twenty years ago)

i have no "objective" problem with tom hanks

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 31 October 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

my favorite bit is when a kindly farmer selflessly helps Tom Hanks and his li'l rugrat

― gear (gear), Monday, 31 October 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

I try and make it practice NOT to agree with Enrique (no hard feelings), but really, why THIS film? There are thousands of films worse than this!

― F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Monday, 31 October 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

I haven't seen the Halle Berry Catwoman thing, but otherwise, this is almost certainly the worst comic-to-film adaptation ever

― kit brash (kit brash), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 02:45 (twenty years ago)

I try and make it practice NOT to agree with Enrique (no hard feelings), but really, why THIS film? There are thousands of films worse than this!

Tom. Hanks.

― Dan (Irrational Hatred) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 02:46 (twenty years ago)

OTM

i've not seen the film and Tom Hanks is the reason for that.

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

It was really really awful, and not in a fun way. I do have the nagging feeling though that I have seen worse, though I can't think of anything in particular at the moment.

― So so Krispie (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

Shark Tale?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:11 (twenty years ago)

seven years pass...

I kind of want to see Road To Perdition even though i am thinking I will hate it?
I've recently read a few books by the bloke who wrote the graphic novel. I have enjoyed them. They were both about a hit man. The hit man likes tits and ass. The books I read were pretty /funny/.
Are there any Max Allan Collins fans up in this bitch? He has written a lot of books and I am not sure where to go. I kind of want to read his Richard Stark pastiches about hardboiled heister Nolan. I like stories in that style. A

― i guess i'd just rather listen to canned heat? (ian), Thursday, 21 March 2013 16:33 (thirteen years ago)

Funny does not come within two parsecs of the Road to Perdition movie. Unless you have a unique sense of humor.

― Aimless, Thursday, 21 March 2013 17:51 (thirteen years ago)

This movie was a true turd. Tom Hanks is an awful actor most of the time but this is extra bad.

― "Turkey In The Straw" coming from someplace in the clouds (Sparkle Motion), Thursday, 21 March 2013 17:56 (thirteen years ago)

Without getting into the merits, or otherwise, of the film as a whole, I do love the "Road to Chicago" sequence, set to the most beautiful piece of music in the whole film; the aerial tracking shot of the car crossing plains, and Hanks's passenger son stirring from sleep to see the city rising around them just as the strings hit is quite wonderful (prob open to complaints about the rendering of cgi-chicago, but I dunno, it still looks pretty good to me).

― that mustardless plate (Bill A), Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:29 (thirteen years ago)

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