So it happened. I've finally relapsed. I lasted all of two months.
Ha! The difference being, this time I'm not hopeless. If I sobered
up once I can do it again, and I can keep sobering up until I stay
sober. But it's one thing to know I need to start going to meetings
(never should have stopped really) and actually having the gumption
to get up and go. And it makes it even harder that a part of me
questions whether I need to quit - "this time it's different."
good ol stinkin thinkin! And it's undeniably true, this time I
have drank moderately. I still haven't gotten really smashed,
just a few beers/shots and I seem to be able to say no. but the
part of my brain that says "this time it's different" HAS to be
the sick, addicted me fighting for life. I may be drinking
responsibly RIGHT NOW, but that can never last. before long I'll
be doing everything else that alcoholics do - drinking on the job,
getting arrested for various offences, hanging out with/and or
dating shady characters, the list goes on. i've been to court
ordered rehab, i've seen the consequences of irresponsible
drinking first hand, and yet i can't seem to stop slipping into
the corner store almost every night for a nip of courage. does
anyone else sympathize?
― sqwurl puhlise, Sunday, 30 October 2005 02:25 (twenty years ago)
I'm lucky I don't have an addictive personality, but I can understand how you feel. You realize that a relapse is not the end of the world, but in your case it's part of recovery.
― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Sunday, 30 October 2005 13:11 (twenty years ago)
nine months pass...
I did this this week. and it wasn't until then that I realized I was an alcoholic, though my wife and everyone else has known this and told me it for 10 years. I believed I used to have a "drinking problem", but going 10 years w/out drinking had cured me of it. Unfortunatley, obviously, that isn't the case. I am an alcoholic, even when I don't drink. I am going back into the program after spending only one month doing it 10 years ago.
― akm (akmonday), Friday, 18 August 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)