Hi, I'm impaling for Governor. I am vampyr.

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http://www.jonathonforgovernor.us/Home_page.html

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:18 (twenty years ago)

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He
is my mortal enemy.

However, it doesn't mean that I hate all his
followers.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:22 (twenty years ago)

During my time as governor, drug dealers and users will live in fear. I
will introduce extremely harsh punishment for those who not only use
illegal drugs, I will fight to make dealers serve life in prison, or better
yet, Impalement.

Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am governor, will find
out what the true meaning of my nickname: “The Impaler!” I will impale
them right in front of our State Capital. Then Fed’s can take the
terrorist’s body from the impaling stake. If the US Department of
Justice (DOJ) wants to charge me with brutally murdering a terrorist,
they may do so. I do not see an American Jury convicting me.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:23 (twenty years ago)

He may have a point there.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:25 (twenty years ago)

Upon becoming President I will immediately recall ALL servicemen and
women from combat areas around the world. Additionally, I will have
President George W. Bush charged and tried for the murders of every
American that has been killed in Iraq as a result of him sending them into
War. Upon being convicted, I think everyone knows what his punishment will
be.

I am sick and damn tired of this government, especially the present
administration use and abuse of American Servicemen along with women.
Especially our Veterans! Children are growing up with the pain and
emptiness of losing a parent in WAR, a war we need be involved in.

If a foreign leader or terrorist was a problem with America or Americans, they
can take it up personally with me, when I become Commander-In-Chief.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:31 (twenty years ago)

Well I'M convinced...

― Jimmy Mod (I myself am lethal at 100 -110dB) (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:33 (twenty years ago)

http://herndon1.sdrdc.com/cgi-bin/fecimg/?P80002884

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Thursday, 12 January 2006 19:25 (twenty years ago)

Huk, are you MY DAD? Jesus, man!

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 12 January 2006 19:51 (twenty years ago)

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 12 January 2006 19:52 (twenty years ago)

Er, the pun was an accident, not, um, being yr father. That was because your mother and I loved each other very much.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 12 January 2006 19:54 (twenty years ago)

Wait wait, is this the part where you offer me a chance to rule the Empire at your side? Because I think I know how this one ends already.

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:00 (twenty years ago)

Reading more abotu his agendas, it seems like the one group who can totally sidestep left/right political division is the Satanists.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:03 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry, I meant the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

Here's where it actually gets scary:
http://www.jonathonforgovernor.us/Jonathons_Dark_Side.html

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:18 (twenty years ago)

That's more or less what I was talking about. I still know how it ends.

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:19 (twenty years ago)

He dated Björk!

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit! I don't even wanna know what happened with "Susan" that the guy doesn't go into detail with, even if it got him into jail.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 12 January 2006 20:27 (twenty years ago)

Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays, especially
from a politician. So, I am not going to break from
political tradition. My name is Jonathon “The
Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark
Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch.
My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

I guess that means this is all a joke, since he is not going to break from political tradition w/regards to honesty. Duh.

― Duh, Thursday, 12 January 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

No, this is obviously po-faced earnestness in its purest form.

― Dan (FFS) Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 12 January 2006 21:23 (twenty years ago)

Then, he needs an editor (obviously, among other things).

― Duh, Thursday, 12 January 2006 21:29 (twenty years ago)

he used to be friends with Jeb before they had a falling out!

ihttp://www.jonathonforgovernor.us/images/Rocky_Lourdes_and_Jeb_1.jpg

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 12 January 2006 21:32 (twenty years ago)

he advocates impaling president bush though!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 12 January 2006 21:41 (twenty years ago)

Oh my lord. He is in the same building as me right now!

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 04:23 (twenty years ago)

this politician, he speaks good sense.

― Mr. Vas Djifrens (byzantum), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 04:28 (twenty years ago)

thogh i am not sure if i trustworthy a Vampyre as i would a fellow lycanthrope. but it is step in right direction, i say.

― Mr. Vas Djifrens (byzantum), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 04:38 (twenty years ago)

I like that he spells his name with a t-h-O-n at the end. It's a Jon-a-thon!

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 05:41 (twenty years ago)

Got my vote.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 05:42 (twenty years ago)

So, I am not going to break from
political tradition

Actually, it says "I am going to break from political tradition." I don't think this is satire -- it seems too hard to make up.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 05:45 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

We all saw this coming!

Vampire candidate arrested on Ind. charges

PRINCETON, Minn., Jan. 31 (UPI) -- Self-described vampire and Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey has been arrested on Indiana charges of stalking and escape.
Sharkey is wanted in Indianapolis on the charges on which bond has been set at $100,000, the Princeton (Minn.) Union-Eagle reported.
Princeton police said their search discovered the May 2005 warrants that led to Sharkey's arrest Monday.
Sharkey, 41, a native of Elizabethtown, N.J., has lived in Princeton since October.
Sharkey gained the limelight earlier this month with his Friday the 13th announcement of his candidacy for Minnesota governor under the Vampires, Witches and Pagans Party banner.
Among his proposals was one that would use impalement to execute murderers, rapists and terrorists.
"As governor," Sharkey said, "terrorists and criminals will live in fear of me, while the people of this state will be able to live fear free."
Specifics of the Indiana charges against Sharkey were not known immediately.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 2 February 2006 18:38 (twenty years ago)

http://wcco.com/topstories/local_story_031105113.html

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 2 February 2006 18:39 (twenty years ago)

How many ex-wives does this man have? I count a Lauren, an Angela, a Lourdes, and "crazy partner" Susan, and now Julie. I think they may be made up, esp. after the part where he claims he slept with his half-sister not knowing she was related to him.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 2 February 2006 18:50 (twenty years ago)

Ha, I actually met this dude's lawyer on Monday and he told me about this!

― A BOLD QUAHOG (ex machina), Thursday, 2 February 2006 18:56 (twenty years ago)

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