teach me to be conservative

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the crazy anarchist marxist girl i like likes someone else. i want to buy j. crew slacks and go golfing. but what do i need to think to fit in down at the driving lanes? poor people smell? drill alaska? or something like that?

― the broken hearted, Friday, 27 January 2006 20:48 (twenty years ago)

remember that wealth is a virtue and never question the status quo.

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Friday, 27 January 2006 20:58 (twenty years ago)

working knowledge of scotches and sherries

― stockholm cindy (winter version) (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 27 January 2006 20:59 (twenty years ago)

family connections, breeding

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:01 (twenty years ago)

"The U.S. Constitution says NOTHING about a separation of church and state. You should try reading it sometime."

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:02 (twenty years ago)

Don't move your jaw when you talk.

― andy --, Friday, 27 January 2006 21:05 (twenty years ago)

eat a baby.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:06 (twenty years ago)

if golfing and wearing j. crew slacks is conservative than I want to be William F-ing Buckley.

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

Apparently the first and only question my girlfriend's father wanted to know about me was "whether I was a liberal". I am not hugely looking forward to meeting them.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:09 (twenty years ago)

J. Crew and golf =/= conservative! Also, make half-assed arguments about privatization of social services and the "free market" and the efficiency of big business (a myth put nicely to rest by the fact that most national chain stores in New Orleans are STILL not open, making the quick-responding local businesses very happy).

― adam (adam), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:09 (twenty years ago)

To go along, get along.

― Bnad, Friday, 27 January 2006 21:09 (twenty years ago)

drown things in bathtubs

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

If I say "Sir, I know I'm a foreigner here, and I wouldn't like to comment on the politics of another country" will that be enough, or will they make me swear allegiance or some shit like that?

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:11 (twenty years ago)

decry a future of human-box turtle marriages

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:11 (twenty years ago)

whenever he asks for a personal opinion just say "that's classified".

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:12 (twenty years ago)

"giving you that information would aid the enemy"

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:12 (twenty years ago)

where did that "human-box turtle marriage" meme come from!?? This is the second time I've seen it ref'd as a jokey consequence of "gay marriage"...

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:13 (twenty years ago)

just tell your gf's dad that he claps like a homosexual, that will shut him up.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:14 (twenty years ago)

Most actual conservatives that I have socialized with are much jollier about political conversation than one would expect. (Unless they are insane baby-drowning killjoys.) Have a few drinks and make back-slapping cracks about each others political viewpoints. Nothing could be more American!

― mcd (mcd), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:19 (twenty years ago)

You know what a Kegel exercise is? Just do the first part.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:20 (twenty years ago)

where did that "human-box turtle marriage" meme come from!??

From the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter himself.

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:22 (twenty years ago)

http://www.boingboing.net/2004/07/18/gay_marriage_compare.html

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:23 (twenty years ago)

I could really go for some hot box-turtle action right now.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:23 (twenty years ago)

I thought it was John Cornyn.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:24 (twenty years ago)

oh, damn, I could have sworn it was Santorum. It sounds like something he'd say.

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:26 (twenty years ago)

fun Cornyn fact: he was the head of the George Wallace '68 club in his embassy high school.

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:27 (twenty years ago)

BUY A BUNCH OF GUNS LOL

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:56 (twenty years ago)

Go sailin' in a yacht!!! :D

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:56 (twenty years ago)

Sex? MISSIONARY STYLE.

ROFL

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:58 (twenty years ago)

Have fun goin' to church on Sunday......TWICE :D

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 27 January 2006 21:59 (twenty years ago)

"The U.S. Constitution says NOTHING about a right to privacy! The work 'privacy' appears nowhere in there! You should try reading it sometime."

"American public schools have a monopoly on education."

"The free market and free trade will solve all ills, so competition and privatization should always be demanded at all levels."

"the father must command his family with a stern hand."

"we need to build that wall along the us-mexican border."

But yeah, wealth is a virtue, rich people are thrifty and hard working, poor people are lazy and deserve to be poor, etc etc etc

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:06 (twenty years ago)

Why is there any need to be deceitful? Just present him with the facts and I'm sure he'll come around. Tell him how socialism eliminated poverty wherever it was implemented. Point out to him how many thousands flee from south florida each year to escape from the capitalist dog-eat-dog jungle to seek sanction in the socialist paradise of Cuba with its universal healthcare. And explain why, given the evident social injustice which exists under capitalism, all leftists today advocate the outlawing of private property and market exchange.

― sejb, Friday, 27 January 2006 22:20 (twenty years ago)

you're being a twat

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:22 (twenty years ago)

and use the term "dimmycrat"

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:23 (twenty years ago)

Take comfort knowing that there is no such thing as 'society'.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Friday, 27 January 2006 22:25 (twenty years ago)

And "dumbocraps" in unsigned email harangues.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Friday, 27 January 2006 22:27 (twenty years ago)

Have children. Then you can condescend towards single liberals that "things are different when you have kids."

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:29 (twenty years ago)

..Also emphasize that the liberal-left prefers to engage in open empirical inquiry rather than resorting to crude dogmatic denunciations.

― sejb, Friday, 27 January 2006 22:29 (twenty years ago)

Have children. Then you can condescend towards single liberals that "things are different when you have kids."

have TONS of kids, then remind single liberals that "saving up is important" (like you have any other choice).

― stockholm cindy (winter version) (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:30 (twenty years ago)

you're still being a twat

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:40 (twenty years ago)

that makes two of us

― stockholm cindy (winter version) (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:49 (twenty years ago)

Why is there any need to be deceitful? Just present him with the facts and I'm sure he'll come around. Tell him how socialism eliminated poverty wherever it was implemented.
but that's not true! there's been many socialist states that failed totally for one reason or another (some failures were expressly caused by destabilization measures by foreign powers apparently less than "confident" that capitalism economies tower over others purely on economic "merit", but yeah a failure is a failure, right?)
Point out to him how many thousands flee from south florida each year to escape from the capitalist dog-eat-dog jungle to seek sanction in the socialist paradise of Cuba with its universal healthcare.
it's also marked by intolerance, totalitarianism and lack of certain individual freedoms, I hope those escapees know what they're getting into. but I'll give you universal healthcare. wonderful program, that.
And explain why, given the evident social injustice which exists under capitalism, all leftists today advocate the outlawing of private property and market exchange.
but why? why wouldn't they attempt to temper the iniquitous side-effects of capitalism with social-democratic measures, at least in the short run?

plz to explain.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Friday, 27 January 2006 22:53 (twenty years ago)

I hope those escapees know what they're getting into

with this line, you took it too far

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 23:04 (twenty years ago)

"Tell him how socialism eliminated poverty wherever it was implemented."

I get so tired of this line of reasoning - socialism has never been implemented anywhere. State-run capitalist regimes, on the other hand, deliberately obfuscated their policies by labelling them "socialist" or "communist".

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 27 January 2006 23:19 (twenty years ago)

Christianity hasn't been implemented either! (maybe saying this to conservatives wouldnt be a good idea tho)

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 27 January 2006 23:25 (twenty years ago)

that wasn't to you, jbr

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 27 January 2006 23:27 (twenty years ago)

socialism has never been implemented anywhere.

Never? Anywhere? Not even some small-scale commune, or the kibbutzim, or something?

"Never anywhere" seems foolishly dogmatic.

― phil d. (Phil D.), Saturday, 28 January 2006 00:23 (twenty years ago)

I hope those escapees know what they're getting into

with this line, you took it too far

how so?

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Saturday, 28 January 2006 00:28 (twenty years ago)

The Nazis were socialists.

― andy --, Saturday, 28 January 2006 01:05 (twenty years ago)

here's a good conservative talking point: whenever elections or political history or anything comes up, you can knowingly say (after sipping your scotch), "you know, the united states isn't a democracy. it's a republic."

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 28 January 2006 01:10 (twenty years ago)

This question is answered quite well by the American Environics research into American cultural values someone mentioned on another thread, and which I've summarised here.

"Environics found [American] social values moving away from the authority end of the scale, with its emphasis on responsibility, duty, and tradition, to a more atomized, rage-filled outlook that values consumption, sexual permissiveness, and xenophobia."

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 28 January 2006 04:16 (twenty years ago)

(And if we want to plot the moment America started its turn from trad conservative values to today's atomised "anger management" style, I'd say it happened right between Devo's "Duty Now For The Future" and "Freedom of Choice" albums, ie in 1980... the year Ronald Reagan was elected president.)

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 28 January 2006 04:32 (twenty years ago)

sigh

― stockholm cindy (winter version) (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 28 January 2006 04:45 (twenty years ago)

I assume everyone realised sejb was being sarcastic, and is having a crack at "lefties".

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 28 January 2006 05:20 (twenty years ago)

"The free market and free trade will solve all ills, so competition and privatization should always be demanded at all levels."

I don't think "conservatives" claim anything can solve "all problems," anyone who claims they have solutions for all the worlds problems should be ignored.

"socialism has never been implemented anywhere."

what a cop out. it's never been implemented everywhere because it can't work. planned economies ultimately require power to be concentrated in the hands of the few, and power corrupts -- always. This is the problem I have with Nader et al, their criticisms of the government are spot on yet their solution of simply "put us in charge" don't seem that appealing.

― nofrontin, Saturday, 28 January 2006 06:55 (twenty years ago)

Regan eh, Id blame Mr Bentham, but I know virtually nothing about political thought--doesnt capitalism also require power to be concentrated in the hands of the few? China has to be the best example + and - of free market, least theyve moved from starving to worrrying about BMWs.

ok DONT LET ME KILL THIS THREAD

To answer the thread: become clear, direct, blunt and pragmatic.

― Stating the Obvious, Saturday, 28 January 2006 08:36 (twenty years ago)

Cathy if youre out there I still havent got your email darl!!!

Yours in Hope Faith Love and Charity

― Kiwi, Saturday, 28 January 2006 09:02 (twenty years ago)

I think ultimately society would be best served by electing independant-minded candidates who didn't try to be conservative or liberal but just made decisions based on the facts on hand. MOderates, unite!

― Mr. Latham Green (hanle y 3000), Saturday, 28 January 2006 09:19 (twenty years ago)

abandon feelings of hope faith love and charity.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Saturday, 28 January 2006 09:22 (twenty years ago)

sounds awfully heretical but nevermind, so I replace them with what?

― Kiwi, Saturday, 28 January 2006 09:26 (twenty years ago)

MOderates, unite

Hehe, I was wondering the other day if there ever was aparty called the Moderates.

― Louis Giomblechett and his kerayzy friends (dog latin), Saturday, 28 January 2006 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Do people mean 'conservative', or do they mean 'right-wing'? I'm a conservative, I'm not a right-winger. I hate when people confuse the two...

― patrick bateman (mickeygraft), Saturday, 28 January 2006 17:59 (twenty years ago)

I know...this thread is depressing because it baldly reveals why the political left is almost decimated in the First World: a failure to deploy argumentative tactics that can differentiate between cultural, political and economic conservativism, and cultural, political and economic right-wing / neo-con positions. There are at least six strata of thought there, and most of the people on this thread fail to understand why these distinctions are *crucial.*
Does Anarchist=Marxist=Socialist=Radical=Left=Liberal=Progressive? No. So get it together.

― paulhw (paulhw), Saturday, 28 January 2006 23:24 (twenty years ago)

THIS IS A JOKE THREAD

― dancing chicken (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 28 January 2006 23:35 (twenty years ago)

why is it that liberals(or non-conservatives) can only take a joke when it's directed at them? How's that working for you? Thanks for the finger wagging, very reasonable and all but fuck.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Saturday, 28 January 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

thank you xpost.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Saturday, 28 January 2006 23:52 (twenty years ago)

Fine, but point me to a recent political thread on ILE that treats conservativism as more than a joke (or some Bush-Blair-horror) thread, and some of us interested in arguing a serious case for it can leave this kind of thread alone.

― paulhw (paulhw), Sunday, 29 January 2006 00:33 (twenty years ago)

why don't you start one? you could call it, RIGHT LIKE ME.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 29 January 2006 00:56 (twenty years ago)

The reason most ILE threads treat conservatism as a joke might be explained by the last couple of frames of this PowerPoint pdf entitled "The Axis of UKIP", which show that university graduates and internet users are far less likely to be conservatives than the population at large. If you're a conservative, you're a minority in an intelligent online forum, even if you aren't when you're walking down the street.

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 29 January 2006 03:33 (twenty years ago)

-- gypsy mothra (meetm...), January 27th, 2006 8:10 PM. (gypsy mothra)

OK this is not a "conservative talking point"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 29 January 2006 04:25 (twenty years ago)

they're the only ones i ever hear making it. well, conservative-libertarian types. (but let's not have that argument hear plz. i've been around that barn so many times, and it never leads anywhere.)

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 29 January 2006 04:33 (twenty years ago)

hear=here. on this nice thread.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 29 January 2006 04:34 (twenty years ago)

people who nit-pick about terms that have been used as a general description = duddo.

― Vintage Latin (dog latin), Sunday, 29 January 2006 05:38 (twenty years ago)

nine years pass...

http://www.vice.com/read/jason-brad-berry-david-vitter-121

― reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 27 October 2015 21:35 (ten years ago)

wow.

The opposition researcher Berry spoke with put him through to Ellis, who he interviewed in Texas, where she was being treated for a terminal case of lupus. (Her deteriorating medical condition, she claims, is one reason she is telling her story now.)

this has all the makings of a really powerful three-hankie fallen-woman melodrama from the 1940s. dying prostitute tells deathbed story of the politician whose child she bore?

― wizzz! (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 October 2015 21:41 (ten years ago)

It's interesting how conservatives used to be all j crew wearing stern fathers (in the american imagination) and now they're frothing wild eyed maniacs who want to destroy the government. David Brooks' apoplexy over this has been interesting to watch too in a guilty pleasure reality tv way.

― Spooky H (Treeship), Tuesday, 27 October 2015 21:51 (ten years ago)

Dude takes a drumming in the comments every day but he soldiers on

― Spooky H (Treeship), Tuesday, 27 October 2015 21:52 (ten years ago)

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