jurassic park

At this stage I’d be disappointed if these films weren’t dumb and bad - I was saying after the first Jurassic world that it would be a betrayal if the trilogy didn’t end with genetically engineered dinopeople, talking raptors, the full gremlins 2 basically - so I can’t say this one didn’t meet my minimum requirements, but it’s dumb and bad and boring for too much of its runtime. There were some cool bits once they got to the mansion tho

When they were sailing away from the island I thought to myself “this fuckin film is a ballhair away from showing a single tear rolling down a velociraptor’s cheek” and then half an hour later that ballhair had been well and truly eaten

don’t u dare sully the gleefully inventive gremlins 2 by association with this production-line sludge

a few of my friends told me they were sobbing throughout the film and I'm like, cool that's what this franchise has always needed, huggable dinosaurs

more pathos, baby. more pathos.

also there's another "dinosaurs as super soldiers" moment where you'll think to yourself "isn't it just easier to fire a million bullets at someone"

bg otm Gremlins 2 is some top notch funnel cake

Gremlins 2 r00lz. Hulk Hogan bebeh

Duh I love gremlins 2! I want jw3 to be a version of that (a bad version, because these films are bad)

Lol Neanderthal it’s funny that everyone talks about Spielberg’s schmaltz but he was never as desperate as this, the dumb soap opera of “blue” is so much harder to love than a sick triceratops

also there's another "dinosaurs as super soldiers" moment where you'll think to yourself "isn't it just easier to fire a million bullets at someone"

Hey guys! Tired of cooking? Let a raptor catch and cook your dinner!

okay, here’s my pitch: corporation starts cloning dinosaurs solely to use them as a source of meat for human consumption after a virus causes the world’s pig population to die off, threatening mass starvation

one thing leads to another, dinos get loose, start eating the meat factory workers, yadda yadda

it would be called jurassic pork obv

wonder if they have looked into doing prequels. would be easy to say the first JP wasn't the first time shit hit the fan.

think about it, you can bring back John Arnold, Dennis Nedry, and Robert Muldoon. they can do some Newman jokes. Samuel L Jackson can yell about "motherf*cking dinosaurs"

God that would suck. You’re right tho, it’s not implausible that they would go for that

would be easy to say the first JP wasn't the first time shit hit the fan well yeah according to the JP prologue an employee got killed by a dinosaur before the park even opened with zero consequence

Jurassic Park: First Day Of Camp

how quickly we have forgotten JURASSIC GUMP

There is pterodactyl porn

wonder if they have looked into doing prequels. would be easy to say the first JP wasn't the first time shit hit the fan.

this is already basically the plot of The Lost World

I mean it's not a prequel but it's about the island before the Jurassic Park island

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy5maENuo3Q

well this basically beat my rock bottom expectations by being completely ridiculous and never ceasing to pile on more nonsense, whereas the first one was just rote and stupid. so many dumb dumb things happening in short succession, threads established then dropped completely, whole populations of people who just appear and disappear from the movie depending what's going on. the spooky house business wasn't all that spooky but it was such a wonderful change of pace to not be running around in the jungle once again. who knew what the lost world needed was for the san diego fourth act to be MORE of the movie? good lord but it was choppily put together though, felt like whole b- and c-stories were being crammed in for a few seconds and then rushed off again, like three people were playing a game where on your turn you can either add a scene OR remove one of your opponents' scenes from the board. so it's a disaster, and nowhere near as on its game as corman (who had low budget to keep him and his people focused) but at least had a general vibe of giddy stupidity that was allllmost enough, sometimes, to get you past the fact that the two leads are death on the screen and nobody in the universe cares one tiny bit about "blue" and the stupid bond chris pratt has with her. kind of funny how by domesticating the once fearsome raptors they're stuck perpetually inventing shitty new dinosaurs with no aura, screen presence, or even memorable appearances. nice to see them placed in actual creative set pieces again, even if most of them aren't really well developed. i dunno, not the worst way i've ever killed two hours before a flight.

This was enjoyable enough I thought. I enjoyed the audacity of all these intertwined dumb plot lines, it feels like they had 5 bad ideas for a sequel and hoped that putting them all in the same movie would confuse the audience enough to not dwell too much on any of it.

At least they’ve finally laid the groundwork for a film all about a theme park full of rampaging cloned little girls

but we already have westworld

I've seen this movie a lot in the last 25 or whatever years, but I'm pretty sure my wife had not seen it since the theaters, and my younger kid (now 11) had never seen it. Latest thoughts: set pieces are practically perfect, and that includes, against all odds, the effects. And the rest is so masterfully made that dumb little moments (even my kid was wondering how everyone was having a conversation on the helicopter at the start without headphones, or how in the world the kid survived one serious calamity after another) and its pervasive corniness (straight out of a 50s b-movie) in some ways only enhances the overall effect. That is to say, the juxtaposition of state of the art fx and sophisticated action/horror editing against some seriously cornpone dialogue and ott reaction shots and whatnot is pretty striking. Anyway, my wife commented that it was even better than she remembered. Younger kid said it was "OK," but she's a tough critic.

Younger kid OTM

I watched the first one the other day for the first time since its initial theatrical release, and I wasn't crazy about it back then but, hey, it's pretty good! And then tonight I watched the second one for the first time ever, and it turns out that years of hearing how dumb and bad it is helped lower my expectations enough that I at least half enjoyed it. It was certainly less dumb and bad than Jurassic World. It started and ended strong and had some pretty good + tense action setpieces, but also it probably should've just been called Jurassic Park 2: Physics Isn't Actually a Thing. Sometimes Spielberg needs to make up his mind as to whether he wants us to take a scenario seriously or whether he wants to just direct a Looney Tune except then he doesn't make up his mind and it makes for some discordant tonal shifts (eg cliffhanger sequence where the four main protagonists are in serious mortal danger and three of them zip harmlessly through a plummeting vehicle like they're enjoying a curly slide while the one person trying to obey the laws of the known universe is torn gracelessly in half by a couple of t-rexes). Like I've heard ample snickering about the girl going all Gymkata on a velociraptor but really that was among the least egregious reality violations.

I'm sure more questions will arise the further out I get from the experience but first on the list is: what exactly ate the crew of the ship that crashed into the dock in San Diego if the t-rex and its behbeh were still safely locked up below decks? Was it just a spontaneous case of cannibalism? And why did whatever ate those dudes eat everything but their hands? Are there any other predatory animals which display this behavior? Like taking a money by surprise and leaving nothing behind but a money paw clutching a banana?

I don't know why I expect anyone to remember minute plot details about The Lost World twenty-two years after its release but I do. I do expect this.

The one dude's poison dart gun was set up so beautifully at the beginning of the film that I just sat waiting in breathless anticipation, wondering how Spielberg would inevitably Chekhov it later in the film, but...nothing. The cage that could be hoisted above the treeline to keep its users safe and sound? Surely that notion would go awry in some way. But...no, it was hoisted above the treeline and did indeed provide a secure place for people to avoid being eaten.

I appreciated that the jeep in the first film could barely outpace a t-rex but I guess if the horde of people you're a part of is panicked enough you can elude the beastie on foot just fine, even through an untamed jungle.

I'd always counted The Lost World as Spielberg's worst film--until Ready Player One happened.

His actual worst film will probably always be his segment from Twilight Zone: the Movie but it's not an entire film so no one will ever take my very correct suggestion seriously.

I like that he was willing to get a little darker in the second one, at least. If you ever wondered what people sound like as they're being devoured, this movie is for you.

His actual worst film will probably always be his segment from /Twilight Zone: the Movie/

hook, y'all, it's hook

Can't really argue against that, but I still think that the early, London-set scenes in Hook are quite lovely, and Hoffman and Hoskins do some entertaining hamming. But those Lost Boys sequences are rough.

Spielberg movies I will probably never watch but am happy to assume are trash: The Terminal, Ready Player One, and probably the second half of Crystal Skull

Really though, The Lost World was surprisingly not-bad enough that I'm a little more jazzed to see some Spielberg that I might've unjustly ignored. Like Always, which is in this set I have with the Jurassic Parks and ET and Jaws (because why wouldn't Always be nestled in that particular set?). It always looked kinda boring and I've literally never heard anyone say a single word about it, but I was just adequately entertained by what some argue is Spielberg's worst film, so why not? What other magic might he have up his sleeve? Might 1941 become less of an interminable slog after the twenty minutes I watched? Could be! He's a filmsmith, that Spielberg!

always is fine, 1941 is not fine, ready player one is roughly as embarrassing as your dad announcing over the school PA that he’s here to deliver the diarrhoea medication you accidentally left behind on the breakfast table this morning

I found Munich to be the Ready Player One of his adult movies - it’s such a gruesome “take me seriously!!” movie

https://screencrush.com/lost-world-jurassic-park-easter-egg/

I thought that was going to be about when the t-rex walks past a basketball court and mimes dribbling.

Well, the Eyes Wide Shut turned to utter shit. No reason this one shouldn't too, I guess.

(the Eyes Wide Shut THREAD turned, et al)

I don't know what happened in the Eyes Wide Shut thraed but I am making the effort to discuss my recent viewings of the film Jurassic Park and its sequel Jurassic Park: The Lost World which seems to be within the rubric. Perhaps you are aggrieved because I gave Jurassic Park: The Lost World ** instead of 1/2*, in which case you will find comment cards in the back of the room and a box into which you can drop yours once you've filled it out. If the ink pens on the table are dried out just let me know, I think I have an extra in my satchel.

(That was directed at the predictable thread-revive rush to namecheck Spielberg's "worst" films.)

bridge of zzz's is as bad as many of his other movies many of which think they are good but they are in fact bad

god forbid we let the sainted jurassic park thread fall foul of mischief

lol i wasnt even gonna acknowledge but yes

I think, ultimately, the Spielberg I have the least amount of time for is his Steven Schmaltzberg persona. Which is why I find his Twilight Zone segment so gross. So much whimsy! So much wonder! Trilling flutes and mouths agape in awe! On that tip, I feel like the awe on display in Jurassic Park was proportionate to the sitch and quite restrained for him. And then it was completely absent in The Lost World and I think that's a very good thing indeed. Even the kid who saw a t-rex in his back yard (which he presumably watched gobble down his dog off-camera) seemed only half-moved by the experience.