on the other hand I have only just realised - after years of guilt - that it's not up to me on my own to fix it.
No it isn't up to one side to fix it but you can't sit back and wait for the other side to do so either. you have to make the effort needed of you and let them respond.
or at least that's what I need to do with my mom. My grandmother dying last year has just put that much more distance btw us. Since then my mother has kind of opened the door by saying that when her mother died she realized how much they weren't close and she didn't want to make the same mistake with me. There's my cue to speak up.
But I haven't yet b/c my mother's health is so touch and go. I really expected her to die before my grandmother. her doctors have basically said she will never get "better" we just have to keep her from getting worse. So all the things I feel stand between us, I've been reluctant to bring up b/c it won't be pretty. I don't want to upset her, make her sicker etc. also my mother's a petty, selfish queen. She has no qualms about cutting family out of her life and depending on how she wants to react to the things I have to say to her she could decide to cut me out. My brother says that will be her choice and it's a risk I've got to take b/c she'll never address these issues herself. And she and I will never be close until they are aired.
arrrggghhhhh.
― Ms. Misery TX (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:30 (seventeen years ago) link
Pretty good thanks luna, apart from the heat! A few aches and pains but I have more energy than I did at first - just looking forward to 20 week scan in two weeks. Oh and thanks for your ecard :)
I still don't have a nice pregnant looking bump though, just a podgy bit that looks like I've eaten too many pies :(
― Archel (Archel), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:34 (seventeen years ago) link
― Archel (Archel), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:36 (seventeen years ago) link
Spencer was over at my mom's house tonight with Eric to set up my mom's new computer, and her brother the cunt, who lives there, physically threatened my child. Apparently, Spencer took a tootsie roll pop over to mom's and laid it down on the table before going off to watch daddy set up the computer, and Bryan ate it without asking him. Spencer, as some children are wont to do, got upset and demanded that Bryan pay him a dollar so he could go to the store and buy another ten pack (you can't buy them singly there, you see) and Bryan said "well, shouldn't have left it out on the table." Spencer then got a glass of water and said "if you don't give me the dollar, I'll throw water on you."
We stop here to note that his parents do not condone or tolerate threats, and have spoken to him about this in the past.
Spencer says that Bryan then chased him through the house into the back room where he ended up "trapped behind the door to teach him a lesson about respect and what happens when you threaten people who are bigger than you," (a direct quote from Bryan to me). Eric was in the room, and saw Bryan viciously shove the door handle into Spencer's chest out of the corner of his eye. At that point, he stood up and threatened to throw B off the balcony, had a minor yelling match with my drunken mother (who swears Bryan is telling the truth even though she was in the other room and Eric and Spencer both told the same story to me separately), and packed Spencer up and brought him home.
I tried to call over there, but neither of them will talk to me after I tried to explain to them Spencer's side of the story and refused to accept that Bryan didn't "do it on purpose" or, in a later version, didn't do it at all. "Aimee Aimee Aimee, he says, you're overreacting." I'M OVERREACTING? You physically threaten my son, shove a pointy doorhandle into his chest WHILE YOU HAVE HIM TRAPPED BEHIND THE DOOR, and I'm overreacting?
He's lucky I don't go throw him off the balcony myself.
― luna (luna.c), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:39 (seventeen years ago) link
― Ms. Misery TX (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:47 (seventeen years ago) link
― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:51 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Friday, 28 July 2006 13:53 (seventeen years ago) link
― Jerk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 28 July 2006 14:11 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 28 July 2006 14:15 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Friday, 28 July 2006 14:26 (seventeen years ago) link
― patita (patita), Friday, 28 July 2006 20:05 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Monday, 31 July 2006 01:12 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Monday, 31 July 2006 01:16 (seventeen years ago) link
― teeny (teeny), Monday, 31 July 2006 11:00 (seventeen years ago) link
How does that work, exactly? :)
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 31 July 2006 11:31 (seventeen years ago) link
― Archel (Archel), Monday, 31 July 2006 11:46 (seventeen years ago) link
I don't know what to tell you about your mom Luna. I think that shall be my situation soon. This hospital round has highlight some of her problems and we (family) can't ignore them anymore. I'm feeling like whatever resolution is tried it will end up with she and I no longer speaking. and that's just the way it is.
― Ms. Misery TX (MissMiseryTX), Monday, 31 July 2006 11:49 (seventeen years ago) link
Oh hell, I don't know. Nevahmind.
― luna (luna.c), Monday, 31 July 2006 16:08 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 31 July 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link
Anyway, I don't know, maybe it's not a good idea here, so I'll just put the whole notion to bed for now, but you know, if anyone ever does become interested, lemme know.
― luna (luna.c), Monday, 31 July 2006 16:47 (seventeen years ago) link
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 13:39 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 13:42 (seventeen years ago) link
what's lined up for you next?
― Ms. Misery TX (MissMiseryTX), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 13:45 (seventeen years ago) link
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 13:49 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 13:52 (seventeen years ago) link
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 13:56 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 14:05 (seventeen years ago) link
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 14:07 (seventeen years ago) link
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 14:53 (seventeen years ago) link
Way to go, Huk!
I'm sorry to hear about the family dramas. I'm glad though, Sam, that you are ready to do something about it, even if you're not sure exactly what yet.
I feel like I don't have much to report myself. I spent the last two weekends at music festivals, festivaling it up. It's 92 degrees here in Chicago with some god-awful heat index. We lost power last night for at least an hour. I very quickly grew to appreciate our little window AC unit.
Our band keeps playing shows. We had our cd release mid-July and it went pretty well. Nick and I are still on to get married June 2nd, 07. :-D
― Queen Sarah Saturday (coco), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 14:54 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 15:04 (seventeen years ago) link
Either way, I suppose congratulations are in order.
― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 16:05 (seventeen years ago) link
i miss it here. hope everyone is good. its 98 degrees here.
― slow jamz and white guy indie acoustic shit (Chris V), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 18:33 (seventeen years ago) link
― Queen Sarah Saturday (coco), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 18:52 (seventeen years ago) link
― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 22:21 (seventeen years ago) link
― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 02:16 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 03:25 (seventeen years ago) link
― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 03:45 (seventeen years ago) link
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:19 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:31 (seventeen years ago) link
― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:56 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 15:01 (seventeen years ago) link
But yeah, no, not exactly what I mean. I dunno, some things sound like such good ideas at times, and then in the cold, harsh light of day, they just... don't.
― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 15:03 (seventeen years ago) link
Forgive me for not knowing the mechanics of this message board community well, but -- why? Why would there be this huge controversy over something that's as simple as that which you proposed? Does this have any relation to the seeming existence of "golden children" on this forum? You know -- offend the wrong people for whatever stupid reason(s) they propose and instantly encounter hurricane-strength wrath? I say just go with your idea and "fuck the hataz", as the young people of today would put it.
― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Thursday, 3 August 2006 04:29 (seventeen years ago) link
sam and luna, best wishes to deal with icky family situations. luna, i think you did well to not hit a certain someone upside the head with a frying pan (like people do in cartoons, but never seem to do in real life).
m.white, i was giving you as an example of the kind of guy that could wear a seersucker suit and get away with it. do you have any?
sarah, glad to hear the band is going well, i really hope i can hear you guys sometime when i visit chicago.
yay for huck finally quitting your job!
not sure if i have an opinion about the girl-slanted board alternative. i spend more time on another site at the moment that's mostly girls, and it's generally more polite and stuff, but there can be some really nasty and mean stuff. but you don't get the random noize dudes, either, so that makes things less annoying if you're trying to be even a little serious...
hope everyone is having an ok monday
― colette (a2lette), Monday, 7 August 2006 09:41 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 7 August 2006 12:52 (seventeen years ago) link
My mom called me Saturday afternoon. Didn't apologize exactly, but said she missed me, missed Spencer, and just felt terrible about the whole thing. We talked about it a little, but she still doesn't want to hear that Eric isn't the devil here, but I think I got her to admit to as much as I can for now. I took her shopping yesterday, like I do most weekends, and we chatted idly about everything BUT what happened last week, but you know, I think that's okay for now.
The best news she had was that Bryan is leaving for Thailand on Wednesday.
― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 August 2006 19:46 (seventeen years ago) link
How have the rest of you been doing? It feels freeing posting here again under a new username, but awkward because it means I could not make a successful disconnect from ILX. *shrug* It shouldn't matter, really. And it doesn't, not now. I'm perfectly happy just having fun around here the way I should've since the beginning.
And when are we all going to converge for a TITTWIS FAP? Or is that completely off the schedule?
― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Thursday, 10 August 2006 05:04 (seventeen years ago) link
― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Thursday, 10 August 2006 09:06 (seventeen years ago) link
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 10 August 2006 09:25 (seventeen years ago) link