Kids say the funniest things

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Yesterday:

10-year-old daughter : "Mummy, is it true there's such a thing as Mail Order Brides??"

Me : Yes, there is.

10-y-o-D : That's so degrading! And dangerous! What if they were ordered by a nutter??

Ensuing conversation explaining why this sort of thing goes on.

Five minutes later, her younger sister pipes up :

8-year-old daughter: Do they come wearing wedding dresses?

Me : pardon?

8-y-o-D : The Mail Order Brides. When you order one, does she arrive already wearing a wedding dress?

Me: No, I don't think so. It's not like ordering a Barbie doll in a specific outfit you know.

8-y-o-D : Well, they should do.

Everyone else : Why?

8-y-o-D : It would make it easier to spot them at the airport.

I don't really know why this was so funny (perhaps you had to be there), but this made me laugh for several minutes.

Please post other funny things your kids have said recently.

― C J (C J), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

Your kids roxor.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:47 (nineteen years ago)

*I am talking with his mother on the phone*
Her: What's he up to?
Me: Hey, your mom wants to know what you're doing?
Him: *shouting* COLORING!
Her: That's...
Him: *shouting louder* SUPER EXTREME COLORING!

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:48 (nineteen years ago)

Alice (6) got a "Puppy in my pocket" at a party.

Alice: "Look, it comes with a bone for him to eat!" (shows me a sweet in a wrapper)
Me: "Ah, you'll have to eat it on his behalf."
Alice: "Mmm, yeah, I'll break it in half before I eat it."

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

kids dont say the funniest things, they say the DARNDEST things.

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 17 July 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

I'm pitching a show to HBO called "Kids say the Motherfuckingest Things."

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Monday, 17 July 2006 14:48 (nineteen years ago)

This was some months ago, but I'm sleepy.

S: "Mama, what's a fuck it?"
Me: Um, what?
S: "What's a fuck it?"
M: Well, um, how do you spell it?
S: "f-a-u-c-e-t"
M: Ohhh, faucet.. it's a tap.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 17 July 2006 14:56 (nineteen years ago)

Oh my.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

Right, this was one darndest thing.

Alice: "I had an idea for a TV show. What they would do is to put TV cameras into the living room, and film what men do when their wives aren't there. It would be called "Wives who really hate their husbands" "

(laugh? or sit there open mouthed. We did both)

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:10 (nineteen years ago)

In the last couple of days our 18-month-old has taken to alerting us to her dirty diapers by announcing that she's a "poopy baby."

― chris herrington (chris herrington), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:15 (nineteen years ago)

x-post

id watch that show.

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

This was some months ago, but I'm sleepy.

S: "Mama, what's a fuck it?"
Me: Um, what?
S: "What's a fuck it?"
M: Well, um, how do you spell it?
S: "f-a-u-c-e-t"
M: Ohhh, faucet.. it's a tap.

This -- combined with my sister-in-law-to-be pointing out that every other word out of my mouth is shit, damn, Goddamn, or fuck -- is why I cannot parent. I would handle that so badly!

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:17 (nineteen years ago)

My son, at age 5 or so, was playing with some toy plastic fruit. He "cut up" the pineapple with the plastic toy knife and handed my husband a piece warning, "be careful of the pines, Daddy!" When my husband asked, "don't you mean the spines?" Alex said, "no, if they had spines, they'd be spineapples."

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

8-y-o-D : It would make it easier to spot them at the airport.

AWESOME

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/17/bush.tape/index.html

― timmy tannin (pompous), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

Tep, I don't know of a parent who swears more than I do - Spencer takes it in stride. He went through a stage when he was probably 2 1/2 of saying 'fuck! shit! fuck!' but when we stopped responding to it, he got bored and stopped. Now he asks how old he has to be before he can say "dammit," but that's about it.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 17 July 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

You know, that's funny: my son doesn't seem to notice my more serious swearing, but if I say "crap," he nags me to not say that. When he was three, he used to say "Shit, I mean shoot," because he heard me try to correct myself around him so many times.

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Monday, 17 July 2006 16:01 (nineteen years ago)

But I would have told him what a fuck it is! And I'm not even sure myself. I guess I'd learn something too, then.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 17 July 2006 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

Yesterday while sunning at the swim club.

"Dad, I've noticed that black men usually get married to black women. Why is that? I think it's weird."

More what can you do but inwardly laugh? than LOL. Ultimately I just chalked it up to statistics and reminded him of all the mixed couples he knows -- mixed by race, religion and/or nationality. It's weird, his experience is so differnt than mine that way, growing up urban rather than suburban.

"Dad, what does horny mean?"

"Uh, sexy, stuff like that -- it's er INAPPROPRIATE."

Hoo boy I really see it coming, at 10 he's suddenly asking lots of these kinda questions.

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Monday, 17 July 2006 16:21 (nineteen years ago)

He's onto you. Run!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 July 2006 18:36 (nineteen years ago)

If you don't tell him, though, who will?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:28 (nineteen years ago)

I posted this on the other kids thread, but it deserves reposting here. Rufus (3) has befriended the librarians. One day he was kind of interviewing the librarian about her job and making small talk (funny enough coming from a 3-year-old). We walk away from the desk to look for a book. Then Rufus turns back and says loudly, so everyone there can hear: "Librarian, I forgot to tell you one thing! If you ever get a wedgy, just pull your underpants out of your butt!"

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 00:03 (nineteen years ago)

Alex said, "no, if they had spines, they'd be spineapples."

That is the best thing EVER.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 00:22 (nineteen years ago)

Kids say the funniest things But it ain't always so.

This evening as I was entering the local store I stopped to ask a small boy, maybe 7-ish, holding a dog on a leash what his dog's name was. His reply: "uhhhhh"

Later, while at the checkout counter I mentioned that the kid (still right by the door) must've been holding someone else's dog for them as he didn't know its name. The girl behind the counter told me that he was unable to speak. Made me feel pretty smallish. I tapped him on the shoulder as I left and gave him a thumbs up. He smiled. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment.

― jim wentworth (wench), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 02:09 (nineteen years ago)

I'm pitching a show to HBO called "Kids say the Motherfuckingest Things."

http://www.joslinhall.com/images03/th-06683.jpg

Matt Groening: "The real version of that show should be called Kids Say The Most Motherfuckin'est Shit."

― Kit (kit brash), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 02:46 (nineteen years ago)

xpost

Alex said, "no, if they had spines, they'd be spineapples."

That is the best thing EVER.

-- Trayce

Thank you for saying that! Alex cracks me up sometimes...

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 02:53 (nineteen years ago)

three months pass...

Joel, on Saturday: "Adolf Hitler was like the third most evil man who ever lived."
My Brother-in-law: "Who were the first two then?"
Joel (thinks for a minute): "Second was Frankenstein. First was the man who invented school."

― You've Had Your Chances (noodle vague), Monday, 30 October 2006 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

Joel otm

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 30 October 2006 18:25 (nineteen years ago)

Just tell him Frankenstein invented school.

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 30 October 2006 19:13 (nineteen years ago)

Hstencil is your son??

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 30 October 2006 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

I did something nice for Julia (age 4) the other day when she was feeling sick, and she said, "I never thought I'd say this, but I love you!"

She also calls the radio station known as The Current, "the Kermit."

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Monday, 30 October 2006 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

Right, this was one darndest thing.
Alice: "I had an idea for a TV show. What they would do is to put TV cameras into the living room, and film what men do when their wives aren't there. It would be called "Wives who really hate their husbands" "
(laugh? or sit there open mouthed. We did both)

-- mark grout (mark.grou...) (webmail), July 17th, 2006 11:10 AM. (mark grout) (link)

WOW!!!!!!!!! :D

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Monday, 30 October 2006 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

This thread makes me want kids, and I'm the most unkidwantingest person in the universe.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 04:34 (nineteen years ago)

my defences are solid. cute & funny as some of these things may be, i still hate the little fuckers. i'll take highlights on a messageboard over the real thing.

be strong, Trayce.

― teh_kit returns! (g-kit), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 09:11 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha Kidhating adults say the funniest things.

The only thing my kid says is baba (and waves) and bushi (sushi). I can't wait till she talks *properly*.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 09:32 (nineteen years ago)

i only hate them because they hate me.

― teh_kit returns! (g-kit), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

teh_kit OTM. Other people's kids are occasionally great, doesn't mean I want my own.

What if they're stupid and not funny and I like other people's kids better?!

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 09:40 (nineteen years ago)

Oh god, no, I didn't mean to imply that you should like kid. If you don't (and not have kids) that's totally fine with me. :-)

My dad (and other adults) say "My throat's so dry." when they want to have a (alcoholic) drink. So one time I approached my kindergarten teacher and asked her to check my throat cause something was wrong with it. She took it seriously so she checked my throat but seeing nothing asked what was the matter. I replied:"It's dry! I need a drink"

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 09:54 (nineteen years ago)

Nathalie, I didn't for one second think you were telling everyone to like kids. But thanks for your approval of my right not to want kids anyway.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 10:00 (nineteen years ago)

:-)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 10:02 (nineteen years ago)

Ours pushed aside the food on her plate the other day to look at the horse on the plate. She then picked up one of the meatballs off her tray and asked "Horsey meat?".

― Rotgutt (Rotgutt), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 14:03 (nineteen years ago)

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