"Pothead Case-Study" = hilariously bad "college English paper" that supposedly got an A (ahem-bullshit!-ahem)

http://l1.itechgroup.com/forum/showthread.php?t=98397&page=1&pp=20

Pothead Case-Study
I wrote this paper for an English class at my univeristy. I would like some feedback from real pot-heads, I highly doubt my teacher or others in my class smoked Enjoy

Harmless?

Two teenagers sit in their father’s office smoking a joint. As they sit merrily and giggle, the teen sitting behind the desks red squinty eyes light up with excitement. He smiles as he reaches into a desk drawer and slowly pulls out a huge pistol. The other teen, stoned out of his mind, smiles with amusement “Dude, that’s totally sweet, is it loaded?” BLAM!

The screen goes black and once again we are provided with a perfectly legitimate example of the consequences of marijuana use. Recent television advertisements have linked smoking marijuana to other bad habits; forgetting to pick up your little brother at soccer practice, stealing money from your grandmother, and running over old men with your car. Does anyone honestly believe this BS? The truth about ganja must be told, are potheads really homicidal maniacs hell bent on shooting their friends, of course not. In order to discern the truth about marijuana, as with any other topic, it is best to go directly to the experts. In this case: potheads. Potheads are to marijuana what Google is to the web. If anyone could describe the true effects of smoking pot, they can. And if you ask potheads what is so bad about smoking weeds, their answer will be the same as if you asked them what they did that day: “nothing”.

First, let’s get our terms straight. Someone who merely tries smoking weed is by no means a pothead. In fact, even regularly smoking marijuana does not automatically qualify you as a pothead. A pothead is not someone who simply smokes pot…oh wait, yes it is. However a distinction must be made because not everyone who smokes marijuana is a pothead. Potheads do not just smoke weed, they admire, adore, even love marijuana. Nothing brightens up a true pothead’s red eyes more than the opportunity to do what he does best…get high.

Aside from their devotion to marijuana, it is difficult to characterize a pothead. Often they are portrayed in a very stereotypical fashion; grungy, lazy, and mentally hindered. A synopsis of potheads in the media illustrates this narrow-mindedness. While there are potheads who look and act like Cheech and Chong or Spicoli, to say that all potheads resemble these characters would be a gross assumption. Anyone can be a pothead; there is no genetic predisposition to getting high. Identifying a pothead by superficial means is also problematic. The only true give-away is a white person with dreadlocks.

People say that marijuana retards the mental process but through observing potheads I can conclude that is a lie. Potheads are very patient and attentive – when weed is concerned. For example, when there is nothing left in their bag but stems a pothead will never lose his cool. When such a tragedy does occur, although panic may be the initial reaction, a pothead or a group of potheads will never fail in finding exactly what they are looking for. I equate three potheads sitting on a couch with an empty pipe in front of them to a pack of bloodhounds on the trail of an escaped convict.

A pothead’s devotion to the drug is clear, they become true connoisseurs. Potheads have invented their own jargon to describe every aspect of being a pothead. For instance each individual type of marijuana has been painstakingly researched and genetically defined. Green-thumbed potheads have put a tremendous amount of time and effort to create a seemingly infinite number of marijuana strains. To delineate between the varieties potheads have given them names like “Super skunk brain splint”, “Bubble berry passion bomb”, and “Jamaican red-haired munchie fuel”. And any pothead worth his dime bag knows the full pedigree of what he is packing into his pipes.
Pothead lexicon is not limited to the name of the herb itself; marijuana connoisseurs have developed a complex scale to evaluate marijuana (something potheads spend a lot of time doing). While technically all weed, when smoked, will get you high, a pothead will only inhale the very best, commonly referred to as “headies”. Passing a pothead inferior ganga, AKA “schwagg” would be an insult to his intelligence.

A pothead’s love for marijuana does not stop at the drug itself. For a pothead, being high is only part of the fun, how you got there is the important part. Smoking marijuana is more of a social function for potheads as opposed to getting a fix. To this end, potheads employ a cornucopia of apparatuses and devices to assist them in their daily endeavors. Again, to those that say the marijuana use effects mental ability I say look at the ingenuity potheads have shown in how they partake in smoking. Joints, for example, seem decent enough, but they have evolved to meet the pressing needs of potheads. Now potheads flaunt their ability to roll the biggest, longest, fattest spliff. Small metal pipes and plastic bongs have given way to ornate pieces of glass art. Some of which seem more appropriate as a decorative vase on someone’s end table than in the hands of some tie-died pothead. Now you can even buy a pipe with a fan built in that will automatically blow smoke into you lungs for you. It doesn’t get much better than that.

To a pothead the process of getting high may be even more enjoyable than the high itself. For potheads, smoking weed is routine, on par with brushing your teeth in the morning. This explains why potheads tend to congregate. Since getting high is so routine they must seek out others that can devote as much time to getting stoned as they do. Potheads enjoy similar activities e.g. sitting around and getting high, driving around and getting high, and eating. For this reason relationships between potheads and non-potheads are often strained. It is not that potheads have disdain for those who do not partake, people who do not smoke usually cannot comprehend a pothead’s constant craving for marijuana. While spending hours sitting around in a circle watching Spongebob sounds like a perfect day for a pothead, by the time the fourth joint of the hour is being smoked non-smokers tend to get antsy. Therefore, non-smokers are forced either to seek alternative forms of entertainment, or become potheads themselves.

But it is not merely the love of getting high that attracts potheads to each other; potheads also share a common demeanor, undoubtedly caused by the ravages of constantly being high. The symptoms include a large grin, kind-heartedness, and a genuine good nature. Potheads are always joking and laughing which promotes a feeling of general camaraderie. Potheads are not judgmental of each other; everyone is always welcome to get high. I have never witnessed potheads involved in a physical confrontation and they rarely mince words. Even getting a pothead to yell is quite a challenge (just don’t eat the last burrito). As long as they are high potheads are naturally peaceful and content. This explains another fundamental pothead characteristic: contempt for authority.

Since a pothead’s principle form of entertainment is a criminal offense they tend to harbor ill feelings towards those who interfere in their toking. Potheads’ just want to get high, just as regular people just want to smoke a cigarette, pick their nose, or watch American Idol (all three of which are more potentially more harmful to your health than getting high yet perfectly legal). If someone wants watch Clay Aiken or eat their boogers, I say let them do it, and potheads require the same level of tolerance. Faced with this daily hypocrisy potheads feel prejudiced when the man steps in to ruin their fun. As long as you let them be, potheads are respectful, peaceful, and understanding.

Considering this it seems contradictory that our government has spent so much time and money in an attempt to spread the “facts” about the horrible effects of marijuana. Interestingly, most of the money to fund these efforts comes for major alcohol and tobacco companies. Perhaps they feel that without all this negative press about marijuana people will realize how harmful their products are. If there were more potheads in government things would probably run a lot smoother. Eventually the United Nations could become one massive smoking session. Kofi Annan issues a stern warning from the podium “Hey, Libya, dude, don’t bogart.” And with President Bush’s admission that he did inhale maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Someday we’ll see Bush, flanked by world leaders, stumble down a smoky hallway from the oval office laughing hysterically. As they approach their podiums Jacque Chirac brushes some Doritos crumbs from his mouth, Vladimir Putin stares down blankly at his hands, and Tony Blair has obviously spilled bong water on his suit (again). The men all giggle as Bush clears his throat and stares blankly into space for a few moments. “Me and the boys just decided to end all war forever…now where can we get some cookies I got the munchies.”