Photo Me. On second thoughts, don't bother

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If I do not get passport pics taken I cannot go to France in March and consume 4 times my own body weight in wine and cheese, or indeed go anywhere ever again. However I cannot bring myself to do it, I told my mum I was waiting till my face looks better and she snorted and said 'you'll have a long wait then'. Does anyone have any idea of how not to look rubbish in these things? My last one made me look like a GOFF with deathly pale skin. I just don't want the Customs Men to laugh at me.

(NB I was not a goth when I was 16 nor have I ever been one, just very pale.)

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Wear a mask.

― Pete, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Wear a white t-shirt. I did and now my passport has a picture of me as a disembodied head.

― Jonnie, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

On a more serious note, here are some Irish tips (Be ginger, have freckles etc).

― Pete, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

However further down the google search page on "passport photo tips look good" we get this much more interesting article on how to write a letter to ge t a Russian mail order bride.

You are not supposed to look good in your Passport Photo by the way. But I'd do it today whilst you are still beautiful from being off the booze for a month.

― Pete, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

My passport photo makes the 16 year old me look like a herion addict. Lank hair dyed a darker shade than necessary, big circles under eyes from the eyeliner of the night before.

Other people you are travelling with will have worse ones. I was sent to Ayia Nappa with our stunning, very beautiful, tanned etc fashion assistant (who I do like) and spent the couple of days we were there feeling very white and plump and frizzy by comparisson. I saw her passport photo on the plane home. I felt much, much better.

― Anna, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I cannot have it done today as my top is a pale shade of pink that is too close to flesh colour, I am not spending the next 10 years having Customs folk thinking I am a (bad) glamour model. In my 16 year old one I made the terrible error of wearing a blue jumper and having a blue background creating a slight disembodied head look as referred to above.

I am thinking that over the next 10 years I will be doing some exotic & glamorous travel plus maybe even a honeymoon so must look if not great then at least human.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Emma don't worry about the honeymoon passport photos, I'm sure Pete's looks much worse.

― Tom, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

in my first passport i look like a troll sulking in the shadows (= scary rather than comical so good)

subsequently => minor baader meinhoff operative (ditto)

this will doubtless jinx it but i haf NEVAH ONCE been stopped at customs, even returning from Amsterdam: i kind of assume i look like someone they would prejudicedly wonder about, and look-see, but apparently the opposite...

― mark s, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

a) My passport actually looks pretty good. Dark T-shirt = way to go.
b) Over mine, and almost definately her dead bodies. And I think only satanists can marry dead people. And then it would be unlikely that we would traavel much. (Do dead people need passports. And pet passports, would a dog get stopped if it looked like a cat).

― Pete, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Either I have PMT or the world really is conspiring to piss me right off today.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

emma, it's much worse to have a passport photo that looks so great no- one believes it's you .... customs man looks at photo, looks at you, thinks "blimey/zut alors, she's let herself go a bit, hasn't she?"

*weep*

much better to go for that myra hindley look, i think.

― rener, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Foundation, blusher, lots of eyeliner (not goth but more than it would be normal to wear in the daytime), mascara on upper and lower lashes, reddish brown lipstick, hair down (well, not tied back at any rate).

Open lips when smiling so teeth can be seen.

Make sure the person taking the photo is NOT shorter than you - or the angle will be all wrong.

Why not get a complimentry make over at the Estee Lauder counter or whatever in a department store? Those chicks know what they're doing.

― toraneko, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Emma the task is SIMPLE! Go to BOOTS and sit in one of those ones which lets you RE-SHOOT THE POSE. Choose the white background. The flash is so strong that it will immediately turn your skin white ELIMINATING BLEMISHES HOORAY (not that you have any of course but I have lots ahem) and you will look like milky skinned Goddess/Moors Murderer/Twat/Russian Peasant - or at least those are some of the descriptions that apply to my recent passport photo efforts. Try and look like a murderer! It is fun! Oh hang on you are not using these for purpose of Young Persuans Rail Card well try not to look too much like a criminal!

I need to renew my passport, hmmmmmm.

― Sarah, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You fucking goth.

― N., Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The photo booth in Tesco's has the slogan "Keep taking the picture until you are happy" on the outside.

But how can I be happy, I'm in a supermarket?

― Dr. C, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Who is being accused of gothdom here?

Sarah the trouble with Pick your own Pose is this: I tend to find the first pic it takes is pretty good at which point I get cocky and think 'come now Ems we can do better than this' only to discover that extreme vanity goes before a fall and I end up looking psychotic or depressed anyway. Either that or none of the pics are any good and the machine starts to get stroppy with me and shouting PICK A GODDAMN PICTURE you vain insane woman. Which stresses me out and makes me pick a pic which does not do me justice, ahem.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Emma, I would never accuse you of being a goth. No, I meant witchy Sarah, with her bleached out face.

― N., Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I have exactly the same problem as Emma with those machines. They are evil.

― RickyT, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I know! I will do myself up as a goth, as Sarah says those machines make you white as a sheet anyway so I may as well turn this look to my advantage rather than going for the Kat Slater Tango makeup look. Plus the heavy eye makeup / lippie will at least make my features stand out. Plus it will give me a laugh when I'm 36. Brilliant.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

or a clown, like ronald mcdonald, with lipstick half way down your chin. Seems an awful lot of effort to stop seeming so white? I say go the starlet way and get a bad orange fake tan

― Menelaus Darcy, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Goth goth goth. Good!

I actually have to get my passport renewed. Feh.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

NO those machines are GRATE! To avoid the stress of FIRST PICTURE whot you must do is PULL A FUNNY FACE! Try and look as AMUSANTE as possible and larff at you looking stupid and then look very grumpy as the second one is taken. Are your eyes wonky? Is your mouth stupidly open? Are you drooling? If so, NEXT. If not, just take the picture already. It will be over and done with and you too will haf a Goff Passport Picture!

My passport pic BTW does not make me look like a goff, just a mad psychotic murderer cheers cheers! I can imagine it blown up to full size on the front page of the Sun in grainy print. ACE!

― Sarah, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I had to get a new work id last week, I did turn out looking very gothily white. Still it was a massive improvement over the last one, I looked like I was high and had jaundice. It was gross.

― Nicole, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The new problem is that whether I decide to go ultra-pale or ultra- tangoed I will still have to get to and from the photo me booth in this ridiculous get up. Hmmm. My work pass photo is daft, everyone who sees it thinks I am trying to get off with the photographer as I am looking up coyly & flirtatiously because I read somewhere that it was flattering in photos to lower your head and look up through your eyelashes. It is not. It makes my forehead look as big as Russia.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"I was gonna go to work.... but then I got jaundice"

― N., Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

shows them large jugs

― mike hanle y, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Hanle y's got the right idea. The world would be a much better place if women had to flash a tit to get through customs. (By "better", I mean "more like a deranged teenage sex comedy".)

I've never looked pasty-white in a photo, ha ha ha.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

(Ever have a thought that was funny in your head but just looked vulgar and wrong when you expressed it? Has it been so bad that the sheer crassness made you laugh even harder?)

― Dan Perry, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Whilst I am obviously gagging to whip my top off in the middle of Woolworths and do topless passport shots, I am a bit concerned about the fact that I have to get the pics signed by someone I know as being a good likeness and this would mean getting them signed by someone who has seen me naked.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

*pretend I made the obvious joke; I don't want to as I am certain that Emma could reach through the computer screen and rip my sinuses out through my eye-holes*

You don't need that level of verification in the US. You need proof you're a citizen, but I don't remember ever actually proving that the person in the picture was me.

Tips on looking good:

- Wear something you love. Confidence makes you lok better.

- Relax. Tight face = tight picture.

- Don't talk while the picture is being taken. I know too many people whose passport/driver's license photos look like they're auditioning to be blow-up doll models because they were in the middle of a conversation.

- CHECK YOUR HAIR. The one bad id photo I ever took occurred because I'd neglected to get a haircut for a year and I was wearing a hat until two seconds before the picture was taken. Imagine Gary Coleman's afro in "Diff'rent Strokes", only lumpy, and that's what the hair looked like. HORRIFYING.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

My passport photo makes me A) look like a disembodied head since I was wearing white B) look like I constantly must walk around going "Shhyeah, pff, fuck" all day. I mean, I call it the "Whatever" picture cos I look sarcastic as fuck for no reason.

― Ally, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'll sign your application for you (being the head of a multimational gives me such priviliges). And from my old days with the endoscope I know what every part of you looks like.

― Pete, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm sure there's a rule against nudity in the passport form small print somewhere. Otherwise it is quite tempting. Pete I am not letting you sign my pics nude or otherwise.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

tips on looking good: focus on something. cos those cubicles are small enclosures there's a tendency to focus randomly. try something reflected in the glass like your own shoulder. if that fails, just cut out a pic from "OK" magazine of Rachel s-club

― Alan Trewartha, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I would do that but then I would have to find a blind person to sign to say it was a good likeness.

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I wish I had thought of that topless thing for my passport photo, damn.

― Ally, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Sorry to be boring and sensible, but choose booth that offers black and white. Better for everybody including the Kate Moss' of this world. Sit slightly side on and adjust seat so slightly lower than directed. Raise face so looking down into camera (helps minimise a generously proportioned nose). Wrap flat board in foil and hold out of shot under head (like those tanning reflectors the Yanks have) to flatter double chin/turkey neck etc. Wear foundation and DEFINITELY some blusher on middle of cheeks (so look as if just had brisk walk in normal life, but will look normal and not wan and deathly pale in photo). Hair down or fluffed around face so avoid terrorist-cell look (also for this - avoid black polo necks). Do not expose teeth to glare of flash, half smile but nothing sinister. If in doubt, do calm/thoughtful/serious expression. And take as long as you bloody well like.....you'll be carrying the results around for a decade so a little time now and less stress subsequently.

I think I've gone on way long enough.

― Wilfred the Beagle, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think if I start walking round with a board covered in silver foil I will get sectioned. And I do not have a 'generously proportioned nose' that needs minimising. I don't know if they still have black and white photo booths. Do they?

― Emma, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I wonder if it's possible to get a passport made where the photo is a picture of your ass?

― Dan Perry, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yeah, all over the place in the US, it is my dream to pile all my friends into one and take pornographic pictures.

― Ally, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Wear something you love.

I'd rather wear someone I love. Any suggestions?

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Dan's assport idea is a good one. I think he knows it is technically possible to take a picture of an ass in photo booth, Ally. He was just hoping for it to become official policy. It will be so, in his modelled-on-teen-sex-comedies utopia.

― N., Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

In the UK it has to be a colour photo now. So they can check eye colour and hair colour and then boot you out the country when you dye your hair & wear contact lenses.

On other matters I just pushed a bus.

― Pete, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I wore something I love: cod and chips (possibly as a result of Dan's advice to wear a slack face). Dan gives poor advice.

― Tim, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm pretty sure Ally was talking to Emma there, not me.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't have a passport but I look well INDIE on my driving license (well I was 17) with my floppy fringe + scowl.

― DG, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I was talking to anyone who wants to see me and my friends in compromising positions.

― Ally, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I do.

― the pinefox, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I've got no interest in your ass. It has been devalued through overexposure.

― N., Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Pinefox, you dirty rotter.

― N., Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'd rather wear someone I love. Any suggestions?

Chris Robinson? Zac De La Rocha?

― Dan Perry, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

As Britney, by your own calculations, outranks them both, the choice is clear. CC is calling for you, BTW.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I've had to show mine to LOADS of people recently - getting bank accounts and that. I always mumble something like 'ha ha, j'étais étudiant' while making a mental note to piss in their coffee or something.

― Will, Friday, 1 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

oh shit, they don't *have* to be colour do they? i just sent my application off with b&w ones, oh bugger bugger bugger. my pics were rubbish obv. but at least i don't have the straggly mullet i had 10 years ago...

― CarsmileSteve, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Just so we have closure on this important issue, I had the pics done last night. Following some of the advice above (not the topless stuff though, not very appropriate in Oxford Circus tube at 5:15) I piled on 3 inches of makeup with a trowel, let my hair down and gazed thoughtfully into the camera. The resulting pics are not too gothly pale, though the eye makeup is pretty scary. I also look as miserable as sin. Oh well, when I am 36 and rich & successful I can look back and laugh at what a mournful girl I used to be.

― Emma, Thursday, 7 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

And now for aperture again! I'm getting mine done on Saturday, ugh.

― Tom, Thursday, 7 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

just had one done for an id card (all new fangled digital pic thingy) without any warning ("stand just there, and... thanks, here you go"). first since i cut my long hair off (over two years ago) and i really don't recognise myself. weird

― Alan Trewartha, Thursday, 7 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Got them done - they're not totally awful though a couple of spots show up nastily. I seem to be rocking a rumpled-contrarian Christopher Hitchens look, which is OK but sadly 'Hitch' is in his late forties and it suits that age a little bit better.

― Tom, Tuesday, 19 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

We got our last department ones done w/ digital camera, and aha, I thought, oho, now we're looking at some good photos, not the normal kind with the flat hair and the bunface, or the nervy selfconscious ones that turn out all down the nose like not quite posh spice, so I said, hey, could I be like digitally manipulated? thinking, well, it's a shot, and maybe they'll at least let me pick the best one, and I looked all hopeful and laughed nervously (heh heh heh) and when I turned round they were all looking at me, you know, like I was the vainest person they'd ever met (which I doubt, because the day before M had spent 20 minutes perfecting what she calls her ladyprincessdi pose, in her head all doe eyes under long lashes but kind of creepy if you ask me, and she was trying to say this was some kind of irony but hooooo no, I don't think so), so anyway they gave it two tries and they were both the same old awful and can you tell this has been festering for two weeks???... *incoherent sobs* ... So, you know, Christopher Hitchens - wow.

― Ellie, Tuesday, 19 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

three weeks pass...

I have the jon of been a service engineer for PMI (photo-me)

The best colour to wear is a red top or a grey one as this will compliment any skin tone. The reason why you have to have a white background is for the passport agency or DVLA to scan the photo.

Besides this the camera never lies!!!!!!!!!!

― , Wednesday, 13 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I wish it would occasionally.

I don't actually look anything like Christopher Hitchens, by the way.

― Tom, Wednesday, 13 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I saw Christopher Hitchens on TV the other night. God he was looking rough.

― N., Thursday, 14 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

A-HA I am wearing a red top! My skin tone feels VERY complimented thank you very much. I love H&M and their 'small' sizes which fit me. GLEE!

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I too am wearing a red top and it is making me look as pale as a dead person. Oh dear. Also my stupid skirt is giving me hassle by clinging to my lacey tights when I try to walk anywhere so I have to keep stopping and disentangling myself.

― Emma, Thursday, 14 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If you're planning any dramatic change of hairstyle you have to be careful. My passport has me with a shaved head on it and I foolishly and drunkenly showed it to someone once and now my friends are always like "SHOW IT SHOW IT, SHOW US THAT PHOTO, HA YOUR SHAVED HEAD.....HA NOT SHAVED NOW IS IT NO? HA". Not to mention bouncers who say "jesus you let yourself go alot there son".

― Ronan, Thursday, 14 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ronan, I love you for this.

― N., Thursday, 14 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

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