Train defecator hunted by police

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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6077464.stm

― art vandelay (what?), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:31 (nineteen years ago)

Shit!

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

£60,000 to clear up a bit of poo? Bollocks. Just another excuse to introduce those afternoon peak periods they keep threatening. SHIT ON MORE TRAINS MR DEFECATOR! WE NEED YOU!

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:35 (nineteen years ago)

"There is no particular pattern as to when he appears," said Ms Fox.

he 'appears' when you needs to take a shit, Ms Fox, you oaf.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:48 (nineteen years ago)

no cos he must have to hold it in for ages sometimes if his actions rely on the carriage being empty.

― ;_; (blueski), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

maybe the poor fella doesn't have a khazi - ever thought of that?!

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

that wouldn't explain the smearing.

― ;_; (blueski), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:54 (nineteen years ago)

What if this is really just some old bat with a poorly trained helper monkey? Monkeys are funny! Even when they spread disease.

― Coach Dave (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:56 (nineteen years ago)

that wouldn't explain the smearing.
-- ;_; (n...), October 23rd, 2006 3:54 PM. (blueski)

Can't afford bum paper either, innit?

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

I read this as "train defector" until just now.

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

"He Poos Trains" ?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:03 (nineteen years ago)

Can't afford bum paper either, innit?

but trains toilets do provide it, i'm told

― ;_; (blueski), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:04 (nineteen years ago)

grout for the win

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

but trains toilets do provide it, i'm told

Don't be silly. They're too busy paying their drivers £45K a year and ticket inspectors I-don't-know-how-much to stand 20-thick in a huddle at the entrance to Stevenage station to afford bum paper.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:35 (nineteen years ago)

maybe it was albert poo holes

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:41 (nineteen years ago)

actually, seeing the pic it looks more like ezequiel astacio

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

WOW

IT'S YOUNG OJ SIMPSON

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

I read this as "train defector" until just now.

Me too, thought it was an offshoot of the "In Every Soviet Bloc" thread.

― Edward III (edward iii), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

i mean "ASS-t-ASS-io"

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

He looks very cocksure and pleased with himself in that picture. I think he's proud of his work.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Monday, 23 October 2006 15:01 (nineteen years ago)

installation art

― timmy tannin (pompous), Monday, 23 October 2006 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

"I call this one Train Grumpy #9..."

― Edward III (edward iii), Monday, 23 October 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

Its probably Banksy.

Similiar MO.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 12:59 (nineteen years ago)

In other news, Polish fart man searched by the Interpol.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:04 (nineteen years ago)

We're all going to hell in a handcart

― Dadaismus (Gives You The Big Reassure) (Dada), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:05 (nineteen years ago)

Dog Latin is the Daily Mail.

Why shouldn't train drivers be well paid for a highly skilled safety critical job?

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

Its probably Banksy.
Similiar MO.

-- Jarlr'mai (jimmy.parke...), October 24th, 2006.

haha!

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

Why shouldn't train drivers be well paid for a highly skilled safety critical job?

Because it's costing commuters up to a third of their paycheck in travel costs is why. If you don't live in London (or a major city) and have no way of paying £20+ a day to stand in a crowded, slow, uncomfortable, outdated mode of transport then there is no way of getting a job outside of manual, sales, admin or similar. If you want to do an apprenticeship or similar then you're absolutely fucked.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:13 (nineteen years ago)

highly skilled?

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

Safety critical I'll give you but highly skilled?

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

Why shouldn't train drivers be well paid for a highly skilled safety critical job?

they should, you're right. that said: it's very wrong that they're paid so much less than the dudes who perform the absolutely fucking vital line maintenance.

i went to the railway museum in york last week; what we've done to the railway system in this country since bastard bloody beeching is enough to make you weep (privatisation being the final straw). wonder if that's what's motivating our friend shitty dick?

he should have done the 9.21 from sheffield to edinburgh yesterday morning. a big smear of crap across the carriage could only have served as an improvement.

xpost

Because it's costing commuters up to a third of their paycheck in travel costs is why.

dude, the ticket prices are NOT paying the bloody drivers' salaries. you ever heard of these people called "shareholders"? and this thing called "profit"? that's your problem.

i don't really understand the rest of your post: sorry.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

Oi watch it, one of my mates is a train driver (xpost)

― Dadaismus (Gives You The Big Reassure) (Dada), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:16 (nineteen years ago)

Nothing against them, I'm just questioning the amount of skill involved in stopping a train.

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:16 (nineteen years ago)

dude, the ticket prices are NOT paying the bloody drivers' salaries

ie "the prices aren't so high just to pay the salaries". sorry: you don't post to ILX for two weeks and you forget how to express yrself properly.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

yeh, it's a simplified version of events. transport in the uk outside of major cities is still abominable and ridiculously overpriced - added to this is the overall smugness of companies like First Capital Connect whenever speaking to employees or even seeping through their ad campaigns.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

That is not the fault of the train drivers that is the fault of the poorly thought out franchising system that lines the pockets of the likes of Richard Branson and Brian Souter.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:26 (nineteen years ago)

Train driving is a pretty highly skilled job, yes.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:26 (nineteen years ago)

er guys what has this to do with some nutjob shitting everywhere?

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:26 (nineteen years ago)

The actual making the tarin stop and go is not that skilled I'll grant you but the required route knowledge, signalling and safety training make it quite a complex job. Its one of those jobs where the everyday isn't that demanding its when things go wrong that the job becomes more complex.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:29 (nineteen years ago)

I understand the safety critical aspects of negotiating routes in changing conditions and responding quickly to changes in signals, but is it really that much more difficult than, say, driving a car, or a bus? The lives:hands ratio makes it more critical but I don't see that it requires more skill.

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:32 (nineteen years ago)

In other news, Polish fart man searched by the Interpol.

-- Tuomas (lixnix...), October 24th, 2006 10:04 AM. (Tuomas)

got to be a joke? if not, i feel bad for the guy. "nationwide manhunt" wtf

― am0n (am0n), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

i knew a train driver who was a scottish coke-head alcoholic with foo-fighters tatoos who subsequently went to gaol for dealing.

okay, i admit my train drivers getting paid too much was a little unfair, but trains ARE VERY VERY shit and very very expensive and I truly believe if we follow this guy's example and take a dump on the seats ever time we travel, they'll be forced to scrap the train program and start over with some decent trains.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

Route Knowledge? I thought they was on rails.

― You've Had Your Chances (noodle vague), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, rails that sometimes have high speed bends on them that shouldn't be quite so high speed in rain/snow.

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:36 (nineteen years ago)

(I may have been joking there.)

― You've Had Your Chances (noodle vague), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

"high speed"

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

(I did wonder)

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

Trains aren't very very shit. I'd be hard pressed to say they're even a bit shit. Expensive, yes, so if you mean you expect leather seats and playstations and blowjobs then I can see how you'd be disappointed. Maybe you just have a bad franchise.

Grimly, have you ever thought about cutting down on the swearing?

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)

I'd settle for the playstations and blow jobs

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

mark, do you take the train regularly and if so, which network?

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

MC, you are on a particularly good (and lucrative franchise).

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

grumble in the jungle: barry lasange Vs. grimly fiendish

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:48 (nineteen years ago)

The trains I get are very shit, Markelby.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

Blame this guy

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42230000/jpg/_42230070_defecator203.jpg

― ONIMO has fallen into changing screen name HELL (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

SW trains are real lookers too (in a 'bit too much make-up' sense at least).

― ;_; (blueski), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

It's a shame this didn't happen on the Underground or I could do my turd rail gag.

― JohnFoxxsJuno (JohnFoxxsJuno), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

i knew a train driver who was a scottish coke-head alcoholic with foo-fighters tatoos who subsequently went to gaol for dealing.

-- wogan lenin (doglati...) (webmail), Today 10:33 AM. (dog latin) (later) (link)

Oi! mate, one of me best friends is a Scottish train driver. I'll fecking glass you at the next fap if you keep it up.

― manute lol (sanskrit), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

ha ha, 'next fap'

― ;_; (blueski), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

It's a shame this didn't happen on the Underground or I could do my turd rail gag.

he was doing this on the southern region so the turd rail gag is still valid.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:41 (nineteen years ago)

er guys what has this to do with some nutjob shitting everywhere?

isn't that exactly what THATCHER did to the railways, though? little bit of politics there. my name's ben sellout, goodnight!

Grimly, have you ever thought about cutting down on the swearing?

fuck no.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 20:36 (nineteen years ago)

Haha :)

Btw I get Southwest trains every day.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 21:08 (nineteen years ago)

I really really hope that shot of his face was taken mid-dump

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 25 October 2006 04:03 (nineteen years ago)

You see, Southwest Trains are nice. No one would do a dump on one of theirs.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 07:21 (nineteen years ago)

Can you imagine what it might be like to be the last thing a human being sees as your drive over them , unable to do anything? Most drivers to whom that happens get totally mashed up in the head by it, and yet the fear of it happening is totally ever-present, every single day. Good luck to the buggers.

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:31 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, but that can happen to a car driver / bus driver too.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:33 (nineteen years ago)

The buses on Holloway Road don't travel fast enough to do anyone any damage

― Dadaismus (Gives You The Big Reassure) (Dada), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:39 (nineteen years ago)

Can you imagine what it might be like to be the last thing a human being sees as your drive over them , unable to do anything?

At least they weren't able to do anything, so therefore it isn't their fault. The 'victim' may as well have jumped off a cliff. It'd be worse to be a truck/taxi driver, where you put people's lives in danger all the time and the slightest lapse in concentration can wreak havoc.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:51 (nineteen years ago)

Please get back to discussing the defecator.

― Lovelace (Lovelace), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

Knowing both truck drivers and train drivers, I don't think either see it that way.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:57 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, plus taxi drivers are all police informants so they have a second stream of income.

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 08:58 (nineteen years ago)

Please get back to discussing the defecator.

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/6303406335.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1056621789_.jpg

― The sun sets on twelve tons of pickled onions. A dynasty is dying... (Dada), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 09:04 (nineteen years ago)

http://sjl-static9.sjl.youtube.com/vi/NrHApG4LnLA/3.jpg

"Number One, I order you to take a number two"

― latebloomer: Veteran of the Mai Tai Massacre (latebloomer), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 09:13 (nineteen years ago)

I'M BIGGER AND BOLDER AND ROUGHER AND TOUGHER
I'M THE ONE AND ONLY DEFECATOR

― ;_; (blueski), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 09:14 (nineteen years ago)

Can you imagine what it might be like to be the last thing a human being sees as...

I thought this sentence was going to continue, "as the Train Defecator hovers above you..."

It's like a ruder version of The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 09:51 (nineteen years ago)

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42230000/jpg/_42230070_defecator203.jpg

"You talkin' to me?"

― The sun sets on twelve tons of pickled onions. A dynasty is dying... (Dada), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 09:55 (nineteen years ago)

£60,000 to clear up a bit of poo? Bollocks. Just another excuse to introduce those afternoon peak periods they keep threatening.

how? does he only shit during the afternoon?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 09:59 (nineteen years ago)

xpost That is a great picture.

― g00blar (gooblar), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:07 (nineteen years ago)

re: train drivers i'm still surprised that trains aren't all automated and driverless by now.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:20 (nineteen years ago)

I'd rather be killed by a human than a machine, personal preference of course

― The sun sets on twelve tons of pickled onions. A dynasty is dying... (Dada), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:23 (nineteen years ago)

guns are machines too.

― benrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:25 (nineteen years ago)

a train is a machine

xpost BUT THE RAPPERS ARE HUMAN INNIT.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:31 (nineteen years ago)

Trains don't kill people, people kill people

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:44 (nineteen years ago)

Trains don't kill rappers etc

― The sun sets on twelve tons of pickled onions. A dynasty is dying... (Dada), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 10:47 (nineteen years ago)

He bears a vague resemplence to Rob L0we from 90 Day Men:

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42230000/jpg/_42230070_defecator203.jpg http://www.subpop.com/bands/pleasureforever/pleasure/images/photos/rob_lowe.jpg

― researching ur life (grady), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 18:51 (nineteen years ago)

installation art

He's a shitillist!

― joggin' with the devil (kenan), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:37 (nineteen years ago)

I think he looks a bit like Leon Robinson in the Like A Prayer video.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 26 October 2006 08:52 (nineteen years ago)

Life is a mystery, everyone must shit on a train

― ;_; (blueski), Thursday, 26 October 2006 08:53 (nineteen years ago)

Busted!

from BBC South website

Man on trains defecating charge

A man has been charged with causing more than £20,000 worth of criminal damage by defecating in train carriages across the south-east of England.

Bonney Eberndu, 36, of no fixed address, was arrested at Camberwell Green bus garage, in south-east London.

He is due to appear before Westminster magistrates on Friday.

British Transport Police had released CCTV images of the man they wanted to question over 22 incidents on trains during the last three months.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6089042.stm

― art vandelay (what?), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:34 (nineteen years ago)

A man has been charged with causing more than £20,000 worth of criminal damage

that is some serious shitting.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

"He has been sentenced to be devoured by pelicans."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

A girl I know used to work at a porn shop (which was creepy enough in the 1st place as she looked like a 12 year old).
She quit after some guy took a dump on top of a dookie-porn case in the corner.

xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 26 October 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

one of you guys needs to go out in disguise and poop on an intercity or something so teh pigs release him and he can get back to doing his good deeds

fuck that, teamwork! we could work out a rota to maximise damage and confuse the authorities...or simultaneous strikes 7/7 style!

we are all Bonney Eberndu now

― DG (D_To_The_G), Thursday, 26 October 2006 17:13 (nineteen years ago)

i'm sure this is the same guy who once took a dump in the racks of the Record and Tape Exchange

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 26 October 2006 17:15 (nineteen years ago)

no one would notice the difference surely

― DG (D_To_The_G), Thursday, 26 October 2006 17:16 (nineteen years ago)

"Nothing refused"

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 26 October 2006 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

Was he about to start a reign of terror slurry on the buses at Camberwell Green? How close we come to anarchy on a daily basis eh?

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 26 October 2006 19:01 (nineteen years ago)

Man on defecating charge remanded

A man charged with causing more than £20,000 criminal damage by defecating in train carriages in south-east England has been remanded in custody.

Bonney Eberndu, 36, of no fixed address, appeared before Westminster magistrates on Friday.

Mr Eberndu was arrested at Camberwell Green bus garage, in south-east London, in connection with 22 incidents on trains during the last three months.

The case was adjourned to the same court on 2 November.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6091938.stm

― art vandelay (what?), Friday, 27 October 2006 19:48 (nineteen years ago)

i was on a bus the other day and some guy shit his pants in the back of the bus. everyone ran for the front except this one guy that was all alone back there eating a huge bag of doritos.

― chaki (chaki), Friday, 27 October 2006 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

Rollins?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 27 October 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)

my kitty pooped in his carrier at the vets the other day. it was embarrassing. :(

― Sam rides the beat like a bicycle (Molly Jones), Friday, 27 October 2006 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

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