Jesus Christ

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What would Jesus listen to?
What instrument would he play?
Would Jesus run the DC Talk e-mail list, or would he be spacing out to Hawkwind?

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:01 (nineteen years ago)

"Blessed are those who Mourn, for they shall be comforted"- My Chemical Romance

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:03 (nineteen years ago)

I saw DC Talk in concert, once. Back in my evangelical days.

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:04 (nineteen years ago)

whoops, meant this for ILM, but that's ok.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:04 (nineteen years ago)

"Whoever blasphemes against the Father will be forgiven"- Lily Allen

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:05 (nineteen years ago)

BREWER & SHIPLEY ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:23 (nineteen years ago)

how was dc talk?

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

I saw DC Talk in concert, once. Back in my evangelical days.

-- Laurel (sininspac...), October 25th, 2006 8:04 PM. (Laurel) (later) (link)

WAHT

― gbx (skowly), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:54 (nineteen years ago)

btw, jesis would play the fucking guitar, what else would he play?

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:55 (nineteen years ago)

the harp, you retard

― gbx (skowly), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:56 (nineteen years ago)

WAHT

I'd like to echo that if I may. (Mind you, every ex-evangelical I've known has been the funniest and sharpest person on the planet, which describes Laurel perfectly, so.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:56 (nineteen years ago)

I thought guitar. I thought harp. Then I thought pan flute.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:58 (nineteen years ago)

i saw worse christian artists in my evangelical days, but now i know that god is dead.

i like the idea of jesus playing a harmonica for some reason.

― t0dd swiss (immobilisme), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:01 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/gallery-panflute-500.gif

― gbx (skowly), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:01 (nineteen years ago)

NO FUCKING PANFLUTE

― gbx (skowly), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:01 (nineteen years ago)

jesus would surely play the bongos

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:02 (nineteen years ago)

omg that panflute pic nearly made me piss my pants laughing

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:02 (nineteen years ago)

seriously!

lol@gbx hahah

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:04 (nineteen years ago)

If Jesus played harmonica, he would do a trick where he would only suck, not blow. He would suck and suck for ten minutes straight, until he was in really in the zone.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:04 (nineteen years ago)

does it make any sound if you just suck?

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:05 (nineteen years ago)

yes, and yes, unfortunatley

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:08 (nineteen years ago)

does it make any sound if you just suck?

Yep. The harmonica plays a whole other set of notes when you suck instead of blowing. I actually used to practice harmonica a lot for about a week, when I picked up the Klutz book on the subject.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:11 (nineteen years ago)

For some reason the first thing I thought of was one of those thumb pianos.

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:12 (nineteen years ago)

so far it sounds like jesus is right into his blues and roots/folk style music playing

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:13 (nineteen years ago)

jews harp

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:19 (nineteen years ago)

I would really like to see Jesus learn to work the saxophone.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:22 (nineteen years ago)

how bout http://stuff.ubersite.com/1133961587317429326/1/DJ.jpg

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:23 (nineteen years ago)

his robes might get in the way if he were a really energetic sax player

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:23 (nineteen years ago)

I'm thinking: smooth jazz and black Ray-Ban sunglasses. But, if he went all Roland Kirk, that would be cool too.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:25 (nineteen years ago)

Jesus would play a saxophone with notes so low that you couldn't even hear them, like a whale. Everyone's butt would itch though, and it would be apparent that Jesus was in the house.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:26 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, exactly. But, I think he'd also speak like a beatnik. "Cool, man, I've got some sweet grooves to rock your world."

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:30 (nineteen years ago)

And he'd only play dominant 7th chords.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:32 (nineteen years ago)

And when he'd go blazing off on a solo ('cause you know he would), he'd shout "ooh" and "yeah" every time he took a breath.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:34 (nineteen years ago)

i have that annoying 'jesus was way cool' song stuck in my head now :(

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:40 (nineteen years ago)

And when he'd go blazing off on a solo ('cause you know he would), he'd shout "ooh" and "yeah" every time he took a breath.

hahahahaha. It's so true.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:41 (nineteen years ago)

i used to have this weekly funk jam in high school at a bar called bootyrumpalicious and one time we were jammin with this dood and i started saying "shit goddamn get off your ass and jam!" and the guy took the mic outt my hand and bapped me over the head with it and told me not to take the lord's name in vein so not funkadelic.

― chaki (chaki), Thursday, 26 October 2006 02:51 (nineteen years ago)

Isn't there some incredibly low frequency that, when played, will make you soil yourself? I bet Jesus could play that note. Or maybe this is something for Myth Busters, or Jackass.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:07 (nineteen years ago)

myth busters already busted that one

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:08 (nineteen years ago)

Isn't there some incredibly low frequency that, when played, will make you soil yourself? I bet Jesus could play that note.

Regrettably, you have just implied that Jesus is Genesis P-Orridge.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:08 (nineteen years ago)

Jesus would listen to Primal Scream and play a fretless bass

― badg (badg), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:12 (nineteen years ago)

myth busters can't bust jesus

― gbx (skowly), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:14 (nineteen years ago)

HE'S JESUS

― gbx (skowly), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:14 (nineteen years ago)

Regrettably, you have just implied that Jesus is Genesis P-Orridge.

Jesus might like Throbbing Gristle. It's possible.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:15 (nineteen years ago)

gem! they did? what was the result?

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:16 (nineteen years ago)

gbx is right. they only busted the frequency myth, not the jesus myth. i was confused about my myths for a sec! the frequency myth was a dud. no exploding sonar bowels.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:17 (nineteen years ago)

i am sorely disappointed about this discovery!

i had a band teacher in high school (ex-burnout hippy) who would often yell at the tubas, "there is a frequency so low, that it will make you shit your pants! i think you've shit your pants but you haven't hit that note!"

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:21 (nineteen years ago)

yep i like watching mythbusters but sometimes i feel a sense of loss for all those myths they're relieving us of

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:22 (nineteen years ago)

gbx is right. they only busted the frequency myth, not the jesus myth. i was confused about my myths for a sec! the frequency myth was a dud. no exploding sonar bowels.

I still believe that bowels will explode at a certain frequency. The Mythbuster guys just have abnormal bowels, obviously.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:24 (nineteen years ago)

I still believe that bowels will explode at a certain frequency. The Mythbuster guys just have abnormal bowels, obviously.

Amen to that.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:27 (nineteen years ago)

Besides, Jesus doesn't play by the rules. If he wants our bowels to explode, they will. And we'll like it, to boot.

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:33 (nineteen years ago)

i think that's what gbx was getting at

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:34 (nineteen years ago)

the mythbusters dudes have been known to screw up on occasion.

maybe jesus is an acapella type of guy? you gotta pack light when you're ascending and all that.

dude already has a whole host of trumpet wielding angels for back up...

jesus is count basie...
m.

― msp (mspa), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:40 (nineteen years ago)

maybe jesus is an acapella type of guy? you gotta pack light when you're ascending and all that.

Hah! I could totally see him doing his own version of "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

Or maybe he could do Scatman Crothers thing (dancing included).

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 03:52 (nineteen years ago)

i saw dc talk twice

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Thursday, 26 October 2006 05:14 (nineteen years ago)

is the redhead still on mythbusters, or did she disappear into Maxim land?

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 26 October 2006 05:25 (nineteen years ago)

http://media.zzounds.com/media/brand,zzounds/DTXTREMEIIS-3f29d2c5a13f40e4176e36578cbef51b.jpg

― fauxhemian (fauxhemian), Thursday, 26 October 2006 09:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.mcphee.com/pixlarge/M6056.jpg

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, I'm late to the party, but it's true: I once went to a mall and handed out tracts and asked people whether they were aware that Jesus had died for their sins. It's a funny ol' life.

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

No whey guys, Jesus is a DJ, he turns CUTS into BREAKS and heals the FUNKLESS with His Riddims.

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:14 (nineteen years ago)

I think Jesus would be awesome on electronic drums. You just know he'd twirl his sticks and point them skyward.

― molly d (mollyd), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:25 (nineteen years ago)

What's on Jesus' iPod?

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:26 (nineteen years ago)

Okay, I think it all really boils down to this, the immaculate question:

If Jesus was playing drums, would he take off his shirt halfway through the set?
Or, would he turn his sweat into wine and do sweaty body shots with sweaty Jezebels?

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Friday, 27 October 2006 00:55 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.funkabillyplayboys.com/images/FP_Pictures/Blue%20Martini%206-1-02/Scott%20Melodica.jpg

― John Justen will insert a ship in your cat for no additional fee (johnjusten), Friday, 27 October 2006 01:02 (nineteen years ago)

I'm thinking there would be some serious sweat into wine transfiguration. And, he's take off his shirt too, because Jesus likes to jam, for real.

― molly d (mollyd), Friday, 27 October 2006 03:08 (nineteen years ago)

seven months pass...

- bump.

http://www.stargods.org/MatrixJesus.jpg

Seriously, would Jesus be outstanding at whatever instrument he chose? It seems like the son of God should be really good. Was he the best carpenter? If he was the best, say, trombone player in the world, would he excel in a traditional style of playing, or would he excel because he would play it in an innovative way, like no one had ever heard before? Jesus!

― Z S, Saturday, 9 June 2007 22:54 (nineteen years ago)

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